Do you want to have happy relationships?
Then you’ll have to stop trying to fix people and start appreciating them. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor.” He didn’t say, “Fix your neighbor.”
Two reasons why you need to stop fixing people.
First, you can’t.
And second, I’ve realized that people are like old houses. If one thing gets fixed, another thing gets broken.
Jean came up to me one day and said, “Bo, can I share something with you? My story might help the women you talk to.” Jean said that her husband is addicted to watching basketball. She told me that it drove her insane.
“Bo, there was a time when his passion for watching basketball made me so angry. I would nag him, I would throw pots and pans in his direction, I would hide the TV remote control—just so he couldn’t watch.”
“But after a couple of years,” Jean said, “I just gave up. I realized that nothing was going to happen. That he will never change.”
That was the day when Jean began to tolerate her husband’s passion for basketball.
Whenever she saw him sitting in front of the TV watching a game, she felt less irritation in her heart.
But one day, Jean had a bigger epiphany.
That fateful morning, Jean’s best friend called her up crying hysterically on the phone. She said she discovered that her husband was having an affair. After an hour of trying to comfort her, Jean’s friend said, “I wish my husband was like your husband, Jean—so faithful to you.”
That one sentence was like a slap on her face. She woke up. Jean realized she was blind to the great blessing that her husband was to her. Because she was so focused on his basketball addiction, she never appreciated how faithful her husband was to her.
She also began to count the many ways he was a wonderful husband: He was hard-working, he loved the kids, he went with her to her prayer meetings, and he was sweet in his own manly, clumsy way.
Today, she sometimes joins him watching basketball. She still doesn’t appreciate the game, but she enjoys being with her wonderful husband now. That day, Jean moved from tolerance to appreciation. And that was the day her marriage became very happy.Dr. James Dobson, a psychologist, advised couples to keep both their eyes open before they get married and half-closed thereafter.
What does he mean?
Before you get married, you should be careful in evaluating your future spouse. Check everything—values, background, preferences, beliefs.
Examine everything!
But when you get married, stop evaluating. Stop critiquing.
Instead, it’s time to start appreciating your spouse in his/her totality.
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