“How are you, Phillip?” I asked a friend one day.
Phillip retorted, “I’m fine. My son died in an accident, my house burned down, my wife ran away with another man, I lost my job last week, and my doctor told me I have lung cancer. Aside from that, I’m okay.”
Phillip is the model stoic. I’ve exaggerated his calamities to give you a picture of a wrong way of handling negative emotions: to deny them and cover up our pain.
I’m not surprised that Phillip has cancer. Why? Because any inner pain that we don’t allow ourselves to feel will manifest itself through tumors, hypertension, heart disease, muscle pains, ulcers. Because of this, I have a fascinating hunch: I bet that if I can only help people acknowledge and feel their hidden emotions of anger, fear, worry, and grief, I’d probably be able to remove 50% of their physical diseases.
Because our bodies are blueprints of our emotional life.
Sandra on the other hand is Phillip’s opposite.
“How are you, Sandra?” I asked her one day.
“Oh Bo,” she crumpled down on my shoulder, “I don’t know what to do with my life. Everyone hates me. No one loves me!”
Do I cry with her? The first time, yes. But the eighty-sixth time?
I’ve gotten used to her drama. Because every time I see Sandra, she always breaks down into a river of tears. Only to find out that her world was about to end because a favorite shirt got damaged in the washing machine or her dog didn’t wag his tail at her!
The good news is that between Phillip and Sandra, there’s a middle path: When we respect our negative emotions as friends, not monsters, as teachers, not masters. Negative emotions are the windows of our soul–and they will teach us about who we are and what exactly we need from God.
In a word, emotions need to be felt. And then, unlike Sandra, you can let go. Because you cannot let go what you have not held! There are no short cuts! You can’t go around them, over them, or skip them. The only way is through the negative emotion.
My suggestion is simple.
Whenever you feel sad or lonely or depressed or angry or fearful–don’t run away from it, cover it up with busyness or entertainment, or worse, silence the negative feeling with an addiction. (All addictions, whether to drink, food, bulimia, shopping, or sex, is an escape from feelings we don’t want to face.) My prescription: Whenever you feel a negative emotion, be alone in a room and just sit down with it and feel it. Don’t judge it, criticize it, intellectualize it, explain it away. Allow yourself to feel the pain. It’s okay. (Feelings are not sin. Check out the Psalms if you don’t believe me!) Accompany it–breathe into it–and after awhile, you’ll feel the anger or fear or sadness lose it’s urgency and power. Allow God to tenderly embrace you in your pain.
And then, at the right time, you can let go.
When you get healed of 50% of your diseases, I’ll bill you. J
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Start your own business. But before you start your business, I strongly suggest you join to the TrulyRich Entrepreneur Workshop on August 9 and 16. You’ll save a lot of problems, pain, and pesos! For more information on the TrulyRich Entrepreneur Workshop, click the link below:
