THE Bible says,

Accept whatever befalls you, and in times of humiliation be patient. (Sirach 2:4)

One day, a young woman — let’s call her Crusilda — was in her bedroom, moaning and groaning about the many problems in her life. She said, “Lord, why are my problems like iced tea? They’re bottomless. There’s no end to them!”

That night, Crusilda lay down on her bed and cried herself to sleep. That was when she had a dream. She saw herself walking on an uphill road, carrying a heavy cross. When she reached a huge building, she knocked and St. Peter opened the door.

Crusilda said, “St. Peter, I don’t like my cross. I hate it. It’s too heavy. May I have it exchanged?”

“Sure,” St. Peter said. “Come in…”

When she went through the door, she saw a cavernous bodega filled with thousands of crosses of various shapes, sizes, colors, textures. Plain, neon, shocking pink, polka-dotted, striped. Scented or non-scented. Organic, non-GMO, Hypo-allergenic. And she walked around, looking, searching, touching, trying out this and that cross. Since she’s a woman who loved shopping, her cross-shopping took several hours.

But even after trying out hundreds of crosses, she could not find one that fit her.

When she was about to give up, she saw a cross resting on the wall and liked the way it looked. She touched it and liked the way it felt. She tried it on and liked the way it fit her shoulder. She was so happy. She said, “St. Peter, I found the cross that’s just right for me!”

St. Peter nodded, “Yes, I knew this one was right for you.”

“Why?” Crusilda asked.

“Because that was your old cross — the same cross you brought here.”

Here’s God’s message to you today: Most of your pains don’t come from your cross but from denying your cross. Fighting your cross. Rejecting your cross. Avoiding your cross.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not talking about fatalism.

But there are some things in life that you cannot control. The earlier you accept it as reality, the better…

A family member dies.

You have a physical handicap.

A relationship breaks apart.

Your company goes under and you lose your job.

There are some things in life that you have no control over. Accept reality and move on.

I was talking to a girl whose boyfriend left her almost three years ago. To this day, she is still crying, praying, hoping, that he’ll come back to her arms. Every day, she’s in pain. Every day, she’s in this cloud of darkness. She told me she can’t ride the MRT because that was what both of them rode every day to work. She can’t eat donuts because that was his favorite food. She can’t even listen to the radio—because if their theme song is played, she will just cry buckets of tears.

I told her, “Once, I was stuck on EDSA traffic for four hours. But you’re not stuck on EDSA. You can move on…”

If you’re at Rock Bottom right now, you need to do three things…

For this letter, I’ll talk about the first step (which means you need to wait until next week’s SoulFood Newsletter before you can read step 2…)

Step One: Accept Reality

I repeat: I’m not preaching fatalism.

There are two types of crosses. Crosses that come by chance and crosses that come by choice. If they come by chance, accept. If they come by choice, act.

If Crosses Come By Chance, Accept

Let me give you another obvious example: Aging.

One day, a little girl was on the lap on her grandfather. While looking at his face and touching his skin, she said, “Lolo, did God make your face?”

“Yes, God made my face,” the old man smiled.

She held her face, touched her smooth skin, and said, “Did God make my face, Lolo?”

“Yes, God made your face too,” he said.

She smiled. “I think God is getting better in making faces, Lolo!”

Once upon a time, your face was smooth. Today, your face has the road map of the Philippine Islands.

And what is the one common thing among whales, rhinoceros, tigers, the dodo bird, and your hair? They’re all endangered species. They will soon to be extinct. My friend who has a receding hairline said, “I always look at the bright side. I don’t have less hair. I have more face.”

For many, aging is one of the most difficult crosses a human being must carry. But you accept your age either gracefully or grudgingly.

One of the most beautiful sights in the world is someone growing old gracefully. These people are happier than they’ve ever been before. They laugh more. They worry less. They forgive more. They love more. And they are free from the opinion of others because they have nothing else to prove.

But there are crosses you don’t just accept…

If Crosses Come from Choice, Act

I met a woman who married a monster.

Almost every week, her husband would beat her up. Not just punching her or slapping her or pushing her. That’s Kindergarten. This monster was so cruel, he would get a hammer, push her hand on the wall, and hammer her fingers.

Yet she stayed with this monster for 18 years.

Why? She didn’t accept reality. She still called him husband when she should have called him monster. When friends advised her to leave him, she said, “But after he beats me up, he asks for forgiveness.”

She was living in some fantasyland where she believed if she loved him enough, her husband would change. (When someone is abusing you, you need to love him from a distance.)

If you’re being abused in anyway, run away. Hide. Get out. Honor yourself. If you don’t honor yourself, you cannot honor anyone—not even God.

Friend, you can rise from rock bottom. The first thing you just need to do is to accept.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez