How Did You Get Out Of A Bad Relationship?
Before me, my wife Marowe had another boyfriend.
A relationship that lasted for 6 long, painful years.
I say “painful” because her boyfriend was cheating on her again and again.
Marowe would catch him red-handed with another girl, and so break off with him. Only to welcome him back when he pursues her again.
“Why in the world did you take this two-timer back again?” I asked, my eyes popping. “It wasn’t the first time he fooled you.”
“I thought I loved him,” she said, “but I realize now that I had a problem.”
Her problem: Marowe suffered low self-worth. Here’s a universal principle about relationships—and life in general: We don’t get what we deserve; We get what we think we deserve.
So she felt that she deserved a guy like this who hurt her constantly.
But after 6 years, she woke up from her insanity. She simply couldn’t take it anymore. And she broke up with him for good.
And for 4 years, she had no boyfriend. Nada. Zero. Nothing.
She realized that having a boyfriend was almost like a crutch to her. She needed a boyfriend for her weak self-image. And not having one was going to be a healing experience.
During those years without a boyfriend, she “found” herself. She served God. She went out with friends. She grew up. And in discovering who she was, she discovered the kind of man she really deserved.
She deserved someone who wouldn’t hurt her, or cheat on her.
She now believed that she deserved someone faithful. Someone mature. Someone loving. Someone responsible. Someone who would care for her deeply.
And that was when she found me. (Ahem.)
More accurately, that was when I found my One True Love.
Here’s a key lesson: I’ve learned that without ending a bad relationship, there won’t be space for a good relationship to begin in your life.
Give Hope To Others By Writing
How You Ended Your Bad Relationships—
And How You Started A New One!
Oh, I love the Love Stories you sent me in my last blog!
Thank you so much! (In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, click here.) They were very, very inspiring.
May I ask another favor?
I want to help singles out there who—like Marowe years ago—feel trapped in very bad relationships. Perhaps your story can be the “push” that they need to break off, get out, cut clean from a harmful relationship. Once again, write it in the comments below.
Examples:
· Relationship with a Married Man (Adultery).
· Relationship with a Verbal Abuser.
· Relationship with an Emotional Abuser.
· Relationship with a Physical Abuser.
· Relationship with an Unfaithful Jerk.
· Relationship with an Addict.
· Relationship with a Gambler.
· Relationship with an Alcoholic.
· Relationship with a Rage-aholic.
· Relationship with a Bum.
· Relationship with a Person who can’t commit.
How did you finally get out?
What did you learn when you finally got out?
And how did you meet your One True Love?
And again, just in case our editors select your story—with your permission—your story will be included in my coming book, 40 Stories of Finding Your One True Love.
Thank you for helping me inspire the world.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
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PS2. Mentors may be your missing link to your success. (It definitely was mine.) I needed multi-millionaire mentors to teach me how money works. To learn more about my Truly Rich Financial Coaching Program on October 24 and 25, click here.
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PS4. I’m Going To Singapore on November 1. Tell your friends and family who live in Singapore. I’m giving 2 of my most popular Seminars, How To Be Truly Rich and How To Find Your One True Love.
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Filed under: Relationships, Blogs by bosanchez
In Love with a Married Man
Hello Bo,
yep that is right, i was in a relationship with a married man. we were together for 6 six years. at first i thought it wasnt an adultery because when he courted me his divorce is already in motion. He’s almost perfect except for the fact that he is still technically married to his wife even if thedivorce is already going on when we started our relationship. he is very generous very kind hearted he does not need to exert effor to be nice he just is, he is loving and he cares about me a lot in fact in those six years that i am in a relationship with him i was very happy but when i read your book “How to FInd Your One True Love” I realized i was blinded by love. Right Love at the wrong time is still WRONG love. ealry this year I broke up with him. It wasnt easy letting go of some you love so much. it was very hard to move on but when you know that you are doing the right thing and ask Gods guidance He will lead you. Now i am seeing someone new, he is single, he is responsible, mature, loving person and he makes me happier each day and we never fail to discover something new about each other. I am so thankful that through your book, i realized that Love i was deceived by love. i have no regrest over my past experiences it was a learning experience but i am happy that i am able to move on and let go had i not done it, i would have not had the chance to be with the wonfedul man taht i am with now. I hope that God will continue to bless our relationship and in Gods blessings we will be able to sette down soon.
Thanks again for the book. More power to you Bro Bo and may you continue to inspire people.
i’m looking forward to your new book, BRO. BO… God bless…
your article remind me when i finally found my one true love, but that is not my concern at the moment, coz i am happy with my husband now with our three children…my concern is my son (16 years old) who got a girlfriend…do you have a book that will awaken him or make him realize that it is more important to study first rather than having a girlfriend? we are in dubai (my husband & 2 daughters) he’s in phils to pursue his college studies…but along the way he found his ‘love’ hope it’s not yet ‘the one true love’…..is there a book you could recommend? thank you and god bless to all…..
Love is sweeter for the 2nd time..
I married so young (18 yrs old.) with our 2 yrs relationship.. We are so in love, we are friends, we’re team, & we pray together. Then we we’re bless with 3 kids… After 7 years, it was during millineum, there’s so many trials came up, we lose our business, he had to work for a small income salary. I became nagger & theres a 4th baby come up.. He became unfaithful, then he leave us staying with the other woman.. i was so so painful. If im not pregnant, i wanted to die. i want to hurt myself so he will come back to us. if im not pregnant i could kill them.. He return to us after 3 weeks & i accept him for the children sake ( said to myself ) but everything is still upside down. I cant forget the pain, almost everyday we are fighting. We go counseling, we attend church seminar, but still nothing change for 4 years.. Until we give space to each other.. I try to go far for a month but i cant stay longer without my children.. & we minimize fighting & we fight again.. So he said he’ll try to apply work far to us also but he always get sick. & i said i cant control my boys, they need a father to discipline them.. & we talk & we plan as family.. & God bless us.. Now we have a good business.. Kids help us before & after they go to school.. & our relationship is sweeter the second time around.. For 2 yrs now, we no longer have a major arguement. We’re like new couples.. & were hoping it will stay this way..
Between those trials we know we’re meant for each other. We always pray for enlightenment, we reads your books “the power to create love”. & we watch you on TV.. We listen to advices.. Until we mature.. Hoping for more happy years..
Thank you so much Bro. Bo for touching our lives..
More blessings..
Relationship with a Sexual Abuser
I had a male best friend in college. We hanged out together for a semester or two then we were joined by several others and became a barkada. Of course, being a barkada, there’s no such thing as having sole custody of a “best friend”. I guess that’s why I never gave it much thought when Bestfriend suddenly seemed so distant.
It was only after another barkada told me that Bestfriend hated me that I began to put two and two together. However, it still did not explain why. When I asked him, he said that, “I don’t want to tell you what’s wrong with you because it is part of who you are.” I think at that point, my self-worth became zero. Somehow, I concluded that if anyone ever gets close to me, they would discover this totally unacceptable part of me and be disgusted with me.
Enter BF. Well actually, he was the one who told me about Bestfriend. The other barkadas had no idea what was going on. And they made sure that I kept it that way. Since Bestfriend was all I could think of and I was told not to share it with the others, the only one I could talk to was BF. By default, he became my boyfriend.
Yep, he became abusive after that. I think I must be giving off this “kick me!” signal. I thought God was angry and so I turned my back on Him, too. But after several months of spiritual darkness, I was hungry for light. I tentatively believed in His small promises and when they came true, I was ready to accept the big miracles that He was offering me.
It was only after I became willing to trust in God that I saw the “relationship” as it really was. Why cling to shadows when I can bask in glorious light? I said goodbye to BF for good. End of story.
Do you want to know what big miracle was waiting for me? God gave me a wonderful man who said, “You’re the closest thing to God that I have.” Isn’t that great? He looked into my soul and saw not an unacceptable flaw, but the image of God. Syempre pinakasalan ko na, alangan naman pakawalan ko pa! Haha! This is my new ending: And they lived happily ever afer!
The End
I chuckled when I read today’s article. (Because I also wrote in the other article before this… About my one true love… We’re not yet married though. Still working on it.)
Before my One-True-Love now, I had another bf. He was my first bf… Err… ‘techinically’ a bf. (If there’s such a term.) I guess you could categorize him under “relationship with man who can’t decide/ wants everything because it’s there for the taking”.
He liked my friend; but I liked him. I acted as a ‘bridge’ or go-between just to always be with him. (Martyr! Gosh… I wonder where my brain was back then…Hahaha.) I must have tickled his ego by being so devoted. He told me one day, “Mahal kita… At mahal ko rin siya. Dalawa na kayo ngayong iniisip ko.” My poor little heart leapt for joy at his words, “Mahal kita” and my befuddled brain disregarded the rest of what he said.
He would still publicly pursue my friend (even infront of me!) but when we were alone-then that becomes “our” time. It was crazy! I didn’t know how I put up with it- but I did. This went on for two years or so… We have our “off” and “on” again periods in those years. By chance, during one of our seasonal “off” moments- I was introduced to Singles for Christ.
I’m not saying that the change in me was instant. But having platonic and God-centered guy friends (who respected me and taught me where my boundaries should be) helped a lot. I also began having my share of admirers; that helped my self-esteem. Gradually, I saw him for what he really was. By that time, I was already hanging out with a different set of friends; had started to return to and accept the Catholic Church; and life in general- was pretty much in order.
I didn’t end our “relationship”. I just left it as it is. I do not need his participation to have ‘closure’ in my life. I simply went on with my life.
After that, life was pretty blissful. I had decided then that I wouldn’t mind being single for the rest of my life and serve the Lord totally.
I was getting ready for a practice session one night with our music ministry when this new guy entered. I thought he was there to check if our group was up to par with the preferred ’standard’ for our community.
Who would know that he would turn out to be my one true love? hahaha. I guess my being single forever isn’t God’s plan for me at all.
I thought I wouldn’t be able to get over it. Imagine I was in a relationship for 11 years and I thought we would end up together like what all the people around us thought. too. He never cheated on me and I never cheated on him too.
What happened? Two things: he has difficulty in standing up for his decisions, and our relationship was not pure. Between the two reasons, I suppose the latter one plays the greater part. Lesson learned: If it is not holy, God will break it.
We both started out together in highschool though we came from different schools. Our plan was finish school-get a job-and-get married. But things did not turn out the way we wanted it too be as he did not give his best in the university which made him prolong his stay. For how long? Calculate. At the start, I thought there must be something wrong with the university but it was not. I had this thinking that they would not let him pass the subjects he needed but it turned out that it was him who did not give his best. I talked with him about this a lot of times. There were times that I worried like a mom to him but still he did not take it seriously. He took a job during the day and we both agreed that even if he works, he will not sacrifice his time for his studies. Unfortunately, he preferred to work more so again, school was affected.
Please do not misunderstand me. I did not break up with him because he did not finish school or what. I relieved myself from the vicious cycle because I saw that he could not keep up with the decisions he makes. I never decided for him. I supported him but it was difficult for me to hang on if he himself could not even stand up for his own. We were not growing. Lesson learned: How can he stand for me or for us if he cannot stand for himself?
Purity. LIke what I said, if it is not holy, God will break it. It was a vicious cycle that ran on for more than a decade. It was a walk of hypocrisy. I felt trapped. I was trapped. I thought no one would accept me again because of it.
Going on mission made me realize how unworthy and helpless I was. I broke up with him and for the first time I yelled FREEDOM! Of course I experienced the stages of grief and loss. I learned from you Bo that for the hurt to be healed, time is not the only factor. Lesson learned: The hurt should be offered to God in order for Him to CLEAN it. Thanks Bo!
Now I am in a new relationship and I can really share that we have not touched each other and we are waiting for the right time. Our God is the God of second chances. He picked me up from the world that is not kind and all this time He was preparing me for the one. I praise God for Paul. He is a blessing to me. He taught me on what purity is all about. I could not believe that I would have to learn it from a guy. The guy who rediscovered my beauty despite of my past.
Pray for us as we exchange our vows before God on December 8, 2008.
Praise God always!
Relationship with a Bum & a Married Man
I need your advice on this, I’m married with the man I love, I think I deserve - because I never waited for God’s perfect timing & got pregnant UNPLANNED - and he’s a bum for almost 4 years now. By the way, we have adorable & smart twin boys. Anyway, sometimes I doubt myself for loving him because I have high dreams or is this just - I hate to say this - p i t y? I did lots of encouragement in different ways, prayed to God about His plans for him & for our family, & patiently waited. Thought things are okay that this is just a phase until I read your blog today.
Advice anyone?
BY THE WAY, I NEVER DOUBTED THAT I LOVE HIM, it’s just that it created a confusion in my mind that I’m in a bad relationship.
He ended it just like that!
I am not sure where I would categorize him though
When suddenly everything is alright he just drop me. Well that was I felt at the time
During the times that he was on a “crises” I stayed with him. Though I know something is wrong. I stayed because I love him.
And then finally his life seems to lighten up and I have to got through something. But he was nowhere to be found.
And then he broke up with me… When suddenly everything is falling into place for him he wants me out of his life
But looking back. Leaving me was the best thing he could ever done for me
Now im single and I use this opportunity to mature and improve myself. I havent found love yet but surely I will love better and the lessons learned will remain.
i was married to a bum for 17 years. He never held a job during our marriage. And for more than 10 years he was a drug addict. When he got over drugs, I thought everything would finally be okay but just a few months after I discovered that he was unfaithful. He now has a child with this woman. I know you would think that I should have woken up from this a long time ago but I clung to the marriage because I wanted a family and I didn’t want to be alone. I kept thinking it might get better. But looking back I saw that He was telling me to get out, that He was giving me reasons and chances to get out but I never took them. I finally did last year. I can’t say I’m fine and healed now. It will take some time but the important thing is I finally got out.
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST,
PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR THE SEMINARS IN SINGAPORE.
brotherjimmycruz@gmail.com
(65) 93852912
God bless Bro Bo.
Your servant
BROTHER JIMMY CRUZ
RELATIONSHIP WITH A MARRIED MAN
This man is the brother-in-law of my ex bf. He was acting as bridge for communication between me and my ex until finally he started making “kulit” to me. At times he would pretend to be giving messages from my ex until we got close and he courted me. I had a shaky marriage during that time so I felt vulnerable. We would go out on dates until we found ourselves so in love, I would leave my family behind and make excuses just to be with him. Two years after, I got pregnant by my husband, he got so mad at me that he ignored my messages for a while.( He wanted us to have a baby but I was afraid that my husband would discover) This went on for years until the cold treatment and we would see each other still but not as often as before. Until finally we went our own ways.
God really has a plan for us and I realized that He really makes a way. He gave me a child to keep me busy with and get out of the bad relationship.
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF CHRIST,
PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR THE SEMINARS IN SINGAPORE.
brotherjimmycruz@gmail.com
(65) 93852912
(65) 64667718
God bless bro Bo
Your servant in Christ
Brother Jimmy
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST
PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR THE SEMINARS OF BRO. BO IN SINGAPORE
brotherjimmycruz@gmail.com
(65) 93852912
(65) 64667718
God bless Bro Bo
Your servant in Christ
Bro Jimmy
I think it had been 3 years ago since I broke up with my first boyfriend, my first love (or so I thought), and an emotional abuser. And it had been 2 years since I let go of my other love, and he’s a married man (and later on I realized he’s a chronic womanizer too).
Yup, I must confessed that I have been with complicated relationships. The first one was really the hardest for me. I didn’t have a boyfriend until I met Ton. I was 22 that time and really looking forward to have a bf. I even went to a novena in Baclaran and prayed that the Lord will finally give me my OTL. When he was finally there, I really thought he was a real blessing.
However, I now realize that there was indeed something wrong with our relationship. Having read Bo’s book on How to Find Your One True Love, he mentioned that instead of having to look for “signs” from God, someone has to look for common behaviors to tell whether if a person is really for good to keeps. In my case, I should’ve had thought later on that Ton had a number of, well, “issues” which were quite observable when we were together more than a year: he didn’t introduce me to his friends, he had been with quick relationships and a few one night stands as he told me, he was a chronic liar, and a lot more. My father was right when he told me about Ton and he warned me about him. But I told my dad to give Ton a chance. And I dismissed these things because of my great “love” for him.
And then we broke up. It was a really painful breakup because I really felt injustice and I was cheated because I tried my best to give everything in that relationship. I also felt that it was so unfair for me to received that treatment from him, and even from his family (his parents even tried to “blame” me for the cause of such breakup).
After a few months, I met the married guy. At that time, I really felt that he was the opposite of the first - caring, kind, generous, and loving. I knew from the start that he was married, but then again, I dismissed those things. I must have had felt so overwhelmed with the attention that he gave me I didnt even think of the relationship that I will be going through next.
One time, through a sharing that I had with a friend about my liaison with the married guy, I really felt that somehow Jesus is talking to me. Suddenly my tears were falling down my face as I told my story to her. I was surprised that my friend never sounded judgmental when she said her advice. From there, I confronted the married guy then asked him about his plans for me. He said none. It really struck me when he told me that. I just told him to leave me in peace and go back to his family. It was painful, yes, but I couldn’t afford to be happy when another is suffering.
During those times, I really felt that I will be condemned because of my actions. But then I heard these comforting words from a friend in grad school who also lent me that Bo Sanchez’ book: God does not want you to be in suffering. That God is a merciful and loving God. True enough, God is indeed a very merciful, loving, and forgiving God. I went to a confession later on, sent a few letters to my exes.
Everyday is actually a work-in-progress for me. I learned the lessons the really hard and painful way. But I think God has been so good to me the past years. I have been with the company of a few, true friends and recently met a new good ones. I realized the value of my family, and I never felt so grateful of having such a wonderful and loving family. I was never more passionate of my career now. And this is all because of God working his wonderful ways on me.
I am not as so desperate to look for my OTL at 27. But I know that God will always give you something even greater than what you have expected. You just have to be open to the possibility of loving again. This time, with the right person, the right circumstance, in God’s own right time.
Relationship with an Unfaithful Jerk.
We were college sweethearts that none of our batchmates expected for us to just broke up. Like I do, they also expect a “happily ever after, fairy tale”.. but sad to say, it was not.
After graduation and we were bought working, I realize that he was already cheating on me. It’s too painful to be fooled by someone whom you loved and trust most . Of course I gave him chances, when he said sorry and hoping we could save our relationship but the thing is - I cought him cheating & lying again! So that’s the END of it.
Now, after 3 years of being single. (Like Marowe before she met Bro. Bo) - I had no boyfriend. Nada. Zero. Nothing.
I was trapped in a box then. I thought I can’t step out. But as I take my steps one by one, I begin to take my dreams, endeavors, and life back. I thought being in that box will make me safe, taking no risks at all. I’ve learned to be patient enough but I’m running out of time. I don’t know. I just feel it. No one knows when the end of everything is but life is too short to be angry. Yes I admit I was hurt. I was hurt and angry. Bitter. I lost trust to anyone. I also lost my confidence that I cannot do anything without that entity. But as time goes by, I learned to take my steps. One by one and take my life again into pieces and be whole again.
I’ve been quiet for years But now I’m back again. I am happy. I’m ready to take risks. I will not be afraid to be hurt anymore because I’ve been there. From that fall, I have learned to be stronger and to take good care of myself. I’ve learned to love myself MORE.
“when I lost him, I was the one who loved him most, but between us you he more.. For someday I can love someone the way that I loved him.. But he will never be loved again the way that I did.”
I know - -
God will give me SOMEONE that I deserve - SOMEONE that is faithful and responsible, SOMEONE that knows how to commit..
And I know why ….
Because I’m a God’s work - In Progress………. ^_^
Hi Bo,
I have been long wanting to share some thoughts and wisdom through your site and I believe this is the right moment;
“How Did I Get Out Of A Bad Relationship”.
I had a past relationship with long time boyfriend of 7 years and eventually led into marriage. The marriage only
lasted for 3 years. In all those years that I was in a relationship with him, it was really a tough one. Like
normal relationships, life was a bed of roses for the first few years, until it got bitter.
Married life didn’t turned out to be what I have hoped and worked for. We would have heated arguments/issues
which always led to verbal and emotional abuse. He had extra-marital affairs in those 3 years of our marriage.
He would always favor his family (especially his mom) over me even if I (our marriage) were already suffering. But
despite all the pain I was going through, I was still committed to the marriage. Until, one day he left…for good.
I tried to win him back and made all those promises that I will do everything, obey everything he wishes just as long
as he stick with me…but all he said that he didn’t want me anymore…and that he wanted an annulment.
I didn’t know what to do…until I came to the Lord. And from then on, blessings just came my way…blessings that
I couldn’t hold anymore…I was really overwhelmed. A few months after he left, I got the job that I have ever
wanted (the job that I gave up when I got married to my husband); I traveled every year; I had my first million (on hand);
I bought my own car (outright cash); I met a lot of good people and I met my true love. Yes, I believe I have.
He was the kind of man I truly deserve; one who is ready to sacrifice for the sake of my happiness. We have been
together for 2 years now and we do have a good and healthy relationship. As for my marriage, I am finally waiting for
my annulment to be granted. And I have been praying for God’s will on that.
This was very timely. I feel like I am trapped in a relationship with a chronic liar. it’s hard cause I feel like i should still give hjm a chance and that he never did really cheat on me cause it was never us. parang i want to see if i give us a real chance to be in a relationship and if he really cheats on me then at least that would be the real end. and then theres this other guy who loves me deeply but i don’t feel like im still inlove with him. maybe i should get out of both of the relships. pray for me. if you have anything in mind that might help me, pls do post it here. thanks!!
Somewhere Down the Road
Year 2000 I met this guy. I was working for few weeks in Makati and from there I am travelling back home to Sampaloc where I stays. It was for me a kind of funny and cute but awkward incident meeting with this guy.
Let me call him AJ. We were on a jeepney just behind the driver and in each opposite seat. It started with the cap that caught my attention and trying to figure out the logo. Because he is that tall that his head is almost touching the jeeps top, I am raising up my head just to see what’s on the cap. Without knowing AJ was watching me for my action and maybe speculate. When I saw his cute face smile staring at me I just smile back and laugh quietly. That gesture made me think that he might approach me and start a conversation. I really don’t know why it comes to my mind but yes it was. When we arrives the destination AJ approaches me and we talk about the cap. What else? But that’s how it started and he takes me on my way home. Am I hypnotized by the situation that I did not say no to him or it’s the attraction between us. Hahaha.
I never been into a relationship in my entire life and I am a type of a timid private person when it comes to dating guys. Engaging to new person and getting to know each other stuff gives a click on my nerve. It was a feeling of excitement for me whenever AJ calls me, fetch me after work and bring me to my place. As the local movie of a famous actor and actress comes out couples of weeks ago with the background music of Barry Manilow “Somewhere down the road” I can relate to myself and that’s became our theme song. I even ask him in one of our conversation to sing me that song hahaha. How can I forget? I thought it would be like a romantic love story with a happy ending but it wasn’t. Sighhhh!
Ok let me continue my sharing. I invited AJ to join a Life in the Spirit Seminar where I am a member of a charismatic community. It is a three day seminar and for the first two days he said to me that he can’t make it due to his work’s schedule. And on the last day I am glad he made it. I was surprise at the end of the session where the participants were asked to share their experience, he stood up and speaks. My class group and I were happy that he is going to share but that won’t be long.
He said that he met a new friend (that’s me). He mentioned that I am kind and he was attracted to me that he likes my smile (flattering huh! thanks). As he carry on after saying that, the following words comes out from him was a total blow (like that of Pacquiao fights to his opponent) on me as he confessed that he is already in a relationship with another woman. Not only that but also as a husband and a father to their kids. He said that because of I am kind and he doesn’t want to hurt my feeling. Whew! I feel like I was frozen from where I am sitting and my ears became deaf can’t take it anymore.
Leaders of the community call my attention during that event and advise me not to go on in the relationship. I responded that if I have known that earlier I wouldn’t be engaging to a relationship. If only he said that to me and being honest.
That’s the good thing of taking a relationship in a process. Both involved person have the time to get to know each other. That also includes prayer if he is the guy for me. And I am very thankful that before I fell truly in love with him the road ends for both of us and we never seen each other again.
Yours from South Africa
Somewhere Down the Road
Year 2000 I met this guy. I was working for few weeks in Makati and from there I am travelling back home to Sampaloc where I stays. It was for me a kind of funny and cute but awkward incident meeting with this guy.
Let me call him AJ. We were on a jeepney just behind the driver and in each opposite seat. It started with the cap that caught my attention and trying to figure out the logo. Because he is that tall that his head is almost touching the jeeps top, I am raising up my head just to see what’s on the cap. Without knowing AJ was watching me for my action and maybe speculate. When I saw his cute face smile staring at me I just smile back and laugh quietly. That gesture made me think that he might approach me and start a conversation. I really don’t know why it comes to my mind but yes it was. When we arrives the destination AJ approaches me and we talk about the cap. What else? But that’s how it started and he takes me on my way home. Am I hypnotized by the situation that I did not say no to him or it’s the attraction between us. Hahaha.
I never been into a relationship in my entire life and I am a type of a timid private person when it comes to dating guys. Engaging to new person and getting to know each other stuff gives a click on my nerve. It was a feeling of excitement for me whenever AJ calls me, fetch me after work and bring me to my place. As the local movie of a famous actor and actress comes out couples of weeks ago with the background music of Barry Manilow “Somewhere down the road” I can relate to myself and that’s became our theme song. I even ask him in one of our conversation to sing me that song hahaha. How can I forget? I thought it would be like a romantic love story with a happy ending but it wasn’t. Sighhhh!
Ok let me continue my sharing. I invited AJ to join a Life in the Spirit Seminar where I am a member of a charismatic community. It is a three day seminar and for the first two days he said to me that he can’t make it due to his work’s schedule. And on the last day I am glad he made it. I was surprise at the end of the session where the participants were asked to share their experience, he stood up and speaks. My class group and I were happy that he is going to share but that won’t be long.
He said that he met a new friend (that’s me). He mentioned that I am kind and he was attracted to me that he likes my smile (flattering huh! thanks). As he carry on after saying that, the following words comes out from him was a total blow (like that of Pacquiao fights to his opponent) on me as he confessed that he is already in a relationship with another woman. Not only that but also as a husband and a father to their kids. He said that because of I am kind and he doesn’t want to hurt my feeling. Whew! I feel like I was frozen from where I am sitting and my ears became deaf can’t take it anymore.
Leaders of the community call my attention during that event and advise me not to go on in the relationship. I responded that if I have known that earlier I wouldn’t be engaging to a relationship. If only he said that to me and being honest.
That’s the good thing of taking a relationship in a process. Both involved person have the time to get to know each other. That also includes prayer if he is the guy for me. And I am very thankful that before I fell truly in love with him the road ends for both of us and we never seen each other again.
Yours Truly from South Africa
it was my first boyfriend. he was a gambler and a bum. one of the things that i don’t want in a man is a gambler since i saw how my dad waste his money on gambling. our relationship lasted for just 1 year and a half and i broke up with him. i just don’t wanna end up being married to a gambler and a bum. i want a good husband, a good life and i know i will not be able to have that with him. now, as i’ve said on my last comment (on your last newsletter) i am married for 5 years now, to a good man, a very good man. who does not drink, maybe occasionally like 1 beer or one shot of brandy on new years eve and that’s it! we are together for 14 years now (all in all- kasama bf/gf for almost 9years before we got married). so my advice to the woman (and man?) out there, if you see bad attitudes/habits of your partner, DO NOT justify it and PLEASE do not live in a dreamworld thinking that you can change him/her. Get out of the relationship FAAAASSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! yes, initially you will be hurt, but eventually, you will be more thankful out than in! remember, nobody else will LOVE, RESPECT and CARE for you, if you do not LOVE, RESPECT and CARE for yourself first.
my bf of eleven years had finally told me that he can’t commit after so many pangungulit if when are we getting married. so almost three years ago our relationship had ended. how it ended? well he ended it hahaha! it may hurt me so much and have brought me so many tears but I realized then how much God loves me, came to know myself and learn to be happy inspite of being single. I still not yet found my one true love. Hope you could pray for me Bo! thanks.
Wow, after reading Marowe’s story, i felt relieved coz i know that my time will come when i’m finally able to move on.
actually i’m already out of the relationship, for 12 years now, but a lot of times i still feel trapped.
the father of my child (of 15 years) and my only love was single and 7 years younger than me. at that time, i never had anyone before him as i was busy getting my MD. i also had this pledge that if and when i fall in love, it will only be to one man. and that is where i got trapped.
after 1 year of going steady, we decided to have our daughter. yup, she was no accident, she was definitely planned. though because of his pending petition, we did not get married, MISTAKE No. 1. after having my daughter, he started having problems with being together, MISTAKE No. 2, i bent over backwards trying to understand him and give into his demands. He left us and went back to his province, MISTAKE No. 3, we followed him, thinking (hoping) that it will work out if i just ensure that he feels in control. i started practicing, raising family. to make long story short, he still didn’t feel satisfied and started living as if he is single, MISTAKE No. 4, i tolerated it. even to the point of him having another woman. that went on for about a year before he finally told me that he NEVER really loved me.
ha! you think i would have waken up after that, but no. as stupid as i was, i kept on clinging to the hope that we would end up together and that this is just a phase for him, considering that we have a daughter. i felt like a tramp and a beggar.
finally he left for the states. did i manage to forget him and move on, yup, you’re right, i did not. all this time i’m saying i’m doing this for my daughter, HA! whom am i kidding.
after 3 years or so he came back. he came to see us (actually just my daughter). he did not say anything about having any other family, and it felt like things will finally work out for us. after he went back to the US, we kept in touch for about a month. then
he again “disappeared”, no news, no nothing.
only to find out about a year ago that he already has a family with 2 kids at that. and the funny thing is, when he came back about 5 years ago, he was already going to have his first child with his new family.
so now, i guess i can say that i have finally moved on, and “got out” of the relationship.
i guess i’ve known this for the past 12 years or so, i just want to admit it. i have finally woken up from a nightmare.
right now, i’ve found my peace. i’m enjoying a single life focusing on my daughter and myself. i’ve accepted the Lord and am working my way back to His fold.
pray for me on my journey. there’s still a lot of hurt, but i know i’m not alone
for belle :
please stop seeing the guy. even if “hindi kayo”. because, if he lies to you ngayon pa lang, what more if you are in a relatinship with him already. ma lalo ka nyang hindi pahahalagahan. di ba ngayon nga dapat super mega honest sya syo and respectful kasi courtship pa lang di ba? at this early stage he is a liar already, what more kapag nagtagal di ba?
believe me, you deserve a better person.
as for the other guy, if you think he really loves you and is respectful of you (because that is very important) get to know him first. give him a chance. pero kapag hindi talaga tumibok ang puso, well…. just wait and PRAY! GOD will give you your partner, at the right time!
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST
PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR THE SEMINARS OF BRO BO IN SINGAPORE.
brotherjimmycruz@gmail.com
(65) 93852912
God bless Bro Bo
Your servant in Christ
Bro Jimmy
This was very timely. I feel like I am trapped in a relationship with a chronic liar. it’s hard cause I feel like i should still give him a chance and that he never did really cheat on me cause it was never us. parang i want to see if i give us a real chance to be in a relationship and if he really cheats on me then at least that would be the real end. and then theres this other guy who loves me deeply but i don’t feel like im still inlove with him. maybe i should get out of both of the relships. pray for me. if you have anything in mind that might help me, pls do post it here. thanks!!
*This was very timely. I feel like I am trapped in a relationship with a chronic liar. it’s hard cause I feel like i should still give him a chance and that he never did really cheat on me cause it was never us. parang i want to see if i give us a real chance to be in a relationship and if he really cheats on me then at least that would be the real end. and then theres this other guy who loves me deeply but i don’t feel like im still inlove with him. maybe i should get out of both of the relships. pray for me. if you have anything in mind that might help me, pls do post it here. thanks!!*
Hai Bo,
I never had a boyfriend that was one of your category above, but i think i remember i had one boyfriend who is addicted to be a religious person, wow I can’t stand that man, at first I keep on going out with him because I thought that myself is not worthy and maybe by dating him i can change my image and be a better person, but later on, i realize that this man is far away from being a religious person, he has no priority, all the things that he does are only cheating on him self actually, he thought he is religious but he is not, he suggested so many things to do to make myself more purer, the way he talks as if he knows everything and always bring God’s name in all his conversation, i dragged my self with him to be a hyprocrite person, a judgemental person, and also a person who so proud of my self because i know so many teachings, i did so many service for the Lord and I experience things that i thought from God, but it;s from my own desire. I dated this guy for 2 years and thank God I didn’t marry him, i decided to broke up with him and it’s hard to back on track again, now i feel better and i realize that my dating time with him is God’s plan to reach out for me. I see things clearer now and my faith to God grow because it’s God who nurture it not man. When i broke up with him, i realized something that God is much much bigger that this man.
*This was very timely. I feel like I am trapped in a relationship with a chronic liar. it’s hard cause I feel like i should still give hjm a chance and that he never did really cheat on me cause it was never us. parang i want to see if i give us a real chance to be in a relationship and if he really cheats on me then at least that would be the real end. and then theres this other guy who loves me deeply but i don’t feel like im still inlove with him. maybe i should get out of both of the relships. pray for me. if you have anything in mind that might help me, pls do post it here. thanks!!*
Hi bro Bo, my story isn’t like what you would have asked.
instead of writing RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ABUSER, i was the abuser in a previous bad relationship. It may not have been totally physical abuse, but i know in my heart i hurt the person deeply.
Being together with her for a couple of years, i realized we were wandering farther from the Lord. I felt my soul dying, and i bet i took her soul down with mine. I couldn’t stand being in the relationship anymore..i knew it had to end. The difficult part was that if it were to end, i had to end it.
It’s accepted by many that women break up with men, but it’s a tougher pill to swallow when men do the breaking up. All the more this made it difficult for me.. to break up with a woman, and me being the reason the relationship has gone bad. Can you imagine the nerve i had? doing the damage and breaking it off as well? but the Lord kept prompting me to do so…it was the only way we both could be set free. It was the only way to give us both a fresh start. I wish there were a less painful way..but there wasn’t. So i broke it off. The effects of that decision bore instant negative criticism, bearing a heavy mark in my heart and i’m sure on hers as well. It seemed like endless ripples..i thought i could never recover. I never imagined myself being able to love in a healthy way. The only thing i held on to was my crumbling relationship with God.
I picked myself up slowly,got right with God and began once again a new journey with Him. i spent the next months in earnest prayer for the person i hurt in the past, asking God to grant her a relationship with a man she truly deserved. As for me, i didn’t pray for a partner. i shrugged off the idea of being attracted to anyone for fear of repeating my past failure. Then someone came along.
She was someone i knew before..an old friend. We became good friends later on and i felt there was something brewing. I cautioned myself and seeked the Lord’s guidance. I prayed,” Lord, i don’t want to assume anything. i leave everything in your hands, i just want to thank you for whatever level of friendship you would allow us to have, Amen.” From then on i didn’t try to pursue anything, i let time take it’s course, and in time i started to heal and find a renewed perception of myself. i could begin to imagine having a fresh healthy relationship. The closer i got to God and surrendered to Him my emotions, the more i felt my Love for this new person grow. Years passed and our relationship grew better and stronger..so did our relationship with the Lord. Now is the fulfillment of God’s amazing grace and faithfulness..the wedding is next month, Praise the Lord!
i have recently ended my relationship with a man whom i thought was the one for me. it was a painful realization that after several months of giving my love and care, i have found my self being at the periphery of his priorities. it was hard for me to let go because i was afraid i would never meet someone as good as he is despite his flaws. but one time i was at a bookstore, i came across bro. bo’s book Finding your one true love, and i read it. it was then the start of my self-realization.
i have been able to decide about it because i prayed a lot for wisdom and discernment. the anger was changed to forgiveness. my self esteem was boosted. i learned i deserved the best man the Lord has been preparing for me. i know there is someone for me who will treat me right. A man whom i have been dreaming of and praying for. it helps a lot when i pray and listen to what the Lord is saying. it helps a lot to put your trust on the Lord who will guide you to the right path.
Seven years. Seven long years.
I was only fifteen. He was sixteen. Childhood friends. First Love. Oh, what a whirlwind experience!
I guess I was looking for a hunk type that could protect me from all danger. My dad was busy with our family business and I’m always jealous with my friends when they talk about their dads. I don’t have stories to share because dad is focused on his career. And so my feelings for my ex boyfriend blossomed. At a young age, he is exposed to the typical world of notorious teens. As I’m writing this article, everything keeps coming back. All the pain, all the hurt. The deception, the denial.
Gang wars - I can’t recall how many sleepless nights I had, wondering if he’s home instead of starting a fight with other fraternity groups. He even had a friend who almost died because of gang wars. And he was there when his friend was stabbed in the stomach. Reason of the fight? One frat member didn’t like the way the other frat member looked like. It’s a very shallow reason for someone to risk his life but they still do it. If you open his room cabinet, you’ll see weird items that they use when they fight with our groups. There were long steel bars, baseball bats, tear gas, folding knives, home made guns, etc. Gang war is just a normal thing for him. It was like a… hobby.
Alcohol - He can’t last a day without a sip of alcohol. It’s running through his veins. I thought that was cool! I really thought so. There was even a point when I love the smell of beer on his shirt. I feel that again, if he’s a bit drunk, he’s more stronger and invincible. I wake up as early as five in the morning, walk around our neighborhood park, just to check if he’s still there with his friends. And oh yes, there were several times he was so drunk, he just fall asleep, lying on the grass park.
Household Disputes - My dad and I had this terrible fight because he’s not a big fan of my relationship with my ex boyfriend. Dad knew that I won’t have a good future with my ex. I was tagged as the rebellious child because I chose my ex boyfriend over the love of my father. I was so blinded by what I thought was “cool” and right. I would sneak out of the house with every opportunity just to see my ex. I was grounded and dad doesn’t give me allowance. I would painfully accept every slap and hate words of dad because I thought I was doing the right thing — fighting for the one I love.
Out of School - His motivation everyday is only the opportunity to meet his friends in school and they could plan on another mischievous activity. I tried several tactics on how I can show him the importance of school but nothing worked. I answer his homework instead and I even wrote his term paper for his fourth year high school project. In high school, he spent many days jumping from one home to another. He hates going home to his room just like how much he hates going to school. In college, he jumped from one school to another. He couldn’t even finish one semester. Until his parents gave up and decided not to enroll him anymore. It broke my heart that I decided to really look for a job (while studying) so I have money to support his education. I was wiling to make these sacrifices.
Tattoos - He told me that every time I would nag him or mess with him, I’ll see a new tattoo on his body the following day. So I tried my very best not to argue with him. I love him so much that I was afraid to disappoint him. Well, you might have guessed it already. He’d still have a tattoo even without arguing with him.
Drugs - He started with pills and over the counter medications in high school. Then it evolved to marijuana. I had an idea but again, I thought that was just normal and I find it really cool. In college, I found out that he’s taking shabu with his friends. He almost killed himself one day when he saw snakes on his chest. He took a knife and before he could stab his chest, a friend took the knife away from him.
Smoking cigarettes, cutting class, fraternity groups, pot sessions, shop lifting, school cheating - all notorious acts, name it, he can do it. But his shabu experience hit him rock bottom. Their family business died. His parents almost got separated. His other brothers also became addicts. He was terribly moody and uncontrollable. It was a tiring relationship. I had to keep up with all the problems that he and his family are having.
He knew he needed some help from someone else because I was giving up on him. I can’t take it anymore. He sought help from a rehab and started joining support groups. I thought that this is the answer to my prayers. He promised so many beautiful things but I was just led to believe all his promises.
After college, I got my first job as a call center agent. It was the sixth year of our relationship. I met so many new people and I was introduced to a “drug-free” life. (Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t took drugs but I was totally immersed with the life of an addict) I saw and felt that life is so good after all. I realized that life could be happier and there are still clean living people. Yes, for the longest time, my ex boyfriend fed me the idea that every other people is also an addict.
I wanted to get out of the relationship. I attended his support groups as a co-dependent” but it was too uncomfortable. There were so many restrictions and I couldn’t even spend an entire day with him. I felt that I was loving him so much that I forgot about myself already. I tried breaking the sinking relationship but again and again, he pleaded he’d change and everything will fall right in its place. I was afraid to hurt him because he would have a reason to start taking drugs and alcohol all over again. I wouldn’t want to be the reason for his relapse or else, his family would get hurt. I felt trapped. I love him but I want to love myself more.
The following months became colder for us. I remember missing our “date” and he was very furious. He waited four hours or more for me. And for the first time, it didn’t bother me much that he was furious. He wasn’t talking to me the whole time we were together but it was just fine for me. I slowly gained my dad’s trust. My family noticed that I don’t talk much about my ex boyfriend anymore. The new things that I talk about are my job, my boss, my office mate, my new friends. I got a new haircut, bought new clothes, felt more confident. I felt SO ALIVE!!!!!
I was having a grand time.
I wasn’t looking for any other person in my life.
And there he was.
Gilbert.
A tall, dark and handsome man. Well educated. Spiritually healthy. Smart and best of all, sober.
I wasn’t ready for a new relationship. He was modest enough to give me time. We became the best of friends. We shared stories about our past relationships. It wasn’t hard for me to share my experience because he just got off from a relationship with an addict. That’s right, her ex girlfriend is also an addict.
I realized that life can be sweet. That life is a blessing from the Lord. Gilbert showed me the “real” world. He taught me how to be an obedient child. He gave me the courage to apologize and fix my relationship with dad. He taught me how to laugh so hard that would make my stomach hurt. He taught me how to take care of myself physically (He’s athletic and we jog around the neighborhood every week), mentally (We’d play mind games and the loser will buy merienda the following day), spiritually (He would join me and my family with Sunday mass), and emotionally (He assured me that he’s just right there waiting for me).
I can’t thank the Lord enough for giving Gilbert as my husband. We tied the knot in 2005. He is God’s gift to me and I will be eternally thankful to the Lord. Gilbert may not be my first love but he will definitely be my last love.
***I don’t usually talk about my past relationship and I don’t have any harsh feelings toward my ex boyfriend. In fact, I know that if it weren’t for him and our experiences, I might not have met my true love. I’m praying that my experience will be an inspiration to others. Thank you for this opportunity, Kuya Bo! God bless.
Seven years. Seven long years.
I was only fifteen. He was sixteen. Childhood friends. First Love. Oh, what a whirlwind experience!
I guess I was looking for a hunk type that could protect me from all danger. My dad was busy with our family business and I’m always jealous with my friends when they talk about their dads. I don’t have stories to share because dad is focused on his career. And so my feelings for my ex boyfriend blossomed. At a young age, he is exposed to the typical world of notorious teens. As I’m writing this article, everything keeps coming back. All the pain, all the hurt. The deception, the denial.
Gang wars - I can’t recall how many sleepless nights I had, wondering if he’s home instead of starting a fight with other fraternity groups. He even had a friend who almost died because of gang wars. And he was there when his friend was stabbed in the stomach. Reason of the fight? One frat member didn’t like the way the other frat member looked like. It’s a very shallow reason for someone to risk his life but they still do it. If you open his room cabinet, you’ll see weird items that they use when they fight with our groups. There were long steel bars, baseball bats, tear gas, folding knives, home made guns, etc. Gang war is just a normal thing for him. It was like a… hobby.
Alcohol - He can’t last a day without a sip of alcohol. It’s running through his veins. I thought that was cool! I really thought so. There was even a point when I love the smell of beer on his shirt. I feel that again, if he’s a bit drunk, he’s more stronger and invincible. I wake up as early as five in the morning, walk around our neighborhood park, just to check if he’s still there with his friends. And oh yes, there were several times he was so drunk, he just fall asleep, lying on the grass park.
Household Disputes - My dad and I had this terrible fight because he’s not a big fan of my relationship with my ex boyfriend. Dad knew that I won’t have a good future with my ex. I was tagged as the rebellious child because I chose my ex boyfriend over the love of my father. I was so blinded by what I thought was “cool” and right. I would sneak out of the house with every opportunity just to see my ex. I was grounded and dad doesn’t give me allowance. I would painfully accept every slap and hate words of dad because I thought I was doing the right thing — fighting for the one I love.
Out of School - His motivation everyday is only the opportunity to meet his friends in school and they could plan on another mischievous activity. I tried several tactics on how I can show him the importance of school but nothing worked. I answer his homework instead and I even wrote his term paper for his fourth year high school project. In high school, he spent many days jumping from one home to another. He hates going home to his room just like how much he hates going to school. In college, he jumped from one school to another. He couldn’t even finish one semester. Until his parents gave up and decided not to enroll him anymore. It broke my heart that I decided to really look for a job (while studying) so I have money to support his education. I was wiling to make these sacrifices.
Tattoos - He told me that every time I would nag him or mess with him, I’ll see a new tattoo on his body the following day. So I tried my very best not to argue with him. I love him so much that I was afraid to disappoint him. Well, you might have guessed it already. He’d still have a tattoo even without arguing with him.
Drugs - He started with pills and over the counter medications in high school. Then it evolved to marijuana. I had an idea but again, I thought that was just normal and I find it really cool. In college, I found out that he’s taking shabu with his friends. He almost killed himself one day when he saw snakes on his chest. He took a knife and before he could stab his chest, a friend took the knife away from him.
Smoking cigarettes, cutting class, fraternity groups, pot sessions, shop lifting, school cheating - all notorious acts, name it, he can do it. But his shabu experience hit him rock bottom. Their family business died. His parents almost got separated. His other brothers also became addicts. He was terribly moody and uncontrollable. It was a tiring relationship. I had to keep up with all the problems that he and his family are having.
He knew he needed some help from someone else because I was giving up on him. I can’t take it anymore. He sought help from a rehab and started joining support groups. I thought that this is the answer to my prayers. He promised so many beautiful things but I was just led to believe all his promises.
After college, I got my first job as a call center agent. It was the sixth year of our relationship. I met so many new people and I was introduced to a “drug-free” life. (Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t took drugs but I was totally immersed with the life of an addict) I saw and felt that life is so good after all. I realized that life could be happier and there are still clean living people. Yes, for the longest time, my ex boyfriend fed me the idea that every other people is also an addict.
I wanted to get out of the relationship. I attended his support groups as a co-dependent” but it was too uncomfortable. There were so many restrictions and I couldn’t even spend an entire day with him. I felt that I was loving him so much that I forgot about myself already. I tried breaking the sinking relationship but again and again, he pleaded he’d change and everything will fall right in its place. I was afraid to hurt him because he would have a reason to start taking drugs and alcohol all over again. I wouldn’t want to be the reason for his relapse or else, his family would get hurt. I felt trapped. I love him but I want to love myself more.
The following months became colder for us. I remember missing our “date” and he was very furious. He waited four hours or more for me. And for the first time, it didn’t bother me much that he was furious. He wasn’t talking to me the whole time we were together but it was just fine for me. I slowly gained my dad’s trust. My family noticed that I don’t talk much about my ex boyfriend anymore. The new things that I talk about are my job, my boss, my office mate, my new friends. I got a new haircut, bought new clothes, felt more confident. I felt SO ALIVE!!!!!
I was having a grand time.
I wasn’t looking for any other person in my life.
And there he was.
Gilbert.
A tall, dark and handsome man. Well educated. Spiritually healthy. Smart and best of all, sober.
I wasn’t ready for a new relationship. He was modest enough to give me time. We became the best of friends. We shared stories about our past relationships. It wasn’t hard for me to share my experience because he just got off from a relationship with an addict. That’s right, her ex girlfriend is also an addict.
I realized that life can be sweet. That life is a blessing from the Lord. Gilbert showed me the “real” world. He taught me how to be an obedient child. He gave me the courage to apologize and fix my relationship with dad. He taught me how to laugh so hard that would make my stomach hurt. He taught me how to take care of myself physically (He’s athletic and we jog around the neighborhood every week), mentally (We’d play mind games and the loser will buy merienda the following day), spiritually (He would join me and my family with Sunday mass), and emotionally (He assured me that he’s just right there waiting for me).
I can’t thank the Lord enough for giving Gilbert as my husband. We tied the knot in 2005. He is God’s gift to me and I will be eternally thankful to the Lord. Gilbert may not be my first love but he will definitely be my last love.
***I don’t usually talk about my past relationship and I don’t have any harsh feelings toward my ex boyfriend. In fact, I know that if it weren’t for him and our experiences, I might not have met my true love. I’m praying that my experience will be an inspiration to others. Thank you for this opportunity, Kuya Bo! God bless!
hi bro. bo
I already send my comment in your last blog about finding my one true love. i also include there about my ex-boyfriend and his infidelity. Let me tell you more about it.
I have met him on my first job. He is a very bossy person sobrang high ng aura nya pagdating sa authority. We first made an encounter in one of the outside event in our company that time. I guess i made an impression dahil nakipagkilala siya agad sa akin. Hanggang sa hindi na niya ako tinantanan. eventually i found out that he is already married. I thought he was courting me so, when i found out about him being married, i get angry. i didn’t tell him that i know about it. I thought that it is better for him to open it up to me than me asking it. kung baga if he is really serious about me he will find the courage to do that. and so he did tell me just several days after i found out. i told him that he can’t continue what he is doing. I am not a home wrecker… we eventually became friends. he told me about his problem with his wife. he told me how other people hate him, how people don’t like him, how no one loves him. i started na maawa sa kanya, i told him encouraging words. I told him na their are people who will love him kung sino man siya. i want to prove him that he is wrong. He keep on asking me kung masama daw ba ang magmahal… and i would always told him it depends, as long as you are not hurting other people, i guess it is ok to love that someone. those time friendship is the only thing that i could gave him.
people around him also told him about his wife’s relationship with another men but he didn’t believe them at first. we accidentally met that guy when we have another event outside. he saw his wife with another man..his own friend. from that day on he didn’t accept his wife back in their house, so they got separated and from then on we became closer until finally i gave in. how can i not love him, he is very kind and sweet, he is very attentive. i learned many things from him, in truth i am so innocent pagdating sa takbo ng buhay and how the society works. we have a wonderful one whole year until i found out his weakness… women… isa siyang playboy…isang babaero. i learned about it when i accidentally read one of the text message of his one so-called lady friend. and it is not a friendly message but a lovers message. ilang beses ko siyang nahuhuli because of that. i know that it is bad na makialam sa gamit ng iba pero dun ko kasi siya nahuhuli. how he hate me doing that. i became paranoid. away-bati ang drama namin. i forgot about myself and about God, I didn’t even attend mass, i was so busy with my relationship with him and to find ways to make him change na nailalayo ko na pala ang sarili ko to God. ilang beses ko pa siyang nahuli. at ilang beses din akong nakikipaghiwalay sa kanya. i even saw him with another woman pero every time that he would ask for forgiveness i always gave it to him. friends told me to let him go because he is not worth it. and i know and realize that but i was so afraid that no one will love me again. yup i have a low self esteem at dinadagdagan niya iyon. naging baligtad naman ngayon ang pangyayari… he uses words to tell me that no other guy would want me as much as he wants me. he always told me that i look like a maid. ako naman ngayon ang nagkakaroon ng low self esteem dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. the worst part of it is i believe him.
i told him over and over na kung he doesn’t love me anymore just say it and let me go. masakit man but i am willing to accept dahil ayokong ipagpilitan ang sarili ko sa isang taong ayaw na sa akin, but he didn’t and he still continued having relationship other than me. until he found another woman and that other woman keeps on coming into our life like a plague. would you believe na pinalalabas pa ng babaeng iyon na ako ang nang-agaw at naninira ng relasyon nila? I hate that woman very much.
until finally i gave up. i was so tired with all this charade. i have no energy left. i felt like a dry plant. dying little by little. i met the girl several times and in those time he would always choose me over her. but the girl keep on coming, he said it his fault because he would still communicate with her. the last time he chooses me the girl and i made a vow that whoever he chooses ay hindi na babalik kailan man. pero hindi siya tumupad. i saw them together sa bahay where he was staying. i cried so hard that last time. i cried like i never cried before. i cried for my self sa pagiging tanga ko for 5 years that we are together. kaya kahit na masakit i let him go… this time for good. he would still send me messages sa e-mail and sa cell phone. sa umpisa nagagawa ko pang sumagot. kaso paulit-ulit lang din ang usapan namin kaya binitiwan ko na. matagal din bago siya nawala sa system ko. matagal din bago ako nakapag-start to move on. i would not deny that it still hurt me whenever i remember what he did to me. pero nakalipas na ito…with God’s help i am finally move on…
i am now have a new relationship. masaya ako sa kanya. I already told him about my ex-boyfriend and what he did to me. he accepted me. and through him God gave me the sign that I always prayed when i was in high school sa Blessed Sacrament.
I didn’t regret what happened to me. for me it is a lesson that i need to learn and exprience first hand. so that i would know how to treasure and love myself and the man who is destined to be with me for the rest of my life. i hope my story would help others who taught that love is enough in a relationship.
JJ > How to End a Bad Relationship > Unrequited Love
I’m JJ and this is how i ended my bad relationship. Probably, not among the relationships listed above, but i believe many of us had experienced, have been experiencing, and will experience this kind.
-Tip of the iceberg: Bird’s Eyeview
I have loved a woman for more than three years and as stated in the heading, yep, it’s unrequited, unreciprocated, one-sided. I have lived my first vision in life, which is to see her happy, to make her happy, to make her feel special.
For three years, I committed myself to loving her no matter what it takes. No matter how improbable and impossible things may be, no matter how impracticable, unconscionable, for me, it’s nothing coz i know that i’m in love. And it took me three years to realize that “hey, JJ, what are you doing with your life? why are you still holding on? won’t you ever give up?”
I was very positive, very hopeful, that things will fall into their right places; that planets would align; that it was written in the stars; that we’ll be together. Until it hit me when i’m about to lose my sanity.
I continued and went my way, though it was obvious that there was really no chance, it’s futile. I was waiting for her to break my heart, and it never came. So before it happened, i cut it.
-The Closure: Two Questions
When?: March 8, 2008
How?: By a decision. A firm and final decision.
It’s not the first time that i tried. But it was the last time that i hoped. This day, i decided to end this. At around 6-8 pm, in her house, i left the package containing every memory (a movie file containing the journey to love, a diary/ organizer, a perfume and the receipts - hopeless romantic!) i had that could be associated with her.
And there was one thing i was really afraid of after this, that i won’t be able to love the same way again.
And that was my only prayer. “Lord, please turn the page.”
- My One True Love: Greenbelt Chapel Miracle
I didn’t know when God will respond, but i believed, He definitely will. Whatever happens, it happens for a reason, and it serves me. God has planned it for us. He is the Author of our greatest love story.
On June 1, 2008, at Greenbelt Chapel, even when planets were not aligned, i heard angels singing. I could feel love has found it’s way again. I smiled, she smiled back. And the rest of the love story? Yes, we’re still writing it, one day at a time.
-Lessons: A Lot
These are just SOME of the realizations i have. These are the major titles:
1) Degree of love and Mission Impossible;
2) The Expectator and Mr. Hopeful; and
3) Why is it hard to ask and harder to answer?
I really would love to share the whole story, escpecially all the learnings. Below are some of the quotations i made related to this story:
- “It’s not that i know that she can’t love me back; it’s just that i know that i can love her more.” JJV
- “Our hearts may be tired, grow weary and burdened; but then again, in its slightest beat, we know that in it, love still resides.” JJV
refer also to the Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:13; Matthew 21:22; Psalm 46:10.
Godbless Bo!
Hi JJ! I have just read your story and I’m happy that you’ve already moved on. Three years is, well, three years. Seems like you’ve really sacrificed a lot. But surely God knows that this has to happen to you, and HE blessed your seemingly broken road that led you straight to your one true love. I hope you find your true joy in her. May God bless your new relationship and may this relationship be His reason to all the pains that you’ve gone through. God bless you!
hi brother bo,
i had this boyfriend, i met him through a common friend and chat when i was in third year college, he admitted to me that before we met he’s a drug user,somehow a s*x addict and a frat member yet i accepted him with all my heart because he told me things like he chnaged since he met me.
i just ended my relationship with him because he cheats me and makes me look like a trash in her girl (well not literally cause everything happened through a terrible phone call).First, since he went in one asian country he keeps on telling me things about his classmate(he study there last year,2007),that this girl lives in the same town as mine, she’s a mistress and the boyfriend of this girl is the one who sent the girl in school in that country. He would say bad things about this girl like she’s so flirt that she’ll try to kiss a guy when she’s drunk but lately things change, he doesn’t want us to talk about that girla dn he would say good things about that girl and it became clear when he admitted that he had an affair with his friend but i forgave him because he said that he just did it because he was tempted and simply because he’s missing me so much so he finds comfort through this girl, when he came back here in the philippines for a vacation i do accepted him and believed that our relationship is sweeter and stronger the second time around. But after a couple of months he called me and said that the girl is pregnant, okay! here’s the “problem” but he said that he can’t let go of me, we started cooling on and off well because my mom wants us to be separated (obviously my mom doesn’t want me to be committed with a man like him) but i didn’t listen with my mom i still continue having a communication with him through net/chats and he keeps on pleading for me not to go away cause im the only one who understands him. To make the story short, i still entertain him until one day he told me that he’ll be buying something when i called him, the girl answers the phone and said that im the one who keeps on running after my ex where in fact i really pity him that’s why despite the fact im hurt, i still decided to be friend with him(although i admit that i still love him during those times), after that we exchange messanges and say goodbye.
The worst??? all information that he gave to me was all lies, his surname, age, family status(he told me his living with his father where in fact his father is already dead!), and even his residence in this particular asian country.Ive learn all this from the wife of his cousin and he made an account where he and his girl’s pix would be seen and the girl wasn’t really pregnant! gosh it was really painful.
One more thing same tactic, theres this myanmar girl that he keeps on discriminating like she’s not pretty, two timer, would always ask him to go out in a date until i discover through a message that he is the one who keeps on showing affection for this girl and would even go and watch a movie with her.
I don’t know what kind of soul he has to invent such things like that, well of course it’s also my fault for accepting him all over again.
Right now im focusing with my work and as my mom told me God loves me cause He doesn’t want me to be with this guy who’ll do nothing but lie and hurt me. Whenever i feel the pain i just keep in mind that God has a reason for everything that’s happening in my life, i might not know that reason right now but i know its for my own good.
Dear brother bo,
i had this boyfriend, i met him through a common friend and chat when i was in third year college, he admitted to me that before we met he’s a drug user,somehow a s*x addict and a frat member yet i accepted him with all my heart because he told me things like he chnaged since he met me.
i just ended my relationship with him because he cheats me and makes me look like a trash in her girl (well not literally cause everything happened through a terrible phone call).First, since he went in one asian country he keeps on telling me things about his classmate(he study there last year,2007),that this girl lives in the same town as mine, she’s a mistress and the boyfriend of this girl is the one who sent the girl in school in that country. He would say bad things about this girl like she’s so flirt that she’ll try to kiss a guy when she’s drunk but lately things change, he doesn’t want us to talk about that girla dn he would say good things about that girl and it became clear when he admitted that he had an affair with his friend but i forgave him because he said that he just did it because he was tempted and simply because he’s missing me so much so he finds comfort through this girl, when he came back here in the philippines for a vacation i do accepted him and believed that our relationship is sweeter and stronger the second time around. But after a couple of months he called me and said that the girl is pregnant, okay! here’s the “problem” but he said that he can’t let go of me, we started cooling on and off well because my mom wants us to be separated (obviously my mom doesn’t want me to be committed with a man like him) but i didn’t listen with my mom i still continue having a communication with him through net/chats and he keeps on pleading for me not to go away cause im the only one who understands him. To make the story short, i still entertain him until one day he told me that he’ll be buying something when i called him, the girl answers the phone and said that im the one who keeps on running after my ex where in fact i really pity him that’s why despite the fact im hurt, i still decided to be friend with him(although i admit that i still love him during those times), after that we exchange messanges and say goodbye.
The worst??? all information that he gave to me was all lies, his surname, age, family status(he told me his living with his father where in fact his father is already dead!), and even his residence in this particular asian country.Ive learn all this from the wife of his cousin and he made an account where he and his girl’s pix would be seen and the girl wasn’t really pregnant! gosh it was really painful.
One more thing same tactic, theres this myanmar girl that he keeps on discriminating like she’s not pretty, two timer, would always ask him to go out in a date until i discover through a message that he is the one who keeps on showing affection for this girl and would even go and watch a movie with her.
I don’t know what kind of soul he has to invent such things like that, well of course it’s also my fault for accepting him all over again.
Right now im focusing with my work and as my mom told me God loves me cause He doesn’t want me to be with this guy who’ll do nothing but lie and hurt me. Whenever i feel the pain i just keep in mind that God has a reason for everything that’s happening in my life, i might not know that reason right now but i know its for my own good.
I did not. I mean, it wasn’t MY decision to get out.
Looking back, I realized it was His loving hands at work..the decade long relationship wasn’t working for both of us. I was just too blinded to see that it needs to end.
I cling on to the relationship like a stubborn nail. He constantly says that I dont deserve him, and yet I chose to love him. He bailed out on me twice, and yet everytime he comes back and apologizes, I took him in and tried to bring back the trust that was lost. And that was hard — trusting again. In the end, he left again without warning to be with another girl. Unfortunately, this girl was my friend..and that makes it all the more horrible and hurtful for me.
Right now, I am on the road to recovery. I see myself more deserving of a truer love because I am worth so much than the girl that I thought I was. I am working on forgiving them, and preparing myself to a better love that’s coming my way.
Thank God I was saved. Love does moves in mysterious ways =)
Bro. Bo and Ms. Marowe…
Your love story really inspired me.
As much as Bro. Bo makes me feel hopeful whenever he gives talks…
Ms. Marowe really inspires me much more.
When I knew about her “love relationship” story, I felt like I wasn’t the only person who had the same heartache. And realizing that she was able to “let go and move on”… I was inspired. Thinking that in time… everything will be great for me!
That my “God given guy” will be with me…
Thanks so much for sharing your life to us…
I love you both!
God bless!
ps: Ms. Marowe I hope you liked the “cupcake” I gave you last July (on Bro. Bo’s bday)
although i didn’t come from a bad relationship, i would like to thank you for this very timely topic .
i’m going through rough times now. i was resigned to the thought that i wouldn’t be able to move on. but the stories of these people have given me hope that yes, i will find my one true love someday.
Praying for mr. Right for a very long time!
When I was young, I loved to hear my parent’s love story and found out that my mom prayed for his husband(my dad) at a very young age thus, I did the same thing, since I was in grade six I prayed for mr. right and I thought it was easy coz I fell in loved and fell out of love twice!
actually I asked God to help me find the right one , make a good person out of my husband to be and to help me be the good person to deserve him and
i wrote down a letter to our Lord, write down the qualities I am looking for and slipped it to the bible,
that was 8 years ago after I broke up with my bad boy image bf, who tortured me emotionally and taken me for granted for so many times and would just visit me if it’s 15th or 30th of the month for me to treat him for dinner and will broke up with me when our anniversary or my birthday is coming he will make up a fight so he had reasons not to show up to treat me, huh! fair- weather bf and he was the one who broke up with me and that’s it he left me! coz I was very manang and conservative that I won’t give in to what he want!
sorry for him I may be stupied to fall in love with him but I am not that stupied to fall into his trap, because I believed in the sanctity of marriage and I don’t want a live-in relationship, no matter how permissive our society is,
Well it hurt when bad bf left me but I have surrendered it to the Lord and prayed that I know he was not the one for me after 2 years I realized that he will not be a good husband and not handsome at all!
he will not be a responsible one or a faithful one.
That night i really can’t sleep and I prayed that the next time I will fall in love again please Lord help me to fall deeply in love with the right person much greater than my past bf’s so I would not regret or look back again from my previous relationship, as i mentioned earlier I wrote down the qualities;
then I dreamt of my friend as if God is telling me that he was the right one, after a few weeks i can’t help myself thinking of him, dreaming of him as in I am madly in love for this friend of mine but I kept it to myself until the day he said that he loved and I acccept it after three months of going steady he proposed and in just 6 months of our relationship we got married,
I got a bonus from God the church that I was dreaming of to get married someday was Binondo with extra bonusses of storm senyayan and reming! and now I am happy with two lovely daugthers and a God-given husband that I prayed for since I was in Grade six and I can say he was my one true Love!
It is all right to wait, asking God for the right person is much better than consulting manghuhula, God knows what’s best for us whetHer it is to stay single, married or live a religious life as nun or priest just stick to God’s rules and His will and He will bless you beyond your expectations!
Have a happy and blessed one true love searching!
relationship with a married man
( choosing between me and a bicyle)
i have written in the previous article but its only now ive got the courage to write fully about my “one true love”..
u see, i was in a relationship with a married man, actually, i didnt know that.. its just only recently that i’ve gotten to know about it.
i was fooled, made to believe that although he was married, he has gotten an annulment. we seldom see each other as he is working abroad, last year, he went home for good, we have lots of plans for our future.
i was living a comfortable life, with my little business, i was also working in an ofis fulltime. i was making myself ready for our future bcos we have plans of putting up a business.
i am a single mom, i have a kid from a previous relationship, and it was not an issue with him. i was hapi then bcos, here is sumone, my knight in shining armour, willing to embrace me and accept me for who i am despite of my past.
i thought our relationship was OK, whenever he was around, we would spend time, i love to travel and hes my companion.
even if hes here in the philippines, we still seldom see each other since im in visayas hes from mindanao, so its mostly phone calls and txt msgs
thats when doubts began haunting me, he says that his business is there and that he has to attend to it, that also gave me more doubts bcos money became a problem for him, i wud give him money, lent him as he would say, will pay you back.
it has become persistent and i would see less and less of him, im a giver, i would easily give in to his request, felt pressured everytime he would ask, but felt nice in a way bcos i felt im wanted. my giving in to him became persistent, from his cpload to the payment of hospital bills of his relatives.. everything.. everything…i couldnt say NO. bcos i am afraid of him,of the fact that he might leave me, and i dont want to be alone again.
with all of these, i feel empty, thats y i resulted into reading self enriching books, YOUR BOOKS. bringing myself to church evrytime emptiness struck me, asking GOD for guidance. YOUR BOOKS, was my inspiration BO.. your words…maybe ur my one true love…kidding…
i became less and less a giver to my man’s qualms bcoz i was feeling robbed off my “pinaghirapan”, its a wake up call for me. i am no longer afraid of him leaving me bcoz i cant give him anything anymore.
a test for his love for me, he was asking me for a bicycle, i told him no.. that became an issue, a big fight, of course i could afford a bicycle, but i couldnt anymore.. so he communicated less, and everytime, the bicycle is the topic.. so.. i realized, i was only worth the bicycle for him. and i couldnt see him anymore without me sending him money for his transportation.. ha ha ha..
bo.. i am so ashamed of myself.. for the things i do, in my quest for keeping my one true love..
came one day… a txt msg from sumone saying she’s the wife.. asking me not to see him anymore.. and that there are still other women.. aside from me…i said, its OK, im not seeing him anymore and that i am sorry…
but i did ask for an explanation from him, but until today, as i am writing this, no explanation .. still…
maybe if my story gets published, i’ll send him the copy of your book.. he he he..maybe then he’ll be enlightened..
BO, im still healing, but one thing ive realized, hes not worth my love…
and i have found my one true love.. my family, my kid.. love isnt asking how much you can give .. its unconditional..not equivalent to a bicycle…
thanx for inspiring us BO..
my husband is a chronic liar but i love him to the point that i think i couldn’t leave him…i’ve discovered his behavior before we got married last dec 2007 but i still chose to marry him because he got me pregnant and i thought that everytime i forgive him, he would change his behavior…i guess i was wrong… we now have a 6 month old baby (she is probably one of the reasons why i couldn’t leave my husband) the latest lie he made was to hide the fact that we no longer have our savings which is supposedly for our baby’s christening…i just learned it when i checked my atm the other night that it only has P3..when i asked him about it, he said he transferred the money to his other atm….i asked why he did that but he couldn’t give me an explanation..until now i haven’t seen the money yet….im not really sure what happend our savings but im sure that there was something wrong again…..aside from being a liar, i feel that he’s not really ready to commit and be the head of the family…he still couldn’t give up his life when he was still single (ex. drinking sessions, gimiks, barkada)…i feel that he’s not yet that responsible enough to take care of his own family…we still, by the way, live with his parents….at the back of my mind, i feel that i have to get out of it…however, i also feel that i need to fight for our marriage to work since we’re just on our first year…maybe this is just a phase..the thing is im not even sure if he’s also feeling the same thing…we fight a lot lately during the past 2 months…
i need your help brothers and sisters…am i right in holding on with our relationship wishing that we could resove our issues? or should i get out of it ASAP…what should i do? i’m really confused….
i would really appreciate any advice that you could give…thanks so much…
Relationship with an Unfaithful Jerk
I read your article with an echoing spirit today, Bo. I may be young of age, 20, but I know what it is like to be in a relationship that started with bliss but ended with disaster. When I graduated from high school I met my boyfriend which for all intents and purposes I will hide underneath the name “J”. He helped me a lot with the break up process from my first boy friend. And the one thing that I liked about him is that he made me laugh– a lot. He was, and to this day, a very congenial person, always making people feel happy and content. And that is what attracted me to him.
I have strict parents. And they did not allow me to have a boyfriend– not yet anyway. So the rebellious side of me kept my relationship with J a secret. I kept it a secret for four years in its entirety. Of course my friends knew and they’d help me cover up my tracks but at every turn I’d have to resort to evasive structures with my parents [aka lying]. The first 2 years of our relationship were good ones. Of course we’d fight but we’d patch things up. However there would be times when the fighting would escalate so much that we’d call it quits– and just cool off. Of course after a few weeks or months we’d get back together again. This pattern bothered me a lot but I thought that this was what real love was like. I based my decisions with him by answering the question: “He makes me laugh and are there better prospects out there?”. It was a desperate and feeble attempt, I know now, but at that time there was no one else so I’d stay.
Things turned for the worse when he called me up one day after talking to an ex of his with a statement “Can you help me get over her?”. That bombed everything I knew out the window. I was the current love of his life and yet he was asking me to help him get over the previous one. That hurt a lot and I remember getting really angry and crying on the phone. He didnt get how that one statement hurt me, he didn’t understand. He thought, or so this is how he explained it to me, that honesty was the best policy. Telling me, he thought was the best way to go. I cannot argue with the logic but the way he told me was what set the tone for the next two years of our relationship.
I broke up with him. But that one enigmatic question remained the standard so I’d say the “I love you’s” once more after a few months. But the whole cheating thing was a cloud above us. I could not forget that while he was saying he loved me, he liked the other girl as well. To make matters worse I’d see this girl of his along the corridors of my school and she’d remind me all the time. We fought a lot as well, J and I. They escalate so much that painful words were thrown in the air. We never got physical — throw punches and the like– but words have the same effect anyway. Until I couldnt take it anymore.
I broke up with him earlier this year and spent the succeeding months trying to center myself. It helped a lot, similar to your wife, to be active in my church’s activities and retrace my devotional habits. At the moment I am in a new relationship that I feel has been blessed because at the darkest moments with J i was praying that God send me someone who will love me as much as He does. And M, the guy I am with, prayed the same thing with the help of some nuns. Many think its coincidence but we both don’t think so. It was perfect timing only the way God does it.
God Bless.
RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN’T COMMIT
I fell for a jerk years back who showed me sweetness, affection and importance, but can’t commit to having a relationship with me. It went on and off and on again, which lasted for almost 4 years I think. And between and during the ons and offs he would also court others behind my back. Thinking about it now makes me feel very very stupidly in love. And to think that we were very active in a catholic community. Talk about not practicing our faith huh? I was always hoping that one day, he would commit, that I would be “THE ONE” to finally make him commit. Hah! Fat chance! Anyway, I guess for me, it was also part of the challenge, a so-called “eligible bachelor” would finally burn his “black book”.
Then in 2005 came a call from God to go on missions to other countries. I guess it was His answer to my repeated sobbing prayers. And I faithfully answered His call and attended the trainings and finally went out on an almost 2 weeks mission. When I came back, you could say that God finally opened my eyes and taught me to see things through His eyes. And that’s when I finally said enough is enough! Same goes to my so called friends who continuously tried to convince me that it was I, who the guy loved. Thank God also for the faith He gave me that saved me from being one of the guy’s “victims” by having sexual relations outside of marriage. And because of his habit, he got someone else pregnant too. He tried to convince me that he loves me, but I finally had the grace of God to let him go. Thank God!
A few months later, God blessed me with a committed companion, who serves wholeheartedly in the same community, a beautiful love story, a beautiful wedding and now an angel, who will soon be born in May 2009. God is Good!
Be inspired to serve Him always!
God bless!
I can’t get out..
Please help.
Yes, there is that One True Love for everyone.
I too had a share of bad relationships in the past. First was a 4 year relationship only to end in betrayal and lies. And I also believe that before you meet the right person for you, you will be in a relationship where you would really feel stupid and dumb. Up to the point where you would question yourself how you let those things happen or how you let the other person do that to you. Yes, there will be that one point, one time.
My last relationship before my husband, I was lied to in the face, been given all the stories. I find myself defending him and our relationship to everyone when the world is telling me that something is not right, I keep rationalizing otherwise. When finally you don’t feel good about yourself, when I finally admitted that I’m dumb to still be in this relationship, when I was faced by the fact that I deserve better, I was able get out of the relationship. I guess we just have to love ourselves more. Be around those people who will tell you how special you are, how much of a blessing they feel we are. And these people are families and friends who will tell you you’re being dumb when you’re acting like one.
I am now happily married to a guy who I always refer to as my answered prayer. Because God was really in control when He gave him to me.
I just got out of that “dumb” relationship when I met him. At that time, I wasn’t even thinking about getting into one or even meeting new people. At a common friends wedding, that’s where it all started. We both lived in different states but communication was never a problem. We finally became a couple and had a long distance relationship. Then his job required him to move again this time to another country. It wasn’t easy but it’s not hard either. Once you are committed to the relationship and you trust with your heart, it will happen. One of my friends used to tell me that when I pray for a partner, to give God the specifics. Like if I want him tall, caucasian, smart or rich. She did it and it came true with her. In my case, considering everything that happened in the past, how I rationalized everything that things would work out, that this is my guy, I know now that God knows better. That He will give me my hearts desire, in His time, in His way. And He did. During our wedding, as the pastor is reading the verse from the Book of Corinthians and as we exchange vows, the flowers on the trees are falling upon us like snow. That is God, blessing our marriage. Everyday, I couldn’t thank God enough for my wonderful husband. How my marriage made me humble of His blessings. How this one person fulfilled me more than I ever imagined. And again, this is all because of God. He is in the works, all we need is to trust. All the cliche about meeting the wrong ones to prepare us for the right person, for our true love is TRUE. In the same manner that when the right person is in front of you, you’ll know. You’ll just know.
Trust and give thanks always to the Lord our God.
trying to get out!!!…please help me…..
They said he would just hurt me, that he had a habit of jumping in and out of relationships, that he was not ready for a serious commitment yet. Yeah, I had been warned, then again he proved me wrong. He pursued me like a perfect gentleman and despite the odds, he became my first bf. We had the usual share of relationship ups and downs and both our worlds have already accepted us.
Then weeks ago, he returned to his old ways. He was unfaithful, he apologized but I didn’t feel the sincerity with his remorse and regret. After all we’ve been through and with all of our future plans, he chose to blow it all up with what he claimed was a night of weakness and stupidity. Blinded by love as I was, I could have easily forgiven him if he would have faced the issue like a man. But he chose to remain distant. Fortunately, God was there to shake me to my senses and gave me the courage to break it up for good.
Below is an excerpt from my own blog as I move on towards healing and recovery. I know that God allowed me to feel the pain so I might be refined and ready. I believe that God is pointing me towards my one true love. And I’m hopeful that someday soon, I will love again.
From www.onlyjan.blogspot.com
So it happened. I was caught unaware. My mind kept intellectualizing what just happened and somehow it gives me comfort. Everyday the numbness is slowly melting away, the haunting memory is fading. Yet every now and then, I can still feel the sting. True I barely escaped a lifetime of misery and I’m thankful for the abrupt awakening, but nobody can deny how difficult the transformation is.
So I’m broken. I’m not the same person I was before. A part of me has died and no matter how much crying I do, it will never be the same again. I can never look at the person the same way again. The sad reality about betrayal is that you’ll never really have closure and you’ll never really understand why it happened. The smartest thing to do is just to let go.
So what if I stumbled and fell? Sad to say but some people will have to learn the lesson the hard way. And yes, I’m one of those stubborn but hopeful ones. I took the risk and fell so deep that I almost drowned.
It was during this dark passage that was I able to see God’s face through family and friends. The love and support were so overwhelming that the recovery which could have lasted for months started almost immediately. Love ones from all over reached out to help me mend my brokenness. I am truly blessed. I will forever be grateful to all of you.
Sure there will still be sleepless nights, occasional tears, sudden gut-wrenching pain, and unbearable heartaches. The road to recovery isn’t easy after all. But what’s important is that we have the courage to rise again after the fall, to accept what happened and learn from it.
My heartfelt thanks goes out to all of my true friends who stood by me and held me when my old world fell apart. (And to Les who gave me Paolo Coelho’s piece, a part of which I have shown below…)
“One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through… None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us… Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away…
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.”
when i was in college i had a special “best friend”. we were so close and i love him. but he did not love me but we kept going out. he had also this financial problems and i was the one who helps him. i even paid for his tuition, boarding house and allowance. i helped him because i see myself in him as a working student.naaawa ako.i lasted for almost 4 years.then one day after my graduation he did not want to see me again and want to forget all about me because he had his real girlfriend. i was devastated that time to think of our long friendship. he never talked to me again and he never paid his utang
again i had a real boyfriend a year ago. i thought i’ll be happy because he said he loves but i was wrong. he’s a verbal abuser saying harsh words to me and he was a bum. like my so caleed bestfriend he had this financial problems, and again naawa na naman ako. he kept borrowing money for a year.last may i decided to end that relationship bexause nakakapagod na. and again he never talked to me and paid also his utang.
bakit ganun sila? i would be rich if i did’nt help them. is it wrong to help?
is it hard to search for a true love. but i think i just have to wait..
a persn who will manage to get rid of my insanity..
RELATIONSHIP WITH A MARRIED MAN
I am like Marowe in your story, but with a married man. I met this guy in a technical event last January and then he started to chat to me online. He kept on chatting with me until I felt that he has feelings for me. I got enticed and everytime he gives me a buzz I also talk to him. I know in the first place that he is married and has 3 kids but I ignore it and got blinded by my own feelings. I also developed feelings for him and because I unconsciously needed somebody to love me, we secretly met in a motel and had sex thrice within 7 months. I had no first boyfriend and I was a virgin but he is my first (who devirginized me). We were both become scared that I might get pregnant but good thing I am not. It was very, very painful for me. I really feel like a big talunan (loser). I lost my virginity that I would have offered to someone I really deserve. And knowing that at the end of the day, he always end up with his wife in his arms. He’s a very selfish man. Like you’ve said, I have a very poor self-image, and I unconsciously needed someone to prove me that. Now I am not communicating to him online and I am just starting to find myself. Please pray that I wake up from my own insanity, receive emotional and spiritual healing and set myself free from this sinful and painful relationship.
Dear Bro.Bo
Bad relationship to my husband is so bad talaga..My husband is a military man…maraming bisyo sugal sabong babae…d ko lam na magiging ganito ang buhay ko sa kanya naiintindihan ko nman na pangalawa lang kami sa buhay nya ang d ko maintidihan konting panahon lang na iginogol nya sa pamilya nya mas inuuna nya ang ang mga bisyo nya..nakakalungkot isipin gusto man siyang intindihin bakit d nya magawa….napag sabihan ko tuloy siya na d siyang ngaing mabuting ama at asawa sa amin…labis siyang nasaksan sa mga sinabi ko sa kanya…kaya kung my problema kami pinabaabot nya ng isang linggo o mahigit pa…duwag siyang harapin ang lahat d cyanag papakita sa akin sa gabi ang duty nya sa araw nman nag trarabaho ako…d ko masabi na gusto ko na siyang hiwalayan tinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung tama nga yon..pls help me to pray…Thanks
Relationship with an addict
He was so romatic, thoughtful, friendly and I was so inlove with him. Whenever we fought, I felt as if my whole world would just crumble. Later in the relationship, he would disappear for weeks without even his family knowing where he is. After 5 years, we got married. But he never changed. he even sold our wedding rings to feed his addiction. I was so blindly inlove, I didn’t know that he was into drugs thats why he disappeared every so often. We fought a lot and I felt that he was with his friends more often than he was with me. I got fed up and applied for a job away from him, but we were still married then. I gave him chances to change but he would fail to deliver his promise. So after almost two years of marriage, I ask him for a two-year separation. With a promise to stay loyal to him even if we were separated. And if he decides that he can be a good husband he can go back and I would welcome him. Two weeks after that he died.
After that I began to repair my low self esteem.With the help of my loving family (parents and sibling), I was able to be happy and I realized that I was given a second chance. I am stronger now and very successful carreer woman. I no longer believe that if a boyfriedn or husband lives me, my whole world will fall apart. Because when I lost my first husband, my whole world did not fall apart. God bless, Bro. Bo.
Greetings everyone! I know that what I’ll share is completely out of topic. I hope that you’ll consider. [smiles] This is about my job. I have been wishing of finding a job that I’ll truly love, that I’ll truly enjoy, that I’ll look forward to. I don’t like what I do to the point that I would sometimes make excuses or pretend that I’m sick so that I can give a reason of not coming to work. I know that everything is in my hands. The decision is mine. However, I feel trapped. I have loans and lots of financial responsibilities. My job pays well. I’m afraid that by leaving that job, I could not pay my debts etc. I don’t know what to do. Well, it is much more complicated than it sounds. I felt like I don’t have a choice. Please pray for me. I need guidance.
hi.
what about a single man having a sexual relationship with another single man?
Hi! just want to share my short story.
Manny & I been in a 8yrs relationship from high school to college life. we are on each other side, full support, advice, every moment with him is unexplainable….
always praying to god that our relationship last forever…
my nightmare came out when he told me that he’s using drugs & already an addict but he want to stop it, he’s not happy with that kind of life & seeking for my support & full understanding…
i didnt leave his side, although im super scared at that time, trying to be tough for him & waiting for positive result, he’s gone through medication because he was suffering from hallucinations, but the doctor did not recommend rehabilitation…..
then in a matter of months we decided to get married, we thought it could help for his present condition, because i can monitor him very now & then, but i was wrong for that thinking, during my pregnancy he’s been good husband to me, trying to be BC to forget his “bisyo”, after i gave birth he’s doing well…… enjoying moment with our baby
& after that relaxation & happy moments, he came back again & happened the unexpected, i’ve become a battered wife, financially short… super stressed & he lost his job….
one day after i got from office, i went to our room to change my clothes, im so shocked coz our TV & Fan are not in there….
i asked the maid where are the tv & fan, she just said that “sabi ni kuya sira daw kya papagawa nya lang”, but im not convinced….
i asked him, he said the thruth that he gave that to his friend in exchange of drugs…..
i feel weak & hopeless at that time,
i’ve decided once & for all, we have to separate, & we will come back to him or we will become whole again if he will change, its his decision now, me & our baby or his “bisyo”,….
that quick decision made me realized that i was right before its to late,
he have to realized by him self what is the most important thing here on earth, but sad to say up to now he’s still addict….
you really never know what future ahead, just keep on praying & ask him to guide you always.
be tough & wag manghinayang sa matagalang relasyon…..
kasi my nag aantay na tao na pra talaga sayo…
Gud luck! god bless to all of us…
I was in love with a sex addict. I didn’t know that he was one though, when we started out as friends and co-workers. We became good friends, and he confided in me about his relationship with his then-girlfriend an the problems that they were having. When they broke up, we fell into the typical “rebound” relationship, and that was when i found out the true reason for their breakup. He got his ex-girlfriend pregnant, and collaborated with her to have an abortion. At that point, i tried to end our relationship, because i am firmly pro-life. But i found my efforts to be weak, because i had fallen into infatuation with him. Because of our emotionally-charged relationship, I became foolish (apart that I was also naive then) and ended up losing my own virginity to him. For a year or so, we went on with this charade and I was begging God to help us get out of that rut, no matter the cost.
I was able to break out of the relationship only by the grace of God, and with His gift of life. He gave me a life-altering blessing that jolted us out of that wrong kind of relationship. I became pregnant with our son, and am now a single mother. Needless to say, when I defiantly refused to have abortion, that ended things between us alright. The journey was long and painful from our sinful ways to a life of grace, but I am happy now and eternally grateful. Because only God can take the worst offense at Him and give it back to the offender as her greatest blessing in life.
I got out after 6 months of agony.
I decided to stop any means of communication after finding out that my boyfriend hasn’t moved on from his ex. It was one December night when I finally got the Gs of what he was talking about. After too many answered questions, I realized that he was still into his ex girlfriend. That crashed me inside. I felt so down, that the whole world turned its back on me.
He never seemed to appreciate all the things that I was doing for him and my love was never reciprocated. We only had our official relationship for three months and after that he broke up with me. He said that he wanted to find himself and to reflect more if he still wants to enter the seminary again. Hearing all his explanations moved me to pity. I assured him that I’ll always be there by his side to help. I devoted the next six months just to assist him. I lend him my Kerygma magazines and other inspirational books just to help him be enlightened. Each night, I would text him just to tell that I always love him but sometimes, I always hanged up with no replies. I always invite him for lunch and find him during my vacant hours just to talk with him but he would play with his friends. I planned for dates but it always ended up a failure. He would always have some excuses. There were times when I gave up but he pulled me back saying that he still love and needs me. We were in a very complicated situation. Every time I stay away, he pulls me back and when I’m with him, he pushes me away. But despite all the rejections, I still stayed with him because during those times I thought that I would be able to help him mature. I thought that my love will change him and in the end, he would come back and love me even more. Because of what I thought was right love, I became blind of his cheats. Never did it enter my mind that he still loves his ex though I always hear him saying her name when there are things that remind him of her. I often get easily jealous but the instinct was weak to wake me up.
And so after what I had discovered that Christmas, I moved on to giving myself time to heal. It was just then when I realized that God had the right time to save me. It was Christmas when I got my heart broken but it easily got healed after seeing my family get together for Noche Buena. I was filled with so much love that it wasn’t hard for me to move on and forgive my ex.
Married to an alcoholic who is also a physical and emotional abuser, still finding a way out
Hi Bo,
I have a bit of a Marowe in me also. I am married for more than 5 years to someone who treats me not as an equal human being but as someone whose purpose was to do his bidding and to entertain him in his life.
He expects me to know all his needs even without him saying anything and gets mad when those needs are not met.
He is an alcohol abuser and has violent tendencies. When he’s drunk, he picks a fight and always brandishes his firearm. Now, it has escalated to the point of him hitting my head and choking me. I fear for my and my 5 year old son’s life. Due to my desperation, instead of having murderous thoughts, I pray to God for divine intervention that my husband would find some other girl to run away with so our marriage would end in a non-violent way (sorry to that girl). But alas, I think I’m the only one who can put up with him.
When we were not married yet, there were already signs of his being abusive such as not recognizing my identity by preventing me from seeing my friends, discouraging me from getting a job and pursuing a degree. Being a co-dependent, I tolerated all these behaviors thinking that he will change. It only became worse.
To the singles out there, recognize abusive behaviors and run without looking back.
Married to an alcoholic who is also a physical and emotional abuser, still finding a way out
Hi Bo,
I have a bit of a Marowe in me also, with low self-esteem. I am married for more than 5 years to someone who treats me not as an equal human being but as someone whose purpose was to do his bidding and to entertain him in his life.
He expects me to know all his needs even without him saying anything and gets mad when those needs are not met.
He is an alcohol abuser and has violent tendencies. When he’s drunk, he picks a fight and always brandishes his firearm. Now, it has escalated to the point of him hitting my head and choking me. I fear for my and my 5 year old son’s life. Due to my desperation, instead of having murderous thoughts, I pray to God for divine intervention that my husband would find some other girl to run away with so our marriage would end in a non-violent way (sorry to that girl). But alas, I think I’m the only one who can put up with him.
When we were not married yet, there were already signs of his being abusive such as not recognizing my identity by preventing me from seeing my friends, discouraging me from getting a job and pursuing a degree. Being a co-dependent, I tolerated all these behaviors thinking that he will change. It only became worse.
To the singles out there, recognize abusive behaviors and run without looking back.
i am so shattered now..i found out that my feelings for my ex boyfriend hasn’t died yet.we didn’t have a “closure”. he left without saying any word. for two years i was left wondering what happend?where did i go wrong..he didn’t say any word..when i thought i got over with it, i thanked God so much.He loves me and that he didn’t want me to be with the kind of person that my ex was.and then he emailed me..he communicated with me again saying “I’m sorry”.I said it’s ok I’m no longer angry..we met.. i told myself for the last time,for old time sake,i thought i was ok.i thought i was fine.when we met, we were like old friends until he confided that he was in abnormal relationship that his girlfriend is a married woman and he was hurting..i felt his pain,.we parted really ok.but when i went home suddenly,i bursted to tears..and asked myself why he couldn’t love me instead…deep inside i don’t want him to be in that kind of relationship, he hurt me so much but i never wish him bad.. i sent him inspiring quotes because i care for him so much..then he said don’t text me tomorrow.we will be together i hope you understand..i was hurt really really hurt because i still love him. i told him that i never stopped loving him..and he told me to stop..he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore he thought it was ok to confide because he thought we are now friends and he said if he has to be away again he will so that i will be okay..he didn’t answer anymore..my only mistake is that i love him so much..i don’t know what kind of person he is,, i met him when he was down,i knew his pain and i feel for him..that empathy turned to love..then he left..he is now in pain again and he let me know…and i’m in pain again..he is torturing me without him knowing it..i know i will get through it because God is with me..He knows that this pure love i have is for someone who is worthy of it..
I was amazed with the story of Marowe . When I was still in the dark of jealousy and low self esteem ( I am talking about the first 4 years of our marriage) being not at peace for a single day with my husband then seems a whole life already. They say it’s a period of adjustment. Before me, my husband had 2 relationships. The first one is his live in partner then, the second is when he worked abroad. Partly, I was guilty because I agreed to have a commitment knowing that he has 2 other relationships already. At first, I thought I could understand him because he is telling me that I am the one he wants to marry and be the mother of his kids to be. I believed him because I love him. Then, it came to a point that I have to give him up because I know there are a bunch of lies already between us. Believing him that he truly loved me and he will give up his 2 relationships. And thinking that I was already selfish, thinking of my own happiness only considering that I am the third party. But nothing happened for a year as he promised until we said goodbye to each other. I moved on . After 7 months of not hearing from him suddenly I received an email from him telling me that he wants me back. I told him, it’s 7 months over. He rushed going back home in the Philippines and presented me a wedding ring ( na hindi ko kasya yung para sa akin at maluwang ang para sa kanya) He still has 2 relationships. I told him, you choose and tell me. Finally, he started to work it out. He set a date with his live in partner on the same date of our first date since he came back in the Philippines. Naturally, our date did not push through because he said he is in Baguio. He sent the last I love you letter to his girlfriend abroad on the day of my birthday. He really worked it out huh?? I love him and I want him as well to be the father of my kids but scary thoughts lingered to my heart and mind. Finally, he said I am his true and only love. To make the story short, we got married. I thought it’s a happily ever after thing. But I was wrong, he still communicates with 2 of his ex girlfriends and I was pregnant with our eldest daughter until I found out. That is where my inferiority and jealousy started. And I am starting to get sick because I bear all the aches in my heart. We always fight and put more pressure in our relationship in all aspects from financial, spiritual and social life. He stopped communicating with his past relationships on our second year but he restricted me in almost everything. He doesn’t want me to touch his cellphone, my ATM and his ATM, he doesn’t want me to be with my family. That is going on for 4 years. And it seems everybody knows how miserable our marriage life was. I offered him to God and pleading to touch my husband’s heart. I moved on by working and joining again my choir, fixed myself including schedules, physical and internal beauty and most importantly, my relationship with God. I tried to rebuild my relationship to God, entrusting to him my life and family. I told him that He is my master planner and surrendered everything to Him. Until the healing hands and compassionate heart of God touched my husband and surprised me on my birthday. After we heard mass and knowing that we will go straight back home, my husband turned the car going to my mother and father’s house and said sorry to all of them on how he treated them and me. We ate outside. He did not say sorry to me but he said sorry by his actions. I cried and cried thanking God for answering my prayer. I don’t know what happened. I thought he is not the right man for me. I was wrong. God wants me to be the woman for my husband. So that we can together praise him and raise our family according to His will. I realized that it’s good that I did not look for a perfect True love but work out the true happiness out with the person I have chosen to make our life and love perfect.
My bad relationship was with my first serious boyfriend. Right from the start it already signaled that it is not a good choice. I met him in a drug rehab center where my brother was also undergoing treatment. And even though my parents already warned me that having a relationship with him is not a good idea, I still went on with it. The relationship lasted for four years – four tumultuous years. I guess his bad habits are really hard to forget. Though he’s not an abusive (verbal / physical) bf, having a relationship with him is not smooth as he’s always insecure of himself. Since I was then working in a multinational company and in an important position, I get to travel and meet a lot of people and experience a lot of things. And every time I get back, naturally I miss him and I’m eager to share all of my stories with him. But sad to say, he’s not interested in hearing any of it and it makes him temperamental. So most of the time, I don’t share it with him anymore as I understand that he is feeling insecure. I guess during those times, he still didn’t fully stopped being dependent on his vices though I don’t see him do it or see him with anything, his temper shows it. I’m not a demanding gf so I give him space (I guess I gave too much of it). We don’t see each other much but I just think that he’s busy with work (he works in their family grocery business). When our relationship reached the 3rd year, he was hinting that he would really like to get married already. Me, being 25 at that time, don’t feel that it’s the right time yet. Besides, I’m not really sure if he’s the right guy for me. However, of course it thrills me that someone is actually contemplating on marrying me. Then the unfortunate event came, his sister-in-law, who is very close to him called me up one day and asked me how I am. I thought that call was just a social call but it turned out that she wanted me to know something. I don’t know if this was plotted by her and my bf’s mom to get rid of me or whatever hidden motive she has. Btw, they’re pure Chinese and they usually prefer to marry someone with Chinese blood. I on the other hand am a full blooded local, brown skin and all! Anyway, I learned from her that my bf already has a 3-year old daughter! Imagine my shock! Our relationship then is turning 4 years. I also learned that should our marriage push thru, he plans to make his daughter our flower girl. What the nerve! The mom of his daughter was a girl from their neighborhood which the family does not approve of that’s why he can’t get married to her. I was really heartbroken. Not because I know I really can’t marry him now but because I was DUPED! I can’t believe I was conned. All this time, he has a relationship with another woman. And his family knew it all along! I wondered what were they thinking?! (I meet them only during social occasions and they know that we were contemplating on getting married though no final plans yet.) But inspite of everything, they still tolerate their son having a relationship with another woman! I realized then and there that I really am not meant to marry this jerk. And I don’t think that we share the same values that I want my children to have in the future. I really am thankful to God for enlightening me early on and leading me to the right path. It dawned on me why he’s always busy with some things before. Why we don’t see each other as often just like normal bf/gfs do. He’s busy with things alright – a lot of things at that! So, I broke up with him after confronting him (on the phone only coz I don’t want him to see how much pain this deceitfulness caused me and still retain my dignity). I just have to hear it from him if it was really true. It was really true and he appeared angered when I asked him about it. He even asked who told me that story but I told him it doesn’t matter anymore. Well, truly when God closes a door, he opens a window of a lot of blessings. And a really lot of blessings came in. I enjoyed my being single. I spent more time with my family and friends and I dated (friendly dates) a lot of guys. Since I like to eat out, I had different dates at lunch and dinner! What a blast! And most importantly, I learned to really look out for the criteria of a guy that I really want to seriously have the next relationship with. And so I met my husband in graduate school. And the rest should I say is history. I’m now blessed with a very loving and perfect husband of 7 years and we have a very smart and equally good-looking 5-year old son. Life is beautiful!
My advise to all singles, be smart in loving and in everything you (literally) do, put God first and everything right will come beautifully. God bless!
This isn’t about me as I have yet to find someone who would love me despite of who I am. But of a friend of mine who had a relationship with a married man.
We were discontented in our jobs and left to apply at another company. We were accepted so fast because they needed people then and it was a new account (we work at a call center by the way). In the process, we ended up living with two more men who were also our former co-workers in the same company we had just resigned on, they just left ahead of us.
We didn’t live in one apartment at first but in two different rooms. Now while we were adjusting our lives in Angeles, my friend and one of the men became really close. It didn’t occur to the rest of us (we’re 6 in total) that it would lead to something else until one day, she told us that they’ve been a couple for the past month that we were in training.
It was a shock especially since the man was married with two daughters. She explained to us that he was not happy with his wife, who was hardly affectionate and loving, etc. etc. I knew it was wrong but I didn’t say anything because amongst us we had this belief that whatever you do is your own choice, so we didn’t stop them. I did warn her not to expect this kind of relationship to be easy and acceptable. She knew that, but went on with it because she loved the guy.
I was processing my resignation after two months of boredom and also unable to bear what I am seeing as I felt it was a mockery of love, when the wife arrived with their one year old daughter. We were in a panic because my friend and the guy slept in one room and we (three women and a man) in another. So the sleeping arrangements had to change.
It was only I returned home that I heard the wife found out about the affair. It was a mess! The wife went as far as threatening me and another friend who had resigned to have us sacked in our current jobs or be abducted and it wasn’t our fault in the first place! Not to mention we already left.
My friend left the company and came home one month later and we talked saying the guy was going to file an annulment. That never happened.
Well, to cut it short, one year later it just ended. The guy got another girl to play around with and the wife was already living with him! They suddenly disappeared one day only to find out that they came back home as well. To make things worse, the guy is in the same company my friend is currently employed. Talk about awkwardness!
I advised my friend that the best revenge is to be happy and she is very happy with her job and friends, when she does run into him she smiles at him sweetly and he just ignores her. It was like showing that she’s happy, he’s not.
As a single person with no boyfriend since birth seeing this kind of experience and also other stories with my other friends like who are stuck in a dead end relationship just because the guy can’t make up his mind or the fact that one would just go to the internet to have a ‘relationship’ with someone just to forget how badly a breakup ended is scary and makes me wonder if I still wanted to experience this little thing called love.
I still do. But I feel like it should be on my terms and that I plan to use my head (and hope it stays that way). People say I am too choosy but what do they expect me to do, say yes to the first guy who asked? No way!
Reading How to Meet You One True Love helped me realize I need to get out of my own comfort zone and live life. I have yet to get there but I hope I do.
I do appreciate any advice from people on how to cope with being single and about looking for that special someone out there.
Hi Bro. Bo,
You are so right …. I don’t understand why we settle for less when the Lord has something better for us.
I was in a relationship for three years with a man that really did not know what he wanted in life. For those three years it was a roller coaster ride — he would be good to me somedays and just ignore and hurt me the other days. We broke up and made up a lot of times during those three years —- I never thought having a relationship can be this difficult.
I always thought and felt that he was the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with I was even accepting everything as it was but God has better plans for me. After our last break up —- I thought it was just one of those we used to have —- he got engaged to someone else. This hurt me so much because he barely knew her and we are not really broken up yet. He got very sick and needed a major operation —- through all the pain the Lord gaveme the courage to still visit him. Upon arriving at the hospital I realized that the reason he broke up with me was because he already had a feeling he had cancer — he said he just wanted a better life for me because I was way too young for him (18 years apart). He was really scared of dying alone which was the reason why he proposed to the other woman (he met on line and barely knew). He kept assuring me that he loves me it just did not seem to be right for him to expect me to take care of him. The other woman was nowhere in sight —- I took care of him anyway (through the pain). Even his doctors were telling him I should be the one he should marry because I was there for him.
Long huh ….. we ended up as friends —- he was amazed at how I reacted with the situation and he said that I am very different from all the women he has dated. Now that is past I have moved on and realized he is not the one for me. I am about to get married in a week to John the man that God blessed me with. I thank God for this experience which made me a better woman and prepared me for my upcoming married life.
Thanks Br. Bo ….. Take Care and God Bless :):):)
hello bo..
Dont know how to start, But I do hope though I know lot of comments u receive still u have enough time to read mine..And maybe I need some advices to enlighten my burden..( if ever)..
I belong to a poor family..But I know being poor is not the hindrance to achieve our own goal in life..
I had an ambition to work in USA, that was my greatest dream..
And I did my best to pursue that dreams through the expense of other people..In other words, marry a foreigner or a citizenship in USA and I thought I can do it without LOVE..But I was wrong cause its not that easy to be involve with someone with no feelings..
I started to seek man in site, I did register in diff kind of site in net..I talked lot of them..But its hard for me to find, though I have an ambition but Im picky too in choosing them..I have to be careful of course..
Until I met someone,his an american man.. I like him so much esp. the way he talked seems really a proffesional one and smart guy, but his kinda strict and kinda selfish..But I really do like him..I used to talk to him everyday when he arrived from work..And I think everytime I talked to him and saw his face on cam it would completed my day..His single 39 years old and no kids..His working at the oil company in Texas..
But my aunties doesnt like him..They always said things about him that should made me discouraged..
Then one time, I felt bored cause the man I used to talk was at work..I tried seeking friends in site, just to talked to..
Then I found a guy his from USA too, his 45 and divorced..His really an opposite of the guy I really like..My aunties like him a lot..His kind..and too good to be true..That was in cam and the way he talked I could sense..I didnt meet him yet in person but soon end of this month..
But for me his just a friend..but he courted me..Then I told him that I have to think about it, but I didnt told him that I found already someone whom I almost falling in..I just gave him a chance its because of my aunties..
Time slip away, too fast my feelings of that man I really like was really developed into love,(not sure yet) til I said to myself:Ouch! maybe I was fool, cause I think am inlove with somebody I just knew and met in computer..I will miss him if I couldnt talk to him everyday..(called it weird but its true)
Until the time came that he finally goin down here in PINAS,, I am so happy, so grateful…(sa wakas he will be mine)silly..
I knew that he didnt really like to come here in Philippines cause he hates the long hours of plane treavel, but then he did it for me..(I felt special!hehe..emote) cause we had a plan that he will file petition paper for me..Thanks to God!
But when he came back last month to his place..
Disaster! ( cause he walked going home carrying his one leg)hehe..joke lang po..
His house was messed by the hurricane IKE which is made him homeless..and made our plan postpone cause he told me that he dont know yet when the time he will filed visa for me..which is made me really really really sad ..(pail of tears..hehe)
His stayed with his friends house..and he seldom communicate to me esp his busy of his work too..
I am sad and scared that those promises are made to be broken..I miss him a lot cause I used to talked to him everyday before his house mess..
One of my friend told me that why he couldnt file, cause if he had feelings on me he will exert extra effort to start the papers on..but I told my friend that his busy and I cant wait.
But I dont know when to wait then..( I am really a fool, I become so blind, i dont know)
And these guy the divorced one was still very interested of me..i told him that I have already a bf but not foreigner, a filipino one..But still he really wanted to see me after all as a friends but I could sense that deep inside his hoping that his my first chioces cause he know my ambition to work in USA..I didnt told him the truth that my bf was a foreigner
cause I dont want to hurt him which is wrong (cause the truth will set us free)
Then lot of my friends gave a piece of advice that those guy Im falling in love but dont know if its TL, was seems so high to reach on, his standard, his way of his life..
.
Then there he is the divorced one, so kind,so understanding and willing to help me..But the question is I dont have feelings on him..
Its hard to live to someone and give myself with no feelings involve..( my God! help me..
Thats why I am confused, i dont know what to do..
But his still coming to see me then..
I hope I would be enlighten of this kind of delimma…But I know its just one of my trials to measure my FAITH..
Yeah! I am a God fearing and my mama is a religious one, my grandfa at 82 years old now, still alive but still reading in the BIBLE..
But I need someone too who can give me good advices..please..
I really need..my head was aching too much thinking about this situation..( such a crap)..
Please..
Thank you Bo
I really like all of ur article one of my inspiration esp when I am down..
GODBLESS
hello bo..
Dont know how to start, But I do hope though I know lot of comments u receive still u have enough time to read mine..And maybe I need some advices to enlighten my burden..( if ever)..
I belong to a poor family..But I know being poor is not the hindrance to achieve our own goal in life..
I had an ambition to work in USA, that was my greatest dream..
And I did my best to pursue that dreams through the expense of other people..In other words, marry a foreigner or a citizenship in USA and I thought I can do it without LOVE..But I was wrong cause its not that easy to be involve with someone with no feelings..
I started to seek man in site, I did register in diff kind of site in net..I talked lot of them..But its hard for me to find, though I have an ambition but Im picky too in choosing them..I have to be careful of course..
Until I met someone,his an american man.. I like him so much esp. the way he talked seems really a proffesional one and smart guy, but his kinda strict and kinda selfish..But I really do like him..I used to talk to him everyday when he arrived from work..And I think everytime I talked to him and saw his face on cam it would completed my day..His single 39 years old and no kids..His working at the oil company in Texas..
But my aunties doesnt like him..They always said things about him that should made me discouraged..
Then one time, I felt bored cause the man I used to talk was at work..I tried seeking friends in site, just to talked to..
Then I found a guy his from USA too, his 45 and divorced..His really an opposite of the guy I really like..My aunties like him a lot..His kind..and too good to be true..That was in cam and the way he talked I could sense..I didnt meet him yet in person but soon end of this month..
But for me his just a friend..but he courted me..Then I told him that I have to think about it, but I didnt told him that I found already someone whom I almost falling in..I just gave him a chance its because of my aunties..
Time slip away, too fast my feelings of that man I really like was really developed into love,(not sure yet) til I said to myself:Ouch! maybe I was fool, cause I think am inlove with somebody I just knew and met in computer..I will miss him if I couldnt talk to him everyday..(called it weird but its true)
Until the time came that he finally goin down here in PINAS,, I am so happy, so grateful…(sa wakas he will be mine)silly..
I knew that he didnt really like to come here in Philippines cause he hates the long hours of plane treavel, but then he did it for me..(I felt special!hehe..emote) cause we had a plan that he will file petition paper for me..Thanks to God!
But when he came back last month to his place..
Disaster! ( cause he walked going home carrying his one leg)hehe..joke lang po..
His house was messed by the hurricane IKE which is made him homeless..and made our plan postpone cause he told me that he dont know yet when the time he will filed visa for me..which is made me really really really sad ..(pail of tears..hehe)
His stayed with his friends house..and he seldom communicate to me esp his busy of his work too..
I am sad and scared that those promises are made to be broken..I miss him a lot cause I used to talked to him everyday before his house mess..
One of my friend told me that why he couldnt file, cause if he had feelings on me he will exert extra effort to start the papers on..but I told my friend that his busy and I cant wait.
But I dont know when to wait then..( I am really a fool, I become so blind, i dont know)
And these guy the divorced one was still very interested of me..i told him that I have already a bf but not foreigner, a filipino one..But still he really wanted to see me after all as a friends but I could sense that deep inside his hoping that his my first chioces cause he know my ambition to work in USA..I didnt told him the truth that my bf was a foreigner
cause I dont want to hurt him which is wrong (cause the truth will set us free)
Then lot of my friends gave a piece of advice that those guy Im falling in love but dont know if its TL, was seems so high to reach on, his standard, his way of his life..
.
Then there he is the divorced one, so kind,so understanding and willing to help me..But the question is I dont have feelings on him..
Its hard to live to someone and give myself with no feelings involve..( my God! help me..
Thats why I am confused, i dont know what to do..
But his still coming to see me then..
I hope I would be enlighten of this kind of delimma…But I know its just one of my trials to measure my FAITH..
Yeah! I am a God fearing and my mama is a religious one, my grandfa at 82 years old now, still alive but still reading in the BIBLE..
But I need someone too who can give me good advices..please..
I really need..my head was aching too much thinking about this situation..( such a crap)..
Please..
Thank you Bo
I really like all of ur article one of my inspiration esp when I am down..
GODBLESS
hello bo..
Dont know how to start, But I do hope though I know lot of comments u receive still u have enough time to read mine..And maybe I need some advices to enlighten my burden..( if ever)..
I belong to a poor family..But I know being poor is not the hindrance to achieve our own goal in life..
I had an ambition to work in USA, that was my greatest dream..
And I did my best to pursue that dreams through the expense of other people..In other words, marry a foreigner or a citizenship in USA and I thought I can do it without LOVE..But I was wrong cause its not that easy to be involve with someone with no feelings..
I started to seek man in site, I did register in diff kind of site in net..I talked lot of them..But its hard for me to find, though I have an ambition but Im picky too in choosing them..I have to be careful of course..
Until I met someone,his an american man.. I like him so much esp. the way he talked seems really a proffesional one and smart guy, but his kinda strict and kinda selfish..But I really do like him..I used to talk to him everyday when he arrived from work..And I think everytime I talked to him and saw his face on cam it would completed my day..His single 39 years old and no kids..His working at the oil company in Texas..
But my aunties doesnt like him..They always said things about him that should made me discouraged..
Then one time, I felt bored cause the man I used to talk was at work..I tried seeking friends in site, just to talked to..
Then I found a guy his from USA too, his 45 and divorced..His really an opposite of the guy I really like..My aunties like him a lot..His kind..and too good to be true..That was in cam and the way he talked I could sense..I didnt meet him yet in person but soon end of this month..
But for me his just a friend..but he courted me..Then I told him that I have to think about it, but I didnt told him that I found already someone whom I almost falling in..I just gave him a chance its because of my aunties..
Time slip away, too fast my feelings of that man I really like was really developed into love,(not sure yet) til I said to myself:Ouch! maybe I was fool, cause I think am inlove with somebody I just knew and met in computer..I will miss him if I couldnt talk to him everyday..(called it weird but its true)
Until the time came that he finally goin down here in PINAS,, I am so happy, so grateful…(sa wakas he will be mine)silly..
I knew that he didnt really like to come here in Philippines cause he hates the long hours of plane treavel, but then he did it for me..(I felt special!hehe..emote) cause we had a plan that he will file petition paper for me..Thanks to God!
But when he came back last month to his place..
Disaster! ( cause he walked going home carrying his one leg)hehe..joke lang po..
His house was messed by the hurricane IKE which is made him homeless..and made our plan postpone cause he told me that he dont know yet when the time he will filed visa for me..which is made me really really really sad ..(pail of tears..hehe)
His stayed with his friends house..and he seldom communicate to me esp his busy of his work too..
I am sad and scared that those promises are made to be broken..I miss him a lot cause I used to talked to him everyday before his house mess..
One of my friend told me that why he couldnt file, cause if he had feelings on me he will exert extra effort to start the papers on..but I told my friend that his busy and I cant wait.
But I dont know when to wait then..( I am really a fool, I become so blind, i dont know)
And these guy the divorced one was still very interested of me..i told him that I have already a bf but not foreigner, a filipino one..But still he really wanted to see me after all as a friends but I could sense that deep inside his hoping that his my first chioces cause he know my ambition to work in USA..I didnt told him the truth that my bf was a foreigner
cause I dont want to hurt him which is wrong (cause the truth will set us free)
Then lot of my friends gave a piece of advice that those guy Im falling in love but dont know if its TL, was seems so high to reach on, his standard, his way of his life..
.
Then there he is the divorced one, so kind,so understanding and willing to help me..But the question is I dont have feelings on him..
Its hard to live to someone and give myself with no feelings involve..( my God! help me..
Thats why I am confused, i dont know what to do..
But his still coming to see me then..
I hope I would be enlighten of this kind of delimma…But I know its just one of my trials to measure my FAITH..
Yeah! I am a God fearing and my mama is a religious one, my grandfa at 82 years old now, still alive but still reading in the BIBLE..
But I need someone too who can give me good advices..please..
I really need..my head was aching too much thinking about this situation..( such a crap)..
Please..
Thank you Bo
I really like all of ur article one of my inspiration esp when I am down..
GODBLESS
hello bo..
Dont know how to start, But I do hope though I know lot of comments u receive still u have enough time to read mine..And maybe I need some advices to enlighten my burden..( if ever)..
I belong to a poor family..But I know being poor is not the hindrance to achieve our own goal in life..
I had an ambition to work in USA, that was my greatest dream..
And I did my best to pursue that dreams through the expense of other people..In other words, marry a foreigner or a citizenship in USA and I thought I can do it without LOVE..But I was wrong cause its not that easy to be involve with someone with no feelings..
I started to seek man in site, I did register in diff kind of site in net..I talked lot of them..But its hard for me to find, though I have an ambition but Im picky too in choosing them..I have to be careful of course..
Until I met someone,his an american man.. I like him so much esp. the way he talked seems really a proffesional one and smart guy, but his kinda strict and kinda selfish..But I really do like him..I used to talk to him everyday when he arrived from work..And I think everytime I talked to him and saw his face on cam it would completed my day..His single 39 years old and no kids..His working at the oil company in Texas..
But my aunties doesnt like him..They always said things about him that should made me discouraged..
Then one time, I felt bored cause the man I used to talk was at work..I tried seeking friends in site, just to talked to..
Then I found a guy his from USA too, his 45 and divorced..His really an opposite of the guy I really like..My aunties like him a lot..His kind..and too good to be true..That was in cam and the way he talked I could sense..I didnt meet him yet in person but soon end of this month..
But for me his just a friend..but he courted me..Then I told him that I have to think about it, but I didnt told him that I found already someone whom I almost falling in..I just gave him a chance its because of my aunties..
Time slip away, too fast my feelings of that man I really like was really developed into love,(not sure yet) til I said to myself:Ouch! maybe I was fool, cause I think am inlove with somebody I just knew and met in computer..I will miss him if I couldnt talk to him everyday..(called it weird but its true)
Until the time came that he finally goin down here in PINAS,, I am so happy, so grateful…(sa wakas he will be mine)silly..
I knew that he didnt really like to come here in Philippines cause he hates the long hours of plane treavel, but then he did it for me..(I felt special!hehe..emote) cause we had a plan that he will file petition paper for me..Thanks to God!
But when he came back last month to his place..
Disaster! ( cause he walked going home carrying his one leg)hehe..joke lang po..
His house was messed by the hurricane IKE which is made him homeless..and made our plan postpone cause he told me that he dont know yet when the time he will filed visa for me..which is made me really really really sad ..(pail of tears..hehe)
His stayed with his friends house..and he seldom communicate to me esp his busy of his work too..
I am sad and scared that those promises are made to be broken..I miss him a lot cause I used to talked to him everyday before his house mess..
One of my friend told me that why he couldnt file, cause if he had feelings on me he will exert extra effort to start the papers on..but I told my friend that his busy and I cant wait.
But I dont know when to wait then..( I am really a fool, I become so blind, i dont know)
And these guy the divorced one was still very interested of me..i told him that I have already a bf but not foreigner, a filipino one..But still he really wanted to see me after all as a friends but I could sense that deep inside his hoping that his my first chioces cause he know my ambition to work in USA..I didnt told him the truth that my bf was a foreigner
cause I dont want to hurt him which is wrong (cause the truth will set us free)
Then lot of my friends gave a piece of advice that those guy Im falling in love but dont know if its TL, was seems so high to reach on, his standard, his way of his life..
.
Then there he is the divorced one, so kind,so understanding and willing to help me..But the question is I dont have feelings on him..
Its hard to live to someone and give myself with no feelings involve..( my God! help me..
Thats why I am confused, i dont know what to do..
But his still coming to see me then..
I hope I would be enlighten of this kind of delimma…But I know its just one of my trials to measure my FAITH..
Yeah! I am a God fearing and my mama is a religious one, my grandfa at 82 years old now, still alive but still reading in the BIBLE..
But I need someone too who can give me good advices..please..
I really need..my head was aching too much thinking about this situation..( such a crap)..
Please..
Thank you Bo
I really like all of ur article one of my inspiration esp when I am down..
GODBLESS
hello bo..
Dont know how to start, But I do hope though I know lot of comments u receive still u have enough time to read mine..And maybe I need some advices to enlighten my burden..( if ever)..
I belong to a poor family..But I know being poor is not the hindrance to achieve our own goal in life..
I had an ambition to work in USA, that was my greatest dream..
And I did my best to pursue that dreams through the expense of other people..In other words, marry a foreigner or a citizenship in USA and I thought I can do it without LOVE..But I was wrong cause its not that easy to be involve with someone with no feelings..
I started to seek man in site, I did register in diff kind of site in net..I talked lot of them..But its hard for me to find, though I have an ambition but Im picky too in choosing them..I have to be careful of course..
Until I met someone,his an american man.. I like him so much esp. the way he talked seems really a proffesional one and smart guy, but his kinda strict and kinda selfish..But I really do like him..I used to talk to him everyday when he arrived from work..And I think everytime I talked to him and saw his face on cam it would completed my day..His single 39 years old and no kids..His working at the oil company in Texas..
But my aunties doesnt like him..They always said things about him that should made me discouraged..
Then one time, I felt bored cause the man I used to talk was at work..I tried seeking friends in site, just to talked to..
Then I found a guy his from USA too, his 45 and divorced..His really an opposite of the guy I really like..My aunties like him a lot..His kind..and too good to be true..That was in cam and the way he talked I could sense..I didnt meet him yet in person but soon end of this month..
But for me his just a friend..but he courted me..Then I told him that I have to think about it, but I didnt told him that I found already someone whom I almost falling in..I just gave him a chance its because of my aunties..
Time slip away, too fast my feelings of that man I really like was really developed into love,(not sure yet) til I said to myself:Ouch! maybe I was fool, cause I think am inlove with somebody I just knew and met in computer..I will miss him if I couldnt talk to him everyday..(called it weird but its true)
Until the time came that he finally goin down here in PINAS,, I am so happy, so grateful…(sa wakas he will be mine)silly..
I knew that he didnt really like to come here in Philippines cause he hates the long hours of plane treavel, but then he did it for me..(I felt special!hehe..emote) cause we had a plan that he will file petition paper for me..Thanks to God!
But when he came back last month to his place..
Disaster! ( cause he walked going home carrying his one leg)hehe..joke lang po..
His house was messed by the hurricane IKE which is made him homeless..and made our plan postpone cause he told me that he dont know yet when the time he will filed visa for me..which is made me really really really sad ..(pail of tears..hehe)
His stayed with his friends house..and he seldom communicate to me esp his busy of his work too..
I am sad and scared that those promises are made to be broken..I miss him a lot cause I used to talked to him everyday before his house mess..
One of my friend told me that why he couldnt file, cause if he had feelings on me he will exert extra effort to start the papers on..but I told my friend that his busy and I cant wait.
But I dont know when to wait then..( I am really a fool, I become so blind, i dont know)
And these guy the divorced one was still very interested of me..i told him that I have already a bf but not foreigner, a filipino one..But still he really wanted to see me after all as a friends but I could sense that deep inside his hoping that his my first chioces cause he know my ambition to work in USA..I didnt told him the truth that my bf was a foreigner
cause I dont want to hurt him which is wrong (cause the truth will set us free)
Then lot of my friends gave a piece of advice that those guy Im falling in love but dont know if its TL, was seems so high to reach on, his standard, his way of his life..
.
Then there he is the divorced one, so kind,so understanding and willing to help me..But the question is I dont have feelings on him..
Its hard to live to someone and give myself with no feelings involve..( my God! help me..
Thats why I am confused, i dont know what to do..
But his still coming to see me then..
I hope I would be enlighten of this kind of delimma…But I know its just one of my trials to measure my FAITH..
Yeah! I am a God fearing and my mama is a religious one, my grandfa at 82 years old now, still alive but still reading in the BIBLE..
But I need someone too who can give me good advices..please..
I really need..my head was aching too much thinking about this situation..( such a crap)..
Please..
Thank you Bo
I really like all of ur article one of my inspiration esp when I am down..
GODBLESS
hello bo..
Dont know how to start, But I do hope though I know lot of comments u receive still u have enough time to read mine..And maybe I need some advices to enlighten my burden..( if ever)..
I belong to a poor family..But I know being poor is not the hindrance to achieve our own goal in life..
I had an ambition to work in USA, that was my greatest dream..
And I did my best to pursue that dreams through the expense of other people..In other words, marry a foreigner or a citizenship in USA and I thought I can do it without LOVE..But I was wrong cause its not that easy to be involve with someone with no feelings..
I started to seek man in site, I did register in diff kind of site in net..I talked lot of them..But its hard for me to find, though I have an ambition but Im picky too in choosing them..I have to be careful of course..
Until I met someone,his an american man.. I like him so much esp. the way he talked seems really a proffesional one and smart guy, but his kinda strict and kinda selfish..But I really do like him..I used to talk to him everyday when he arrived from work..And I think everytime I talked to him and saw his face on cam it would completed my day..His single 39 years old and no kids..His working at the oil company in Texas..
But my aunties doesnt like him..They always said things about him that should made me discouraged..
Then one time, I felt bored cause the man I used to talk was at work..I tried seeking friends in site, just to talked to..
Then I found a guy his from USA too, his 45 and divorced..His really an opposite of the guy I really like..My aunties like him a lot..His kind..and too good to be true..That was in cam and the way he talked I could sense..I didnt meet him yet in person but soon end of this month..
But for me his just a friend..but he courted me..Then I told him that I have to think about it, but I didnt told him that I found already someone whom I almost falling in..I just gave him a chance its because of my aunties..
Time slip away, too fast my feelings of that man I really like was really developed into love,(not sure yet) til I said to myself:Ouch! maybe I was fool, cause I think am inlove with somebody I just knew and met in computer..I will miss him if I couldnt talk to him everyday..(called it weird but its true)
Until the time came that he finally goin down here in PINAS,, I am so happy, so grateful…(sa wakas he will be mine)silly..
I knew that he didnt really like to come here in Philippines cause he hates the long hours of plane treavel, but then he did it for me..(I felt special!hehe..emote) cause we had a plan that he will file petition paper for me..Thanks to God!
But when he came back last month to his place..
Disaster! ( cause he walked going home carrying his one leg)hehe..joke lang po..
His house was messed by the hurricane IKE which is made him homeless..and made our plan postpone cause he told me that he dont know yet when the time he will filed visa for me..which is made me really really really sad ..(pail of tears..hehe)
His stayed with his friends house..and he seldom communicate to me esp his busy of his work too..
I am sad and scared that those promises are made to be broken..I miss him a lot cause I used to talked to him everyday before his house mess..
One of my friend told me that why he couldnt file, cause if he had feelings on me he will exert extra effort to start the papers on..but I told my friend that his busy and I cant wait.
But I dont know when to wait then..( I am really a fool, I become so blind, i dont know)
And these guy the divorced one was still very interested of me..i told him that I have already a bf but not foreigner, a filipino one..But still he really wanted to see me after all as a friends but I could sense that deep inside his hoping that his my first chioces cause he know my ambition to work in USA..I didnt told him the truth that my bf was a foreigner
cause I dont want to hurt him which is wrong (cause the truth will set us free)
Then lot of my friends gave a piece of advice that those guy Im falling in love but dont know if its TL, was seems so high to reach on, his standard, his way of his life..
.
Then there he is the divorced one, so kind,so understanding and willing to help me..But the question is I dont have feelings on him..
Its hard to live to someone and give myself with no feelings involve..( my God! help me..
Thats why I am confused, i dont know what to do..
But his still coming to see me then..
I hope I would be enlighten of this kind of delimma…But I know its just one of my trials to measure my FAITH..
Yeah! I am a God fearing and my mama is a religious one, my grandfa at 82 years old now, still alive but still reading in the BIBLE..
But I need someone too who can give me good advices..please..
I really need..my head was aching too much thinking about this situation..( such a crap)..
Please..
Thank you Bo
I really like all of ur article one of my inspiration esp when I am down..
GODBLESS
hello bo..
Dont know how to start, But I do hope though I know lot of comments u receive still u have enough time to read mine..And maybe I need some advices to enlighten my burden..( if ever)..
I belong to a poor family..But I know being poor is not the hindrance to achieve our own goal in life..
I had an ambition to work in USA, that was my greatest dream..
And I did my best to pursue that dreams through the expense of other people..In other words, marry a foreigner or a citizenship in USA and I thought I can do it without LOVE..But I was wrong cause its not that easy to be involve with someone with no feelings..
I started to seek man in site, I did register in diff kind of site in net..I talked lot of them..But its hard for me to find, though I have an ambition but Im picky too in choosing them..I have to be careful of course..
Until I met someone,his an american man.. I like him so much esp. the way he talked seems really a proffesional one and smart guy, but his kinda strict and kinda selfish..But I really do like him..I used to talk to him everyday when he arrived from work..And I think everytime I talked to him and saw his face on cam it would completed my day..His single 39 years old and no kids..His working at the oil company in Texas..
But my aunties doesnt like him..They always said things about him that should made me discouraged..
Then one time, I felt bored cause the man I used to talk was at work..I tried seeking friends in site, just to talked to..
Then I found a guy his from USA too, his 45 and divorced..His really an opposite of the guy I really like..My aunties like him a lot..His kind..and too good to be true..That was in cam and the way he talked I could sense..I didnt meet him yet in person but soon end of this month..
But for me his just a friend..but he courted me..Then I told him that I have to think about it, but I didnt told him that I found already someone whom I almost falling in..I just gave him a chance its because of my aunties..
Time slip away, too fast my feelings of that man I really like was really developed into love,(not sure yet) til I said to myself:Ouch! maybe I was fool, cause I think am inlove with somebody I just knew and met in computer..I will miss him if I couldnt talk to him everyday..(called it weird but its true)
Until the time came that he finally goin down here in PINAS,, I am so happy, so grateful…(sa wakas he will be mine)silly..
I knew that he didnt really like to come here in Philippines cause he hates the long hours of plane treavel, but then he did it for me..(I felt special!hehe..emote) cause we had a plan that he will file petition paper for me..Thanks to God!
But when he came back last month to his place..
Disaster! ( cause he walked going home carrying his one leg)hehe..joke lang po..
His house was messed by the hurricane IKE which is made him homeless..and made our plan postpone cause he told me that he dont know yet when the time he will filed visa for me..which is made me really really really sad ..(pail of tears..hehe)
His stayed with his friends house..and he seldom communicate to me esp his busy of his work too..
I am sad and scared that those promises are made to be broken..I miss him a lot cause I used to talked to him everyday before his house mess..
One of my friend told me that why he couldnt file, cause if he had feelings on me he will exert extra effort to start the papers on..but I told my friend that his busy and I cant wait.
But I dont know when to wait then..( I am really a fool, I become so blind, i dont know)
And these guy the divorced one was still very interested of me..i told him that I have already a bf but not foreigner, a filipino one..But still he really wanted to see me after all as a friends but I could sense that deep inside his hoping that his my first chioces cause he know my ambition to work in USA..I didnt told him the truth that my bf was a foreigner
cause I dont want to hurt him which is wrong (cause the truth will set us free)
Then lot of my friends gave a piece of advice that those guy Im falling in love but dont know if its TL, was seems so high to reach on, his standard, his way of his life..
.
Then there he is the divorced one, so kind,so understanding and willing to help me..But the question is I dont have feelings on him..
Its hard to live to someone and give myself with no feelings involve..( my God! help me..
Thats why I am confused, i dont know what to do..
But his still coming to see me then..
I hope I would be enlighten of this kind of delimma…But I know its just one of my trials to measure my FAITH..
Yeah! I am a God fearing and my mama is a religious one, my grandfa at 82 years old now, still alive and still reading in the BIBLE..
But I need someone too who can give me good advices..please..
I really need..my head was aching too much thinking about this situation..( such a crap)..
Please..
Thank you Bo
I really like all of ur article one of my inspiration esp when I am down..
GODBLESS
i rly learned alot frm the posts above. as i was reading them,i started to reflect and tried my best to be really honest with myself.. am i in a bad relationship?
facts:
-i hv a bf of so many years.few yrs ago we brokeup bec he suddenly turned cold towards me–then he confessed that he’s falling in love with a new girl.
-i was hurt..but i love him so much to let him go that easily.after a few months,we got back together.no further discussion of what the heck happened why we broke up.i just forgave him and did my best to love him even more.move on and leave the past behind (wer all pasts should be)
-FLASHBACK:during the breakup,i realized so many things about myself.i also found out what great friends i have.in fact,i took notice of this one guy friend of mine who’s always been around me.during my lowest time,he was by my side that time.sending me inspirational msgs,keeping me company,watching over me.that point,i saw,maybe out of my depression,that he could be the one.until he advised me to search my heart–if i still love my bf,then i should not give up..
-FASTFORWARD:now,as i’ve mentioned,im back with my bf.he is a great guy.with tall dreams and good background.he will really make a great father.but the qualities of the friend in the flashback is even more.now,i started comparing them.im not actually in a bad relationship.but i started to imagine ‘what might have beens’ with the friend and those imaginations would be far better than my reality with my bf now.wait,let me justify,im not daydreaming.i felt that the friend has feelings for me too.its just that he could not vocalize it because he knows im in a relationship.and for sure he does not want us repeating history (doing what my bf did to me).
so this brings me back to the question,am i in a bad relationship?
or im in a good one who’s just wanting something better?
perhaps,the quote ‘to desire is better than to have’ holds some truth here.
Bro. Bo after reading all these inspiring stories..I’m compelled to clear my doubts..???
Can anyone answer my question pls!
After a failed marriage and “bad” relationships I finally find someone whom I think may become my true love (that is if God will allow me)..
I’m a Roman Catholic and trying to lead a real Christian life (but it’s really tough huh!). Can I still get a blessed marriage without feeling guilty of the previous marriage (annulment in court is on process).
In other words, I am allowed to marry again with or without church annulment..as far as I’m concern it’s not allowed. I want to decide as early as possible either to keep the new relationship or let him find another one and be happy.
thanks! a lot..
Dear Bro. Bo,
19 months ago, I was freed from a sinful relationship…. 21 1/2 years! I was asked by Sis. Neh Hormillosa to write an article for an RCW journal last year. It’s 1 1/2 pages long and was published. I wish to share that article with you. How do I send the article?
Did I say 21 1/2 years? Yes siree. I was blinder than a bat. I cannot let go because I was holding on to the promise of marriage which, obviously, never came. Even with blinding evidence of betrayal, I still refused to believe that he could do what he did. The last five year leg were events that I later saw to be God’s hands working. I got a job abroad. I was so homesick that I resorted to deep meditation and prayer. In one of those times, I was meditating on my favorite psalm, psalm 23. When I got to the part “… He anoints my head with oil.” I literally felt God’s hand on my head. I cried buckets and God seemed to have said, “I am a jealous God. That’s why I took you away from your comfort & success so I can have you for Myself.” That was just one of the many events, ala epiphany, that led me to think — God is calling me back…. Another time, in prayer, i had the insight that I am in a love triangle. God is in the triangle and He is just in the background waiting for me. He is just watching over me and making me safe and loved. My God was waiting for me!
Upon returning to the Philippines, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I used to say, just betray me once and that’s it! But this one took me 3 1/2 years. Break-up, make -up, berak-up, make up. I will break up with him, he comes back, I melt, I take him back, I catch him again, I break up, he comes back, I take him back…. you get the picture.
Then, one day, I received text messages about his affair, the schedules, where they go…. I decided, I will end this and end it with a bang! I had him sleuthed, got the evidence and for the last time broke up now determined never to reconcile. It was ugly, painful, and dark.
I took refuge in the Lord. I wrote so many things in “My Companion” it can be compiled into a book ala “Conversations with God.” It seems that every reading for the day was speaking to me. It was just what I needed. 19 months later, I am here, strong, happy…. grateful that I did what I did. All these but not without lessons (not in sequence though but here they are):
> I saw that I did not know how to forgive. I also learned how pain felt (but till now, I don’t have words to describe it0
> A friend shared with me Matt 15 the following day and I realized God really was waiting for me
> I learned that I can be so ugly and beautiful at the same time and God still takes me as I am
> I realized that God will never give up on those He loves. He will do everything to take those He loves back to him
> I was so self-righteous. My behavior was so judgemental. I needed everyone to be wrong so I can be right
> I was spiritually proud being part of a catholic charismatic community before I fell into sin that I needed a strong jolt to see that. I judged women of “ill-repute” then I became one
> I became more understanding of people. I saw my demeanor changing. I became less stressed, no longer needing to prove myself to anyone because I have learned to accept myself…. God accepted me
> I realized what Jesus meant “forgive them, they know not what they do”
I want to be able to help women get out where I used to be, to help others from falling into where I have fallen. Years back, I prayed that God teach me humility. I’ve had humility lessons one after another but this one’s the biggest. And after all of these, I have decided and have chosen. It’s no longer a question of getting back to that old relationship or not, but if I should leave my God or not. … I am not about too. I am committed to stay this time.
Hi Bro Bo,
I think I havent found my One True Love yet?…but there’s someone I am hoping for (pede bang ganun yun?)…Im 27 years old and still single. I happen to like someone in the charismatic community I am attending but it seems like there’s not a visible gesture from him of the mutual feeling ( sad, sad, sad) or at times I assume that some of his gestures are so super duper special for me, pero di naman pala he’s just being a gentleman. After my break up with an unfaithful jerk 6 months ago, I came back from abroad and attended a charismatic community to which I met this guy I liked. Disappointed, I decided not to expect from him at all and I am really, really trying to focus on other things just not to give an open idea for a relationship…but its really, really hard!!!! urghhh! I dont want to feel that every guy I would be meeting, suddenly a “TING” will come into my subconscious mind presuming …”hmmm potential partner kaya ito?” haaayy…
yup, i agree with such topic minsan na din me naging bulag sa ganyan until now the pain is here. last year lang ng end ang lahat.. thanks for that wonderful sharing atleast alam ko tama desisyon ko. i’m not committing to any relationship at all.mas okey pa so far ang ganito. with my parents. my self fullfillment. keep it up brother BO. Your guiding me in many ways. SALAMAT PO!
i can’t wait.. i want to buy the book already.. the stories will inspire evrybody - that’s for sure!
Married to a womanizer, physical and emotional abuser!
That’s not me, that’s my mom.
As long as I can remember they always quarrel and the topic will always be other women and it often ends in my dad hitting my mom.
There was once this instance that I went home from Manila, I just passed the board exam. My mom met me in the port and I observed that she was thinner and very stress-out. I asked my mom what happen, then she burst into tears, she was sobbing, my dad was having an affair with someone close to the family, my aunt’s (mama’s sister) step daughter. She told me na matagal na nilang alam, they just don’t want to inform me because that might affect my performance sa board exam. I was really hurt not because I was blinded but because this event like this happens over and over and over again, I can feel the pain of my mom. I told her why is she keeping the relationship that is killing her and hurting us. She answered that she loves my dad and if there is anyone who’s hurt the most it is she. I replied telling her “that it hurt us more to see our mom hurts and we can’t do anything about it”. End of story, I failed to convince her, she was really blinded by her love.
Then came December 31, 2007, I went home to our town (by the way i worked in Mindanao and our province is in Visayas), my mom and dad was having a heated argument over 2 kgs of meat (sound childish, huh). Nakialam yong sis ko, in the gesture that my dad is about to hit my sister, she run. Hinabol xa ng dad ko, then pinigilan and dad ko ng mom ko. He kick my mom, my brother seeing this could no longer stand, he hit my dad and my dad fall. Then there was a rumble, all 5 of us, my mom and my sibling against our dad.
Wheewww… so chaotic…
Touch by his pride my dad threaten to kill my bro, I decided to bring my family away. We went to our aunt’s house and celebrated our New Year there. It was the start of something new. When they went back home, my father was already gone and I hope for good.
My mom finally decided to end a bad relationship which lasted for almost 25 years. She has no choice, her children decided it for her.
I can see now that my mom is happier, she looks more alive and enjoy her life more. I love my dad, I really do, I still communicate with him from time to time but I just can’t stand watching him hurting the most precious person in my life, my mom. Maybe they’re better apart.
I hope this story can be a reflection to those with the same situation. In a bad marriage it is really the kids who are affected the most.
May God be praised…
hi there…. it’s me again…. the young freshman student… And yes, i have a story to tell connected to having a bad relationship.
My ex-boyfriend (the one before my present) didn’t love me. Yup he didn’t. We became a couple just by introducing me as his gf. He was a transferee and one of my friends had a crush on him so she asked me to help her and be the bridge for the two of them. I did everything in order to get to know him. He was AWFUL. A cheater and all, but I (as a friend) accepted his flaws. A few months passed and we became closer and closer to eachother and I felt an attachment to him. Unfortunately, I fell in love once again to a guy that i know would NEVER like me back. There was this one time, (we weren’t together yet) I waited for him at 7-Eleven from 11 am to 4 pm because we were going to have a group study. I constantly texted him and called him. But he wasn’t answering my texts or the calls. He would reject the call. Basically, he came at 4pm or so then we went to my friend’s place for the group study. While we were at the jeepney he asked about my family and I told him that I grew up with my lola and lolo and aunts and uncles. After telling him that he told me that I was baduy and that I looked like a manang. Outside I was smiling but inside I was about to burst in tears. The guy I like just told me that I was baduy. When we arrived we studied for a bit and after 30 mins. he already left! How awful! I waited for hours and he’ll stay for only 30 mins.!
On October 2006, we had a talk. He told me we couldn’t be together because he still had a girlfriend and I thought he was starting to like me also. So, I waited. On December 22, 2006 he declared that I am his girlfriend. We became official. Since the first two weeks of the relationship was Christmas break, we only saw each other during Sundays when I would serve in the mass. When school was back I told my adviser and she was happy for me because I was happy.
Then there came the dreadful activity. Our teacher asked us to write down on a piece of paper who among our classmates would we like to date. Of course I wrote HIS name. He just came in from a badminton club meeting so he was one of those who passed his paper late. I was assigned to wrote the votes on the board and when they passed HIS paper. My heart sunk. The name written on the paper was his childhood friend’s name not mine. I got sick that same day. And my friend asked me ” ano? samahan na kita sa clinic?” But I would decline because I know it is my bf’s responcibility. On our way to the clinic he told me “bakit hindi mo sinabing ako pala nilagay mo? Eh di dapat ikaw ang sinulat ko.” I was heartbroken. I replied him “kailangan pa bang sabihin ko sa’yo yon? siyempre common sense na lang boyfriend kita!”
Another week passed and it was almost our monthsary. But three days before that (January 19, 2007) he talked to me with one of our classmates. And our classmate told me that he wants to break up with me. Our classmate explained and all but I left and went back to my seat, though I couldn’t help it so I cried and went outside the classroom where everyone saw me and my friends ran after me. The classmate who explained to me everything pulled me to the C.R. so we wouldn’t cause any commotion. One of my friend, after hearing my ex’s explanation wanted to run back inside the classroom and confront my ex. So, they asked why he broke up with me. And his answer was ” hindi ko naman talaga siya mahal eh”
It was one of the most devastating chapters in my life. The day of our supposed monthsary, our teacher gave a recitation and the question was ” paano mo masasabing bayani ka?” I ws the first to walk in front and answer. My answer was ” bayani ako dahil nalampasan ko ang isang problema sa pag-ibig”. My teacher replied to my answer and she said ” mas ok na na ganyan ka, wag ka nang babalik dun”. that was the beginning of me moving forward and living again. I focused on other things like Cadet Officer Training Course (training for Citizenship Advancement Training Cadet Officers) and strived to perform in school better.
And now I could say that it was his loss not mine. I’ve realized the greatness inside me that he doesn’t and will never deserve. How great I am and how strong I can be. I’m not baduy anymore (that’s a fact because I became muse for my section’s basketball team this year and my One True Love, my boyfriend, cheered me on) and I am also the president of our class. I excel in classes and I’m enjoying everything I do. I am happy. I found the love I’ve been longing for and I am happy with him. The good thing about it is he courted me and he loves me. We are happy right now and our relationship is going strong minute by minute.
For all that will read this, all I can say is that love comes along at the last expected times and places. We should never let ourselves be bound in a relationship that does not make us happy and wherein we are the only ones who give. A relationship should have a give and take basis. We shouldn’t fool ourselves in thinking we are happy but are emotionally and physically hurt. Or in a relationship that is immoral and is incorrect in the eyes of God. Brothers and sisters we must be happy but in the right way. A relationship is commitment and love combined. When a person TRULY loves us, they would respect us and trust us. May all of you be happy and spiritually healthy.
Thanks for everything Brother Bo!!!! you have guided me so much!!!
*God bless
Dear Bro. Bo:
Wow, when you were asking if we can share our relationships with a married man, a bum, a sexual,physical,emotional abuser, blah,blah,blah, I was dumbfounded. Because i have been to ALL OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS (Well, almost…)
Relationship with a Married Man (Adultery). - married men would be quite appropriate.
· Relationship with a Verbal Abuser. my ex-husband
· Relationship with an Emotional Abuser. my ex-husband (again!)
· Relationship with a Physical Abuser. - still my ex-husband(you’re already wondering what I saw with this jerk)
· Relationship with an Unfaithful Jerk. - a policeman
· Relationship with an Addict. - a FUBU (fucking buddy) and my ex-husband(really!)
· Relationship with a Gambler. - a fling
· Relationship with an Alcoholic. - one of the married men i’ve slept with
· Relationship with a Rage-aholic. - my ex-husband (boy, he is one total loser)
· Relationship with a Bum. - need I saw more? My ex-husband!
· Relationship with a Person who can’t commit. - an ex-boyfriend who got me pregnant
So, you might be wondering, with so many worthless relationships, how did I get out of it?
God fulfilled His promise to me. and I gave them all up in return.
God showed me many signs when I asked him if he wants me to have lasting relationship. He was like a fortune-teller, only he’s not telling me fortunes like a hocus-pocus lady in Quiapo. He fulfilled His promise to me that I will be able to finish school, find a wonderful husband to spend the rest of my life with, and a better, controlled life. I asked Him what does he wants from me in return, and He didn’t asked me something in return. But I know that being His faithful sheep is probably what He wants, but then again, he was never a demanding God. He is always the understanding Father to his brethen.
I’m three years HAPPILY married with my new husband, we have a wonderful son, a challenging but fulfulling career, and pleasant life. No worhtless relationships, no self-destructing moments. Just happy.
Hello Bro Bo! Have a nice day…..
May 2008 i got a boyfriend tru recommendation from cousin until now we keep in touch he was a member of AFP…June….. . But he has no idea i was having another guy . July i had relationship with a Married Man.(adultery). Bro Bo, i really dont have any idea that he was married. And has 2 children.We know by a friend..simply just in text. After 1 week of exchanging love notes we are lovers. After 2 weeks we met. And my God Bro Bo. I never expect that something will happen to us. It just simply happened. I got boyfriends before but i never gave the precious thing i have,,, pero huli na ang lahat. Nasa huli ang pagsisisi. I can’t say i love him that much because of our iloveyou’s. After that moment my friends told me how am i…did i regret..(yes I reaally did Bro Bo) but i said to her No i fine.
He told me “i will care our baby if magkabuntis ako”. He will come back. But he did not Promis anything.
Something changed. And i felt it. Hindi na siya nagtetext gaya nang dati..and when i compronted him..busy lang daw siya. Nasasaktan ako kasi pinagkatiwala ko yong pinakaiingat ingat ko…parang wala lang sa kanya. O talagang busy lang talaga siya? but again huli na ang lahat.
Time flies and the thruth prevailed i know that he was married but separated because a woman has another man also. Complicated Bro Bo noh? Doh. I am not alone with this situation. I pray and prayed na maaccept ko yong nangyari. I dont have an idea to see him to ask why he lied. My friend told me mismo siya hindi rin nya alam na may asawa yong bf ko. She ask sorry to me. Pero sinabi nya sa bf ko na “buntis” ako. Which is not true. Her intention was to let him bother about me. Sometimes he texted me how am I? How is the baby…i simply rePLY. OK LANG.
All i wanted is to stop the relationship. Tama ang ginawa ko Bro Bo. Which i really did.
But after that story another story came. I got a relationship with unfaithful Jerk. And the story goes.
Its started with a simply hi. He ask my number from my officemate. Pamangkin siya ng Landlady ko. Bro Bo he tried to courttext me but because of my past relatioship di ko siya sinagot, but instead telling him kung gusto mo talagang manligaw you have to do it in person. He did it. Our first date was knowing with each other. He was a bad Man. Bro Bo di siya nakapatay ng tao ha. But Bad in terms of Ladies. He has a baby boy now. Yong babae may asawa na , at yong bata nasa custody ng parent ng Babae.
He to me about past (which is think only a part of it just to make me believed that he has a good intention). His dream (to have a family). His goal ( which is to have a small business). He was a stupid guy(sabi niya). GUSTO nyang magbago. He ask me to believed him. Na sana hindi ako isa sa KARMA na dumating sa buhay niya. It made me think and think Bro Bo. Why should il be selfish to give him a chance na magbago. Im not a perfect one also. I think deserving naman siya. He cried pa nga Bro Bo when he mentioned one part of his past. Dahil ni minsan di nya binigyan nang halaga kahit mismong kapatid nya, in short wala siyang nagawang tama sa past nya. Sinagot ko xa Bro Bo. At naging kami na nga.
We set a date 2 weeks after naging kami. And that time may nangyari din sa amin. I dont know if i just feel na panakip butas siya. Because of my past. But i am really sure hindi ko pa talaga siya kilala. Pwede naman tlagang mag sinungaling siya just to let me believed, just to get what he really wanted.
Bro Bo he did things which hurt me a lot.. Kunting paalala lang na sana wag naman akong kalimutan. People aroung me telling me that he dont deserve. Dahil kilala nila ang bf ko. But i just observed him kung talagang patutunayan nya yong sinabi niya. He went to work at lalong nagkalayo kami. He is different na di gaya ng dati. Hindi naman ako nagkulang sa pagtx sa kanya. I think i am old enought to understand na simply lang. Siguro he is not worth it. Everytime na sasabihin ko sa kanya bakit di na siya nagtetext. Busy daw xa…reporting time…etc.,,,,,,,, It came to the point that i realized of breaking him. Isa lang masasabi ko. He never proved his intention. I maybe wrong of my judgment but i think enough na yong isang buwan knowing that he is not really worth. I dont have also any idea kung some part of it ako ang mali dahil di ko siya kinilala before giving my whole trust. Sabi nila ang bilis kung mapaniwala. Which i also regret.,,,,, Quiting is the best remedy. And their still someone meant for me. He never text me at all when i finally told him ” i dont have time with this kind of relationship…”
I REALLY WANTED TO BUY YOU BOOK. HOW TO FIND YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE.
Now my AFP boyfriend which i stop communicating for 2 months is still my boyfriend. But i lied to him. He is out of the blue kumbaga.
Bro Bo isa lang ang masasabi ko to those who are single and having a problem situation with me. Just be strong everyday you are not alone.. Know whats really different from good and bad. And choosing to do bad is your decision but remember and be ready to pay for it…. Kung nagkamali man tayo, asking total forgiveness and sin no more. Dont loose hope. Life is how we make it. Above all we owe what we’ve done naman diba? And may this short story will inspired them. I learned a lot. I was true to myself at alam kung sa pagkakamali na yon mas nakilala ko sarili ko. Before you give your trust be sure that he is worthy it. Know your limitation. And Thank that we survive all those ups and downs in life.
God Bless and More power….
Hello Ninong Bo!
It’s so true what you said that getting out of a bad relationship requires a healthy sense and love of self… or something to that effect.
I got my bite of the “rotten apple” (excuse me, for the term) about ten years ago. He was a brother of a close friend. He was cute and so good with words and I got hooked.
What’s so funny was that he was already dropping hints about his gallivanting but they all fell on deaf ears. All I focused on was how lucky I was to have such a gwapo boyfriend. I was so lost in the illusion that he loved me because he got attracted to me. How can someone as cute as him fall for someone like me? Yes, I know it reeks of pure insecurity and poor self-esteem.
The realization came when his mom was rushed to the hospital and I wanted to be with him just like any supportive girlfriend. I asked my friend about her brother’s schedule in looking after their mom so I could surprise him. Guess what she said, “Baka ikaw ang ma-surprise.”
It turned out I wasn’t the only one in his life back then. He has been juggling three of us! At least that was what I know.
That confirmed the nagging feeling in me. No wonder, in all the one year that we were on, we actually got together for only a total of two weeks or so! I gathered all my guts and broke up with him.
Good thing I was already in Community then and was at the height of getting to know Jesus personally. That really helped a lot in my recovery.
On my way home one night, the pain of breaking up got really overwhelming. I had to hold back my tears coz I was riding the bus. I just closed my eyes and prayed, “Jesus, please comfort me. I’m really hurting.” Guess what, I suddenly felt Jesus’ spirit enveloping me with his warmth and I was really comforted by His loving presence.
It took me a only a week to recover. Thanks to the strong moral support of friends and family and of course, of the only One faithful person in the whole wide world who made me realize what a beautiful and loving person I am. Jesus made me realize that I deserve to be respected as a woman and a humanbeing and to be loved with dignity, faithfulness and honesty. I deserve the best.
The four years of singlehood that followed the bad relationship was pure bliss. I got to know God more, became comfortable with myself and happy with the company of family and friends. I learned to love others more. And then, I met the loving person I deserved… and married.
i had a relationship with a girl since high school. yeah i had boyfriends in between. but that wasn’t because i wanted to change. it was only because i was bored.
it was last year that i finally decided to end it. after 15 years, i felt that i wanted to have a “normal” life, whatever that is. so i broke up with her. however, we were still hanging out. it was difficult to move on since i find comfort in familiiarity. yes i i tried to go out with guys, but none seemed to fit. i held on to her although i didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. but she was brushing me off. this really pained me. i called a girl friend so i’d have someone to vent my frustrations to. she said that she was out with her officemates. i insisted that i talk to her even for just 15 min. it was there where i met him. he was part of the design team of my friend.
he struck me as someone with a good heart. he respected my space for a while seeing me crying to my friend. he only came up to me when my friend asked him to cheer me up. he didn’t ask what was wrong. he cracked his first corny joke. it made me smile. it was only when i was comfortable enough that he started asking what was wrong. i told him what happened. he listened withough judging me.
to make the long story short. we became a couple. we were so elated that we met and got together effortlessly. but this did not last long. my boyfriend and i startd having issues about time. i did not spend much time with him because i didn’t want to hurt my exgirlfriend’s feelings and my parents did not want me going out late (they’re conservative). he plays lead guitar for a band. and they’d usually have saturday night gigs which i regularly fail to see.
days of arguements turned to weeks. we couldn’t take it. he couldn’t take it. he decided to leave. i wanted us to at least be friends. it was all or nothing for him. he cut off ties. and this pained me because i loved him. i never really knew how much i did until now. i was not sure how to handle this “normal” relationship since it has been more than 10 years since my last boyfriend.
now he’s gone. we tried to work things out but he feels so much at the losing end whenever i’d turn down his invitations to go out. he decided to move on. losing him pains me to the core. why is this so? we were together for barely 4 months. is it because he was my one true love and i let him go? should i try to get him back? but i still can’t meet his expections 100%. will i be condemned as an unloved single for life?
someone please help me i don’t know what to do. i’m scared that he might be the one sent for me and i let him go. how will i know?
Relationship with an Unfaithful Jerk and Person Who Can’t Commit.
After reading Bo’s article, I was englightened because I thought that, I was the only one who has the experiences as what his wife experienced. I thought it was the end of my life and of everything that I am.
I had a relationship with a man for 5 years that i thought would be the man I would end up in at the altar of God. He was kind, caring, loving, responsible and a good friend.
Started at college, I was madly in love at him. Until we both graduated and find work for our future. Not until in our 4th year in the relationship came by where were tested under heat of the water. We always fight and argue with small things because he was no longer committed on the things as we planned. He has plenty of excuses to make and the worst he was unfaithful.
Unfaithfulnes, Habitual Liar, User and Exploiter of what you have and what can you provide are the best adjectives that I could describe to this man. Of course, we broke up and had tried to patch up the relationship again. This happens 6 times already just because of my love for him. I was so broke, depressed, angry towards myself , hopeless and I even lost my self respect and sense of worth.
The pain has placed a stigma in my heart and had caused physically and emotionally drained. I had traumas and hallucinations for I could not accept the reality that had he cheated on me. After a couple of months of not seeing nor communicating with him, our roads had crossed again and I though he was really meant for me. So, we decided to give another a chance with our relationship. We planned for marriage for I believe that amidst the trials we’ve experienced.
He spoke to my family and had finally asked my hand for marriage. After the proposal, my family were waiting for the “pamanhikan” but suddenly after three days of his proposal, the guy lost his communication. When I called him at the office, his officemates wouldn’t give the phone to me nor even explaining me of what’s wrong.
During the scenario, I was also seeking for God’s enlightenment, if it’s really His will to accept this man whom he hurted me many times. But I was so blessed and very happy that God really saves me from a disastrous relationship as early as I could. I believe that God has felt and seen the pains and hurt that I’ve went through and would no longer allow me to undergo to the same ordeal again.
He has slowly by slowly making the paths clearer for me of where should I go. To take a break from those painful relationship and learn to value myself again.
I know, God will never leave me and would always there for me in these recovery stage.
hi, i was just wondering if you have advice for in-laws…i’ve been married to my husband for 12 up-down-and -all-around years, and still my mother-in- law still get into my nerves…i don’t undertsand if she hates me or she is still frustrated that i married her son
please could you give me a piece of your mind, bro bo…tnx
hi bo..i just wanted to ask for an advice on what can i do with my relationship of 4years to my bf..
actually i already had a daughter with my ex during college days..i went out of the relationship because i feel that i dont have a future on him..anyway..after some years when i started working and one time my friend ask me to go out..there where i met my recent bf..he is nice responsible can accept me for who i am and accept my daughter and even introduce us to his family..his family knew about my daughter and somehow they accepted it..now we already have a baby..pero ang d ko maintindihan s kanya e he can’t maary me..he left for work abroad when im still pregnant..sabi nya kasi d p daw cya ready..hindi ko cya maintindihan kc he keep telling me he loves me but cant commit for good?sb nya gusto nya ready cya and ung masuportahan kme financial..pero baket nya ginawa un kung d p pla cya ready?i told him i’m willing to take all the risk just for our relationship..
for now i just let him what he wants to do..hindi ko na iniinsist to marry me..even his family kasi sabi na hayaan ko daw muna cya..minsan naiisip ko lumayo na lng together with my kids kasi d ko alam ano mangyayari sa amin..i just want emotional security if he really loves me..d ko cya tlga maintindihan..that’s why i need an advice..can u help me?or makisama n lng ako sa gusto nya at ng family nya?
hi brother bo
it was 7 years back since me and my 1st boyfriend parted.. and for 7 yrs..nah make it more than that… i still cant take him off my mind. it is abnormal, or perhaps i’m being abnormal. on average, any sane and lucid person would not take it that far.. my… im getting old! Anyway, perhaps i’m just one of those few who are downright romantic and foolishly loyal.
the relationship that we have had was something that perhaps made me emotionally cripple. i was emotionally abused and in most situations, he kept me there hanging. he makes no move to console me. there were times that he would not communicate with me, and that would go on for a month… no word from him. when he comesback and i would ask some explanation, he would not want to explain. at one time, i recalled when i was so hurt by his coldness, i throw him a lot of expletives just so to get even with him, cause i feel so frustrated, out of self pity i even begged him to defend himself… but he never did. seems like this has become a routine for us. almost every night i cried myself to sleep, i love him and i dont have any clue if he feels the same way. he says that he does, but his actions says otherwise.. i kept hanging on to the relationship for a lot of reasons: 1.) i love him ( the only wrong with that loving was that i never tried to tell him the gravity of how i feel, i’m afraid that he see’s our relationship as a game… and thats how i think he sees it; 2.) he has no family. he has biological family, but it remained as that. thre were no emotional connection or anything. no bonding. no nothing. im afraid if i would leave( which i also dnt want to do) he’ll be left alone; 3) people easily misjudge him. im afraid i was the only one patient enough to try to understand him. he easily looses his temper and the like. i feel like a mother hen, though he’s been much older. i just love him.
later i knw, he was seeing somebody in the course of our relationship, he was having an affair. when i found out, i become numbed and not only after 2 days did it sink in. the pain was almost unbearable.. to fastrack.. he returned to me, and in love that i’ve been… i accepted him.. but i could no longer give him my trust. Trust i realize, was a very powerful word.. that i believe it was more important than love. the relationship ended again. and it broked my heart to millions of pieces i wasnt able to recover some parts until now…
i’ve been to previous relationships but those didnt last long because im longing for this man. Could it be because in the course of our relationship i keep on witholding my feelings? the last relationship has been with someone who is married. that relationship was more for companionship, ironic as it may sound ..i was his wife’s advocate until the day that we parted. that was only the time when i thought i’m free of my first love… but again my mind would still wonder back to him for the nth time… seems it’s so useless trying to fight it back. what was so wrong? i’ve been praying for it to fade.. in a way it did but still,,not completely…ive learned to live in a rather peaceful way over the years thought i still keep memories of him more than whats necessary. i come to live with being melancholic at times and crying again for being do stupid as to miss him terribly. recently however, i learned that he and the girl that was the reason for our breakup was having an affair again, i feel like dying… i may have no right to feel this way and yes, pathetic as it may sound, i want the world to swallow me whole upon knowing it… i heard it personally from him.. and it was more painful.. again never was i able to say how he mattered to me..
il be taking my board exam, and this dilemma is the last thing that i would expect to happen. I prayed so hard aftre that, i was even furious at him (God) for allowing me to care for that person for so long. how i cried to take away the pain… and after almost 7 yrs i felt sme peace with my emotions with him … i’ve been asking god to ” pls put anesthesia on my heart pls” and yes i did got my anesthesia, and i know God has been faithful to me despite my flaws….
ive been a prisoner of my own emotion for so long… and it took me a very short time to ask God for an anesthesia? isnt that something? the man i have loved may not have been faithfull but God certainly is..
as for that man, i still ask God to keep whatever thoughts at bay because even if i feel no more pain… ive been so used to his memories i have to get a back up to get him off my system.
thank u for giving us some area bro. bo where we could let others be reminded that God’s Love is greater than anyone elses and his faithfulness never falters, and to trust his plans for us.. Godbless
dear Bo:
peace!
i think i will be the the different story among the loads of stories that this bolg of yours generated… first, i am not a christian anymore.. i had reverted to Islam… perviously i was a born again christian, became an atheist… then found God again in Islam… still i want to share my story…. Islam considers christianity the closest among the other faiths to the islamic tradition…
i had three relationships with men … first my christian husband… we were married for more than 10 years… he was alcoholic, a bum, lacks direction in life… means to say i was the “man” in the relationship..
i went out of the country to work in the middle east to find myself again… and of course to earn more for my kids… in here i met two men… one through the net, who became my soulmate… he was a British Muslim and i had found in him what was lacking in my marriage - the ability to connect and communicate… but it was not meant to be.. he was married… and we both cannot commit to each other because at that time i was still undecided whether to annul my christian marriage or not… i let this one go….
then in my second year abroad, i finally embraced Islam finding some inner peace in this religion… as a new muslim, the other Believers told me i cannot anymore go back to my christian husband… and it is highly advised for new muslims to marry another muslim man to help them in their new found faith… it was then that i opened my heart to another man… someone i worked with and considered a brother…. he was younger than me.. it was the principal problem between us… he was also immature… though he is very ardent and passionate in his “love” as most Arabs are, he never fulfilled his committment to marry me first because his family has someone else, a cousin, for him to marry… he was a good son in that regard..he married his cousin and now she is pregnant…. emotionally i felt abused…. even my new found faith was deeply affected… he tried to honor his promise by becoming engaged to me just last month… what troubled me a lot was his lack of courage to tell his first wife about it or his family… so i felt it will be a “secret relationship” till he is ready???? i felt the same pain of betrayal that i broke off the engagement… i feel that i deserve more than he can offer…. i also discovered along the way the many differences that we have despite mutually exclaiming we were soulmates… i realized my deepest mistakes… i also found out at work we were destroying each other…. so it is an unhealthy relationship….
he accused me of the one playing…or hitting on men for the pains they caused me… i do not think so…. maybe it was easy for me to give him up but i feel he should be a good husband to the first wife before he can have another wife… after all, no one can force us to marry someone against our will… and i believe that if he truly loved me, he would have fought for me from the very beginning…
now i am about to transfer to another work area… we will not work together anymore… Alhamdllelah! God provided for me the answer… to distance away from the source of “ardent and unbridled love”… bad relationships you call it….
have i found my true love? i think i have … i realized that true love is not in this life on earth… all relationships come and go…. married is a sacred institution and we can find love within it with mutual effort… True Love is with God alone and in obedience to his Laws and prohibitions…. if in life we meet the right person as our husband/wife and companion.. this is a blessing..a grace…. insha Allah i can find mine if Allah wills it…. one thing i realize… i deeply admire great christian marriages that last… monogamous..exclusive.. through thick and thin…. deep committment…. though i have seen similiar marriages among muslims, these are few… … inside me, i am still a believer of a monogamous marriage institution… maybe because of how i was brought up as a filipino…
please pray for me Bo that i can still have these things … i still believe in and value committed relationships…
A Dead-End Relationship
yes. You read it write. I used to have a relationship with a married man. Indeed it was the kind of relationship I have always wanted that I never thought there is really wrong with it.
I was a really nice person. I grew up in a Catholic family. My parents are both Catholic, and they raised me up in the same faith. I studied in a Catholic school, from pre-elementary until college. I also encountered the Lord when I was in college. I served Him. And loved Him. I was a good daughter to my parents and sister to my siblings. Never did I brought any problems at home. I was good. I was happy.
But when I met this man, an officemate, things started to change. At first, there was nothing special about him. Indeed, I never liked him at first. But after sometime of talking to him and being with him, we became friends–good friends. And that was when people around us are realizing that there is something going on betweed us. They would remind me that he is already married. But to no avail, I still fell in love with him.
At first, we tried to deny whatever feelings we had for each other because we both know that it is wrong. But the feelings are so strong. And we ended up having a secret relationship. He was my first boyfriend. And in those times that I was with him, I never felt that I was just a second priority. He promised that he will work things out just so he can be free and be deserving to be called my man. I believed it can happen. And I held on to that promise. For two years.
The two years I spent with him was really one of the best things in my life. I was happy. I was contented. But my family never knew about him. Ofcourse, they would not agree. But that doesnt stopped me from loving him and fighting for our love.
Until one day, finally, I realized, this is a dead end relationship. I stopped seeing him and comminicating with him. It wasnt easy, really. Because what I had with him was everything I ever wamted. But with God’s grace I survived all the pains and sorrows.
I joined a Catholic community and once again my love for God grew. Little by little I felt the Lord coming to me and welcoming me. I know I am not worthy to be His daughter anymore but He never got tired of loving me.
Now, I’m glad I did came out of that relationship. I may not have met the right man yet, but I am working to make myself worthy for the my future husband. I am still picking up the broken pieces of my heart. And in time, I know everything’s gonna be alright.
hi. i read the article..i too was in a bad relationship before…ive been with this guy for almost 3 years before i realized that having a future with him was far from reality. he’s an addict..i know he was,but i didnt know that he is still an addict.he also have a mental illness which i only knew when he was again admitted..maybe i knew it before or maybe the idea was there but i was blinded to see and face it. i loved him still. ive had bad experiences with him, but that didnt lead to a break up..i know my family did not approve much of our relationship even if i dont hear it directly from them, i do feel it..but that also didnt stop me from continuing with the relationship. til a couple of years ago,ive observed changes from him that i know was not normal anymore.that went for about a month or less until i got to talk with his sister..told me they also saw the changes in his behavior, and suspected him of using drugs. and she also told me the reason why he was admitted in a rehab facility. i told her what i know. we still went out even if he’s acting different. his sister even told me to let him take his medications because he wont listen to them, which i did. it went on until he got into a fight with his neighbors, then the family opted to admit him into the rehab facility again a few days after the incident.i didnt hear from him before the incident.i just got a text from his sister that we need to talk.we talked on the phone and she told me everything.i broke into tears upon hearing what happened…then i visited him a month after his admission,he was ok..a friend asked me if i still love him,if i still can accept the situation.i guess i was in the stage of fighting for him..for the situation that i cant control.i visited him again on his birthday,my 2nd visit,almost 1 1/2 months after my 1st visit.we even went out of the facility but with his “chaperone.” after that,i spent time in front of the computer..i served as an outlet..cant talk about this with family members,its hard to explain..no visit from me..after 2 months,i decided to end it,just a thought..after 2 months again,it was done!i visited him to hand him the letter and personally tell him its over..but before i did this,i informed his sister but his sister didnt approve of this because his situation might get worse when it is starting to get better.i told her,its also hard for me..then it happened.he knew it would happen.i also informed the center so that they know what to do if ever something happens.they didnt tell me that i made a wrong decision,because i knew that they knew the situation i was facing..it was a tough one,finally facing the truth,accepting the situation.i still cried after that,im not exactly sure why.but after that,i remembered events/situations during our relationship that i must say i was a fool that i let it pass without standing up for myself..things that i hope didnt happen or i could have assert myself more..at first i was thinking that people might judge me for entering in a new relationship right after ending the previous one,but i told myself that i also deserve to be happy.i have grieved for months before the break up happened.the break up was a formality,to set things clear,to take away the pain ive been experiencing for months.they dont have the right to judge me,they didnt know what i went through with that relationship.i didnt regret the break up because i met a wonderful man who i love so much, and i know that he loves me so..he helped me get my life back.he also feels the same.and now,im happy because i made the right decision, by ending the bad relationship i was into to have a better look with my life…with my future…with our future..ending a bad relationship doesnt end with shutting yourself from opportunities of having a good one..it starts there..i can say that i felt pain,i was deeply hurt but that didnt stop me from hoping that someday my knight in shining armour would come. and so he did…and im very very happy…
when a door closes, a window opens…i guess for me,a door closed,but another opened up for me,and its much bigger..i chapter of my life ended bady,so now,im writing another book…giving up the previous relationship didnt mean im weak,i was strong enough to accept the truth, start a new life and take a risk…
dear Bo,
i have an ex and we’ve been on for 2 years and 7 months, our friendship ends for 6 years during our friendship we’ve been M.U for about 4 years and that was the time that he started courting me.
we only met through text, her cousin gave my number to him. that time electronic load was not yet a fad actually he saved his allowance just to have a load and it took him about a week just to buy a prepaid card in order to communicate with me. from then on we became a constant textmate althrough out those years. i felt so disappointed whenever a day passed without even his message. we only met personally after 4 years and after a couple of weeks i answered him YES because i felt that this man that i was attached to was already the real man that i am looking for.
time passes by we undergone so many trials in life there was a time that it was so happen that he was so busy in his thesis, and i felt so disappointed that i was no longer included in his schedule just to text me or inform me how he was doing in his daily life. but i tried my best to understand him and i really did. after he graduated in college, he went here in manila to review in preparation for his board exam, we always met everyday it was like a special day for us every time we saw each other. he tried his best in his exam but unfortunately he failed. that time again it was very painful for me because he made a distance to me, after the day of his exam, he went home in his province. he was jobless for about 5 moths, he stayed in his province for that long months, i waited for him Bo, our communication was on and off but still i kept praying to God that 1 day he will gave us the chance to meet each other again because i was so hopeless that we will never see each other again, he could’nt travel here in manila from his province due to financial problem but still i kept on praying that miracle would come and we will see each other again. after 5 long months of praying, prayers has been answered. we saw each other and he tried to find a job for about 2 months. 1 of his relatives help him to apply in one of the broadcasting company here in manila i was happy then when he was hired but his job only last for about a month because that time working force was really needed and the company really need an extra employee. after that job until now he never have a job it was already 1 year and 6 months that he was jobless. and I was also hopeless to help him because i was only a student there was a time that was giving him my spare money just for him to have an allowance because i knew their situation (they were 6 siblings and his mother was the bread winner and the income of his mother was not sufficient for all of them). My friends even called me martyr for holding on in our relationship. I can’t help but cry and pray Bo because i really love him. he so nice and good to me.
but at one point in time when he got home in their province during christmas season, he started being bitter to me, i don’t know why. There was time in a day that he never texted me or even called me. and then i asked him why he told me that he so busy, but when i asked his brother he told me that he was just busy chatting with their neighbor. I disregarded that. But when he got home here in manila he met a new friend via web only and 1 time they met each other in a mall (eyeball), he never informed me that he would met someone he only informed me the day after they met and that girl friend that he met let her slept in his house where in he only board (boarding house) i asked him why he let this happen he explained that he only helped her because that woman doesn’t have any relatives here in manila. and i got mad at him because their friendship didn’t even last for a month then he allowed that to happen so disgusting.
after 3 months of fighting, i got traumatized. i cried a lot for that long months. i couldn’t bear but cry because the man that i was able to love was quite cheating on me, during that 3 months he was not able to communicate with me the way we communicate before and as we met i checked on his log at his fon and i discovered that during the time that he was not texting me he could even text that woman. i really felt so disappointed. i tried to broke up with him but he wouldn’t allowed me to do so because he doesn’t like it. and we pursue our relationship, but as we go on with our relationship, he continued making friends with other girls and it really made me so mad, he was so friendly with other woman, there was a time that a woman would called him daddy, called him on his phone, he would even add in his friendster account, chat on the ym and etc. God I can’t help but cry. my sister would even told me to break up with our relationship, i cant help but cry, i dont know what to do because i really love him.
After 5 months of suffering i broke up with me, it was really hard for me and until now I’m on the process of moving on. And as we separate our ways there was a point in time that we talked to each other, he asked me to fix our relationship, I was not able to say yes again to him because I was really afraid that he would hurt me again. And one time I asked about a girl to him what was their relationship, i was shocked that he admitted that during the time that he was courting me, they were in a state of M.U relationship, because they both have a special name with each other. But as I discovered it I just told to myself that our relationship was already over (konswelo ko na lang sa sarili ko) so it was okay for me.
It was really painful for me to undergone with this kind of relationship, Until now he was asking for a second chance. help me Bo, what shall I do?
hi bro. Bo
It’s been a year now since I finally got out on a bad relationship w/ someone who don’t know what commitment is. for 3 years that we have been together parang puro laro lang ang nangyari.. mahirap to just decide to get out when your head over heels in love w/ him…or so I thought that it was LOVE. back then I didn’t know what exactly the true meaning of it or maybe I was just afraid that if I let him go nobody will ever gonna show me love again…You see he was the only serious one that I have kasi I felt that nobody ever taken me seriously…lagi ko tinatanong si Lord about it before bakit ganon yung iba madali lang makahanap ng mamahalin while in my case it really takes so much effort on my part to get out there and be notice by someone..so when I finally found him ayoko na talagang pakawalan yung chance na yun…kahit na lagi niya sinasabi na di pa cia ready because he don’t have a stable job at that time kaya ok lang sakin if di kami lagi lumalabas..or it’s just fine if we only talk on the phone lang…kasi i’m really looking forward of that time na aayusin niya ang future niya for us so I desparately hang on sa mga promises niya…I even took an effort of helping him realize what he really wants to do with his life aside sa barkada at vices niya…but to no avail…I just wasted my whole time dealing with a jerk. I started realizing to stop this insanity of mine when I found this book one day at the bookstore entitled HOW TO FIND YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE (of course one of your best selling books for us singles.) upon reading it madami ako narealize na mali sa mga ginagawa ko kasi hinahayaan kong i-treat ako ng di maayos kasi i’ve given this guy the opportunity to do so…in a way bumababa ang self worth ko…and my whole being as well…I think rather I know in my heart that I deserve to have someone who also deserves the love that I could give…i’m a good person it may sound conceited but i know i am a decent woman who deserves respect and proper love not a friendship with benefits…
Right now I may say that slowly nakalimutan ko na talaga siya..I made a choice to finally stop entertaining him and start believing that one day the one person that I’m praying for will finally come into my life…Hu knows it could be one you guys out there whose reading my story right now……thanks! and may God bless us all.
hi bro. bo and all the readers of this blog.
at first i was a little hesitant to share my story, it was not actually over, the people involved are still doing their thing. i am quite bothered of it but now i think the important thing is that i have moved on. i dont have a pretty paper back kind of story, but i just want to share this to you as well as to others who are patiently reading these blogs like me. i’m not proud of all that i was in the past, i was an insecure, procrastinating, self-pitying person who found comfort in smoking. i had my share of family problems that i kept on thinking about, until i read your book called, your past does not define your future and my life was slightly changed, just slight coz i still couldnt give up cigarettes that time. it was all that i got whenever something bad happens, i could smoke 2 packs a day and will never stop until i had chest pains. two years ago, my boyfriend broke up with me because he fell in love with his best friend’s girlfriend. i found it funny it even happened before the movie was shown but anyway, it was still amusing. of course i got really hurt and had low self-esteem because the girl was cool and pretty and im not. so while i was wallowing in self pity and my cigarette addiction and workaholism got even worse to the extent that im not even going home anymore, i practically live in the office and drown myself with tons of work! while i was at it, i got really close with an officemate who is a born again christian, (i dont have anything against their religion) he always invites me out to his church and we hang out all the time. because he was so nice, i misinterpreted him and thought that he likes me, but he told me that it’s good that we should remain friends. and then again, my heart was crushed and plummeted straight to the core of the earth. i felt so ugly coz he said he preferred another girl and not me, he even told me that i dont stand a chance and no one will ever like me. that time, i became sick, i suffered the pain of ulcers everytime i think about the exact words he said. and i also smoked triple time, my illusions of this guy went on for two years! and i cant imagine why i didnt give myself a chance to meet others. i really felt bad because i was so pathetic! now im in a stage of healing and i thank u and specially God for that. ive read your book how to find your one true love and perpetually followed the contents and saw great results! i now have a boyfriend and we’re planning to get married by early next year! i found it funny coz before i was not really expecting him to come along. it’s sad to think that ive gotten quite cynical but i was so wrong! i just wanna tell everone who reads this, not to lose hope and give yourself a chance, love yourself and the results are great! take it from me.. now ive quit smoking! i am continually inspired by your speeches, books, newsletter and blogs. though ive chosen the path of righteousness, sometimes temptations still get in the way. and this is the biggest challenge ever. thank you for inspiring us! sana d ka magsawa coz ur really helping a lot of people. God bless
hi brother bo…im a big fan of yours…im glad when we see each other every lenten season in angel’s hills where me and my husband attend retreats…i just have one question…if you are stuck in a relationship and you are married to this person already…do you still have chance of finding your one true love when you know that everyhing that’s going on in your relationship is going down the drain…when you are stuck with an alcoholic and insensitive person…is there still hope that you can be happy again…without disappointing God…
Hi everyone.I just want to share my experience but i think its different. Im really happy for those who got out of a bad relationships. As for me, i think i am in a bad relationship. Im in a same sex relationship. I t really takes guts to share this but i think theres a purpose why i got this article from mr Bo Sanchez. It really caught my attention. Im the type of person who is scared to be alone. No one to share my feelings etc. I have many friends but still.. iba ung meron kang special friend. Young parang girl/boy relationship/ Since i dont have a boyfriend. I have a friend na medyo prang tomboy? since bago sakin ang ganitong scenario. Nag enjoy lang ako. Sinubukan ko dahil wala naman akong boyfriend.. I had boyfriends before. So parang malungkot pag wala akong boyfriend. maybe mali ako. mali tlga. sabe nga ng friends ko lalake pa rin naman daw ang gusto ko tlga and gusto ko din naman tlga mgakaron ng own family someday so bket nand2 pa rin ako. siguro dahil takot lang tlga ako magisa ewan ko ba. sana mei mapayo kayo saken.
Hi Brother Bo and all readers and followers. I have a relationship with a married man now coming to 11 years. We have a son he is 4 years old. I came from a broken family but I dont blame them for my situation. Matigas ang ulo ko and I guess I am searching for something which I couldnt find and he was the only one who was able to give it to me. However, frankly, I am still on the search, so I commit pitfalls and start to have flings and really its just too hard. I try to be as honest and good as I possibly can. I think am doing that but I admit I am very weak and I can’t let go of him. That is one of the reasons i turned to your website, so i may find what I am looking for. I hope and pray that i will in time. I know God is listening, He always is, ako ang hindi. I just pray for strength to keep on the fight and to find peace that I think I deserve. God Bless…
you know what brother bo? when you said “I’ve learned that without ending a bad relationship, there won’t be space for a good relationship to begin in your life.”, i became so happy and hopeful again. my relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years just ended because we always fight and never seem to understand each other. but now that were apart, he realized my worth. i guess this break-up would make way for a new beginning for us. not now but in the future i guess. maybe God intended this to happen for us to give time to ourselves and to Him because we seem to be so exclusive to each other before that we forget that theres more to life than our relationship. thank you brother bo.
i never thought any god-fearing people would suggest to any married person to “get out of a bad relationship”… I thought I have to endure whatever happens to my married life. I’m married to someone who is an emotional abuser (and i believe an addict- although he denies it). For almost 12 years being together, never did I utter “quits” to him. But my heart and whole being is giving-up…
I have not yet comprehended how and when, but after reading all of these, I am glad that many others have “crossed” the decision and still live their “happy ending” (or shall i say “happy new beginning”).
I just pray for God’s guidance and grace to help me understand and have courage if it calls for it.
Thank you brother bo,,,,,,
well, i always thought my re;ationships before and even now were all bad.. i always feel that those guys were just cheating to me..
just like my boyfriend now..i think he is unfaithful and is being dishonest..
i think i’m having a problem on trusting people especially trusting a boryfriend. Bo, can u help me? i think i need enlightenment..:(
this is in response to MAYBE’s msg, who wrote oct 20, I’ll include u in my prayers Maybe, and i hope God would give you the strength to hope for a much better situation… I don’t blame you for being in that relationship, i’ve been there, but i hope you have enough courage to leave it… i may not know the whole story behind but believe in yourself that you deserve much better.
know what, it takes a hard time to understand the complexity of the pothole where in…….but what amazes me the most is how easy it is to pray and ask for help. try it =)
Godbless you and your son
Hi Bro Bo,
RELATIONSHIP WITH A MARRIED MAN
We have been together for 7 years now and still very much in love…
Technically we could say that it is adultery but we have already asked God for forgiveness. We asked “Him” to guide us on what we should do and that if we are really not meant for each other that the love we are feeling would fade in an instant. I prayed to Him everyday that if we really have no future together, that He create a reason or a miracle, so strong that will take me away from him or will separate us and the reason will not give us any chance to be together again or to go back to each other again…but then, I still wake up each morning, loving him even stronger. For 7 years we did not stop loving each other, we still wake up each morning lovingly embracing each other and whispers “i love you so much” sometimes I just cant help but cry because my emotions for him is so strong that my body could not contain the feelings anymore and i start to cry just looking at him.
I believe in my heart that God is helping us, his annulment will already be concluded this year and his faith in our religion is so strong and I believe it is not really because of me but because God showed him the way and touched his heart in a way that even I could not explain.
We met 7 years ago…the journey was not easy…
We constantly talked on the phone. I found him interesting. He has a lot of ideas, and is so smart that I found talking to him too enjoyable and fun. We can talk about anything under the sun, so every day, since I met him I anticipated his calls at least once a day. So when we finally met, he told me he was married and got 2 children. I felt something pinched my heart but not too painful, I reasoned to myself probably because I’ve got a crush on him already. But then I told him it is okay since we’re just friends, but I hope that his wife will not get jealous of me. Then he told me he’s separated (I felt a sense of hope, I didn’t know why at that time). He told me he has a problem with his married life. He’s wife is a nagger and always accusing him of doing things that he’s not doing. He said she always curses him and that he hated it so much because his parents raised him and his siblings without hearing any of those foul words. He told they always fight even in front of their children that he decided to go away and live separately so his children will not be affected. He told me he’s living separately with his family already but he’s supporting his children and visits them everyday and giving them their needs, financially and emotionally. For 4 months we go out together with his friends or sometimes with my friends, and we really enjoyed each moment. Sometimes he will ask me to go out just the two of us but still as friends. There were times that in wee hours he will text me to go out in front of our house, because he just parked his car there and he’s looking for somebody to talk to and we end up at the break of dawn still talking and laughing even we both have work in the morning. Then after 4 months, I remember that day when he asked me to go with him in a mall because he just found a new residence and needed to buy some things for the condo so I went with him, and then during dinner he prepared a steak for our dinner, after eating we watched TV in his sofa and then he held my hand and told me not to look at him because he’s shy! I told him what’s wrong then he said “I love you” and I was not surprised at all it is as if my heart was waiting for it, waiting for the time he would finally utter the words we’ve been hiding…and I said “I love you too”. That time I already knew it was wrong, I knew there will be no turning back, but it seems that my heart ruled my lips and not my mind and it just dictated the words, the sound just came out…
We were in bliss…though I know the relationship is not complete. I also knew that is not heading to a “happily-ever-after” thing. I knew the first few months, the feeling he has for me was not that strong…I can feel it. That was the reason why I feel jealous all the time… I feel so insecure all the time. So I thought by giving myself to him would solve it. But then it worsened my insecurity. Probably because what we are doing is wrong that at the back of my mind I feel so guilty about it. Though he’s separated, still in the eyes of men, he’s still married. I was so naïve then, so young and just starting out my career. I never stopped thinking the consequences of what would happen to me, with my future. What would my family think if they will know that I have this kind of relationship? A lot of thoughts in my head…sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night asking myself, why am I doing this? Is this really happening? Probably it was my subconscious talking…
So many times I tried to get out of the relationship. So many times I broke up with him. Every night I prayed to God to help me, and let me find a way out. But I love him so much that I was able to endure the guilt, the humiliation, the concealment… If only I felt that he doesn’t love me at all, if only I felt abused or if only he was a drug addict or an alcoholic or a bum, probably it would be easy for me then…but he was none of that. As time goes by, I felt that his love for me becomes stronger especially during the time that he was so down financially that made us even closer and his faith to God becomes solid as a rock. He wanted to file the annulment on our first year, but he has no time and means yet. He filed the annulment during our 2nd year relationship but the lawyer, squandered the money he paid. Then the reason I felt that God is helping us is because his wife filed the annulment last year and we were surprised, we were still saving for the money for him to file and then his wife suddenly filed for it.
We always go to church together, thanking God for all the blessings and for the love we still have for each other. After the case, I will introduce him to my parents so we could finally be out in the open. I believe in my heart God is helping us, we probably started our relationship wrong but with our sincere prayer for forgiveness and help that God gave His mercy to us. He can read the hearts of all the people, and He red ours. We did not intend it to happen, it just did. We tried to stop, but we admitted to Him that we are so weak and we already put our trust on Him. We told Him in our prayers that whatever will happen to us as long as it is His will, we will accept it with gratitude even it means we need to separate in whatever way.
Bro, until now as I have said we are still together. We are lovers and best friends. I love him so much that my day would not be complete if I cannot see him. I love kissing him and embracing him and he feels the same. In the morning he would wake me up with a kiss and “I love you’s”. We still love talking and laughing about almost everything. Of course, no relationship is perfect. We have our shares of ups and downs, we fight, we argue but at the end of the day, we still love each other. We cannot live without each other. We share our dreams of growing old in our house where we will be waiting for our children and grandchildren to come home and visit…we share a simple dream, to be together, serving and worshipping God, thanking Him for everything.
Thank you and more power Bro Bo!
Hi Bro Bo,
RELATIONSHIP WITH A MARRIED MAN
We have been together for 7 years now and still very much in love…
Technically we could say that it is adultery but we have already asked God for forgiveness. We asked “Him” to guide us on what we should do and that if we are really not meant for each other that the love we are feeling would fade in an instant. I prayed to Him everyday that if we really have no future together, that He create a reason or a miracle, so strong that will take me away from him or will separate us and the reason will not give us any chance to be together again or to go back to each other again…but then, I still wake up each morning, loving him even stronger. For 7 years we did not stop loving each other, we still wake up each morning lovingly embracing each other and whispers “i love you so much” sometimes I just cant help but cry because my emotions for him is so strong that my body could not contain the feelings anymore and i start to cry just looking at him.
I believe in my heart that God is helping us, his annulment will already be concluded this year and his faith in our religion is so strong and I believe it is not really because of me but because God showed him the way and touched his heart in a way that even I could not explain.
We met 7 years ago…the journey was not easy…
We constantly talked on the phone. I found him interesting. He has a lot of ideas, and is so smart that I found talking to him too enjoyable and fun. We can talk about anything under the sun, so every day, since I met him I anticipated his calls at least once a day. So when we finally met, he told me he was married and got 2 children. I felt something pinched my heart but not too painful, I reasoned to myself probably because I’ve got a crush on him already. But then I told him it is okay since we’re just friends, but I hope that his wife will not get jealous of me. Then he told me he’s separated (I felt a sense of hope, I didn’t know why at that time). He told me he has a problem with his married life. He’s wife is a nagger and always accusing him of doing things that he’s not doing. He said she always curses him and that he hated it so much because his parents raised him and his siblings without hearing any of those foul words. He told they always fight even in front of their children that he decided to go away and live separately so his children will not be affected. He told me he’s living separately with his family already but he’s supporting his children and visits them everyday and giving them their needs, financially and emotionally. For 4 months we go out together with his friends or sometimes with my friends, and we really enjoyed each moment. Sometimes he will ask me to go out just the two of us but still as friends. There were times that in wee hours he will text me to go out in front of our house, because he just parked his car there and he’s looking for somebody to talk to and we end up at the break of dawn still talking and laughing even we both have work in the morning. Then after 4 months, I remember that day when he asked me to go with him in a mall because he just found a new residence and needed to buy some things for the condo so I went with him, and then during dinner he prepared a steak for our dinner, after eating we watched TV in his sofa and then he held my hand and told me not to look at him because he’s shy! I told him what’s wrong then he said “I love you” and I was not surprised at all it is as if my heart was waiting for it, waiting for the time he would finally utter the words we’ve been hiding…and I said “I love you too”. That time I already knew it was wrong, I knew there will be no turning back, but it seems that my heart ruled my lips and not my mind and it just dictated the words, the sound just came out…
We were in bliss…though I know the relationship is not complete. I also knew that is not heading to a “happily-ever-after” thing. I knew the first few months, the feeling he has for me was not that strong…I can feel it. That was the reason why I feel jealous all the time… I feel so insecure all the time. So I thought by giving myself to him would solve it. But then it worsened my insecurity. Probably because what we are doing is wrong that at the back of my mind I feel so guilty about it. Though he’s separated, still in the eyes of men, he’s still married. I was so naïve then, so young and just starting out my career. I never stopped thinking the consequences of what would happen to me, with my future. What would my family think if they will know that I have this kind of relationship? A lot of thoughts in my head…sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night asking myself, why am I doing this? Is this really happening? Probably it was my subconscious talking…
So many times I tried to get out of the relationship. So many times I broke up with him. Every night I prayed to God to help me, and let me find a way out. But I love him so much that I was able to endure the guilt, the humiliation, the concealment… If only I felt that he doesn’t love me at all, if only I felt abused or if only he was a drug addict or an alcoholic or a bum, probably it would be easy for me then…but he was none of that. As time goes by, I felt that his love for me becomes stronger especially during the time that he was so down financially that made us even closer and his faith to God becomes solid as a rock. He wanted to file the annulment on our first year, but he has no time and means yet. He filed the annulment during our 2nd year relationship but the lawyer, squandered the money he paid. Then the reason I felt that God is helping us is because his wife filed the annulment last year and we were surprised, we were still saving for the money for him to file and then his wife suddenly filed for it.
We always go to church together, thanking God for all the blessings and for the love we still have for each other. After the case, I will introduce him to my parents so we could finally be out in the open. I believe in my heart God is helping us, we probably started our relationship wrong but with our sincere prayer for forgiveness and help that God gave His mercy to us. He can read the hearts of all the people, and He red ours. We did not intend it to happen, it just did. We tried to stop, but we admitted to Him that we are so weak and we already put our trust on Him. We told Him in our prayers that whatever will happen to us as long as it is His will, we will accept it with gratitude even it means we need to separate in whatever way.
Bro, until now as I have said we are still together. We are lovers and best friends. I love him so much that my day would not be complete if I cannot see him. I love kissing him and embracing him and he feels the same. In the morning he would wake me up with a kiss and “I love you’s”. We still love talking and laughing about almost everything. Of course, no relationship is perfect. We have our shares of ups and downs, we fight, we argue but at the end of the day, we still love each other. We cannot live without each other. We share our dreams of growing old in our house where we will be waiting for our children and grandchildren to come home and visit…we share a simple dream, to be together, serving and worshipping God, thanking Him for everything.
Thank you and more power Bro Bo!
Relationship with an emotional abuser (can’t commit, cheater, insecure…)
It has been almost two years since I broke up with my ex. The last straw for me was seeing a picture of him and the “girl” on his mobile phone. He brought the girl to his HS friend’s wedding just because I can’t go (I had just been hired then so I can’t take a leave). He didn’t tell me about it. I broke up with him in a haste because I was sure of one thing, I don’t deserve what he did to me. I thought then that he has no place in my life because I will never do to him what he has done to me. After that day, he didn’t answer my calls for a week then he called saying he’s finalizing the break-up. My friends advised that we should talk face to face to end things before our 6th yr. anniversary. He wouldn’t even see me personally. I was able to persuade him, I had to be the one to travel to his place (about 2.5 hours away!) and he said a lot of things that were hurtful like how I loved my job bec. I get paid high for doing it etc.) My mom got worried so she and my brother decided to pick me up, when I told my ex about it he said “Baby, is it okay if I don’t accompany you outside?” I said it’s okay (in my mind, I was thinking you’re such a jerk!). He couldn’t face my family after what he has done.
I moved on easily after that until the day I found out that he and the “girl” whom he’s claiming is just a “friend” who volunteered to accompany him in the wedding is already “in a relationship”. The girl even had their picture posted on Friendster with a poem saying “I couldn’t ask for more”. Now, I laugh about it, I said the same thing a long time ago until this guy betrayed my trust and hurt me so much.
Now I realize that it was the best decision I’ve ever made. Our bad relationship lasted for almost 6 years. Like all the other girls who’ve written their story, I too was blinded by love.
During the time that I had been single, I realized many things like how the signs of a bad relationship were there from the beginning but I chose to ignore them.
When my mom found out about what happened, she said “at least you got to know his true colors before you married him”. My mom is right, to be married to this guy would be hell!
I’ve been single for almost 2 years since the break-up. I guess after going through such a painful experience, it does take a while for the wounds to heal. I’m so thankful to find out I’m not the only one who took time. Some people say that the only way for you to show you’ve recovered is to be in a new relationship. I don’t believe in that. I’m taking my time to heal, to get to know myself better and most of all, to love myself more so that I’ll be whole again.
During my recollection in my senior year in college, I learned that “God’s timing is always perfect”. His timing indeed is perfect because I manage to free myself from a bad relationship before I started planning a wedding (although I don’t think this may happen because my ex can’t commit). From the experience I realized that God loves me, although the breakup had been painful, he showed me how loving and supportive my family and friends are.
Until this day, I pray for healing and forgiveness… One day I’ll meet my OTL.
i am having a bad relationship with my husband, like marowe my husband is cheating on me over and over, i can’t get out of the relationship because of my 4 children and the fact that i still love him… what should i do? do i have to get out of the bad relationship or do everything to save the relationship for the sake of my children?
We met at the initial meeting of the church choir. He was the president of the all men choir and i was the president of the all female choir. at the time, he didn’t have any friends in the village and would just be home-school-home. He courted me and i became his girlfriend just because i needed an escort for the debut of my friend.
i fell head over heels in love with him that school and family became last priority. i would skip school just to be with him. i would sit-in in all his classes. would get to know all the guards in his school so that i may enter without being a student in his school.
i would do everything for him. If he tells me not to wear sleeveless shirts, shorts, skirts, i would do it because i felt that whenever he tells me is the correct thing to do. He would forbid me to go out with my friends.
during this time he started to drink, gamble and smoke. i would just let him be. i would feel that he was checking out my friends and would desire my friends but i so wanted to be with him that its ok.
since i was not attending schools i failed 18 units out of 21 that i enrolled in. i hid this from my parents. fortunately enough they found out and wanted me to break-up with him. i couldn’t do it. he was my world at that time. he would say awful things about me - like i wasn’t sexy or beautiful enough. but i still couldn’t break-up with him.
he went to an interview in Makati and since atthat time there was still no cell phones, i waited for him in the greenbelt park church. the interview was scheduled at 830am and it was 2pm already, he hadn’t come back to fetch me. i called his friend and told me that they know where he is. together with his friends, we went over to another woman’s house - his girlfriend. i said that i would forgive and forget the whole thing as long as he gave up the girl and he said that he wanted to be with the girl. i fought long and hard. i bought him gifts, was on my “best ” befhaviour - he was always complaining that i was like this and that and that is the reason why he wated to be with the new girlfrind. i would wait for him until he leaves for work so that we can ride the bus together only to be hurt because he would go down at the station where his GF lives.
during this low point in my life, i would go to Quiapo, Baclaran and St. Jude and pray earnestly for God to bring us back together, that i was the right woman for him… but God said no…
i would always ask for signs, he would get back to me but no sign came. i would still pursue him inspite of, but he would just be with me bacause i can spend for him and be the alternative until he was back in his GF arms.
after 1 year of crying and praying and pleading both God and Him to get back together i surrendered my life to the Lord. during this time, i attended prayer meetings, went out with my friends, healed my low self worth and esteem. i learned that one has to love oneself first before i could learn to love someone else. that i have to be complete as a person, that a BF is just the icing on the cake and not the cake. that i should and could be happy without someone beside me. that i can stand on my own. that i was born alone and will die alone. after all these lessons then my husband came into my life. at this time i let him love the real me, with all my quirks and flaws. i did not show a mask as i did in my previous relationship.
i think my siblings got traumatized with my previous relationship that i sent them your book how to find your one true love. all of the lessons that you related in that book is waht i learned by experience. thank you for that book as it is a great help for other people who are trying to find their one true love
i have an ex and we’ve been on for 2 years and 7 months, our friendship ends for 6 years during our friendship we’ve been M.U for about 4 years and that was the time that he started courting me.
we only met through text, her cousin gave my number to him. that time electronic load was not yet a fad actually he saved his allowance just to have a load and it took him about a week just to buy a prepaid card in order to communicate with me. from then on we became a constant textmate althrough out those years. i felt so disappointed whenever a day passed without even his message. we only met personally after 4 years and after a couple of weeks i answered him YES because i felt that this man that i was attached to was already the real man that i am looking for.
time passes by we undergone so many trials in life there was a time that it was so happen that he was so busy in his thesis, and i felt so disappointed that i was no longer included in his schedule just to text me or inform me how he was doing in his daily life. but i tried my best to understand him and i really did. after he graduated in college, he went here in manila to review in preparation for his board exam, we always met everyday it was like a special day for us every time we saw each other. he tried his best in his exam but unfortunately he failed. that time again it was very painful for me because he made a distance to me, after the day of his exam, he went home in his province. he was jobless for about 5 moths, he stayed in his province for that long months, i waited for him Bo, our communication was on and off but still i kept praying to God that 1 day he will gave us the chance to meet each other again because i was so hopeless that we will never see each other again, he could’nt travel here in manila from his province due to financial problem but still i kept on praying that miracle would come and we will see each other again. after 5 long months of praying, prayers has been answered. we saw each other and he tried to find a job for about 2 months. 1 of his relatives help him to apply in one of the broadcasting company here in manila i was happy then when he was hired but his job only last for about a month because that time working force was really needed and the company really need an extra employee. after that job until now he never have a job it was already 1 year and 6 months that he was jobless. and I was also hopeless to help him because i was only a student there was a time that was giving him my spare money just for him to have an allowance because i knew their situation (they were 6 siblings and his mother was the bread winner and the income of his mother was not sufficient for all of them). My friends even called me martyr for holding on in our relationship. I can’t help but cry and pray Bo because i really love him. he so nice and good to me.
but at one point in time when he got home in their province during christmas season, he started being bitter to me, i don’t know why. There was time in a day that he never texted me or even called me. and then i asked him why he told me that he so busy, but when i asked his brother he told me that he was just busy chatting with their neighbor. I disregarded that. But when he got home here in manila he met a new friend via web only and 1 time they met each other in a mall (eyeball), he never informed me that he would met someone he only informed me the day after they met and that girl friend that he met let her slept in his house where in he only board (boarding house) i asked him why he let this happen he explained that he only helped her because that woman doesn’t have any relatives here in manila. and i got mad at him because their friendship didn’t even last for a month then he allowed that to happen so disgusting.
after 3 months of fighting, i got traumatized. i cried a lot for that long months. i couldn’t bear but cry because the man that i was able to love was quite cheating on me, during that 3 months he was not able to communicate with me the way we communicate before and as we met i checked on his log at his fon and i discovered that during the time that he was not texting me he could even text that woman. i really felt so disappointed. i tried to broke up with him but he wouldn’t allowed me to do so because he doesn’t like it. and we pursue our relationship, but as we go on with our relationship, he continued making friends with other girls and it really made me so mad, he was so friendly with other woman, there was a time that a woman would called him daddy, called him on his phone, he would even add in his friendster account, chat on the ym and etc. God I can’t help but cry. my sister would even told me to break up with our relationship, i cant help but cry, i dont know what to do because i really love him.
After 5 months of suffering i broke up with me, it was really hard for me and until now I’m on the process of moving on. And as we separate our ways there was a point in time that we talked to each other, he asked me to fix our relationship, I was not able to say yes again to him because I was really afraid that he would hurt me again. And one time I asked about a girl to him what was their relationship, i was shocked that he admitted that during the time that he was courting me, they were in a state of M.U relationship, because they both have a special name with each other. But as I discovered it I just told to myself that our relationship was already over (konswelo ko na lang sa sarili ko) so it was okay for me.
It was really painful for me to undergone with this kind of relationship, Until now he was asking for a second chance. help me Bo, what shall I do?
you really are inspiring brother bo! may you continue to inspire more people. i would say you are THE Most influential person in the Phils. wow! =) i would like to share my story here but i have to make a draft of it first… hope to see you again in our place…
i hope you can continue to write about financial intellegence in the Philippine setting,it really is good that the Filipinos be enlightened that money is not evil.
God saved me from the wrong one
i met this guy in new zealand who was not really the perfect-guy type. at one point, i was disgusted by his habits but then something happened that made me fall in love with him. i realized he had a good heart and that he cared for people and is willing to help although he wants to appear tough, he does listen to my problems. he started to change for me but then there are things that cannot be changed like our culture difference and our habits. he thinks i am a princess and he is a cave-man. he also didnt like me taking care of him even if he was my boyfriend because he said it was not my responsibility but i do want to do things for him. all my friends asked me what i saw in him aside from him being a cute new zealander. he changed when i told him not to do the stupid things his friends make him do.his friends were making him do things that are stupid and when i said it made me sad if he did something bad, he backed out saying he didnt want to hurt me so he just said “..we’ll just take things slow. your friends might be right…that i am bad for you…” and that’s how we parted ways. i didnt persue for my feelings for him. i know i should have but then after we fell apart, he went back to drinking and smoking and now even trying to do drugs. i dont know if it had something to do with me because he said he was willing to risk it with me and i said the same thing to him but it bothers him that i care so much about what other people think and it was such a turn-off for him..now, we still live in the same flat and are trying tobecome good friends. i can say God saved me from him because he was not really willing to change yet and he has a different culture and different beliefs. and i cant bend my beliefs for his….i told myself that even if it would hurt me, i would still choose God but i hope God wont take him away from me but i have learned to let go after i cried a lot for my love for him which he neglects now. he has hurt me although he didnt mean it and i forgive him. i still hope to see him and i hope to talk to him and i am always happy when we talk. i hope to tell more about this complex feelings that i have that even i dont understand sometimes…and people dont understand how i can’t get myself to hate my x-boyfriend. but i guess i really did love him and i always will.
Hi Bo..
I’ve been through a lot of bad relationships.. a relationship with a bum, a maniac, a liar, a married man..
How did i get out of my bad relationships..?
Simply because its my choice, my decision.
I came to realize i don’t deserve to have someone like them in my life.
I repented, and ask God to forgive a fallible human being like me who commit mistakes in having relationships with those guys.
But now i am so happy blessed with a young God fearing and a responsible man who accepted my past and failure in life.
Though the relationship might not be perfect, i believe that God sent him to me to save me from the dark.
He’s truly a savior, why?
Because he introduced me to you Bo, when we were just friends, he gave me a birthday gift.. and guess what, it’s all your book collections. =)
I thank you both, you two are such an amazing person.
As i read every pages of your book, i get inspired, continue to do great things, and live a simple happy life.
Continue to be a blessing.
Thanks for reading.
hi brother bo,
i tried two times to write my two different stories. one was how i got out from a bad relationship and the other is how i thot i was saved from the bad relationship and blessed with this new one, only to find out that i am making the same mistakes i have done in the past and even worse.
i want to share but i dont know where and how to start. i guess i am not yet ready to express myself. i remmber you said in your book, your past does not define your future that the things that you are not able to talk freely to others or even to share to others is OUT OF CONTROL in your life.
i am praying God will give me the courage to end this relationship i am having right now.
Dear Bro. Bo,
First of all i want to say that u really Rockz!..hehhee
How did i get out of a bad relationship..uhhm..first i realized that i deserved someone better, someone worthy of my love..
What i did is that i pretend to be someone in the internet. I chatted with him and become friends with him but at long run i discover why he dont want to commit to me, he already had a bf and she’s pregnant already..gosh! yun lang pala ang reason..
You know what Bro Bo. while chatting with him, nag send pa siya ng picture nila ng gf niya, silang dalawa sa studio..hahaha..at first it hurts..pero eventually na tawa na lang ako. Ang tanga niya..hehe..he didnt have the hint that it was me who’s chatting with him…Then after that i just decide to stop… I know in my heart i dont deserved that kind of guy..his such a liar..and i deserved someone better… And because of frustration i went to the bookstore and saw your book..All of my heartaches gone i finally realized that i an intelligent, beautiful, kind young woman who deserved someone that would love me and wont lie to me..
My sister told me that when i was sleeping im talking and laughing..shes sure that it was a line from the book, because before i sleep she saw me reading the book and laughing at it. the same laugh of mine when im asleep..Gosh it has a really big impact on me..hehehe..
im just so lucky Bro Bo that i did read your book ahead of time, that i will have a guide and will warm me..I just observed in the comments that “ang dami palang may mga relationship with a married man” ano ba yan! buti nalang! Sabi nila wag daw magsalita ng tapos kasi bata pa daw ako at hindi pa daw ako na fa fall in love talaga..but you know what Bro Bo. as you have said its a given that somoene will try to but i just think the greater good and think that if i commit in that relationship i will destroy a family..we should learn when to stop and if someone try to court like married man just dont entertain that person..thats all!
hi,
i enjoyed reading your article, as well as the comments of the other readers. It has really inspired me a lot. It has also assured me how worthy i am to be loved. ü
i have also been in a bad relationship for three years. and i am affirming what edna lyn said, “if it is not holy, God will break it.” Yes, it was an impure relationship. It also started from a wrong way. I was only 16 years old then, 1st year college, 1st semester. My parents did not allow me to have a boyfriend. But i insisted to try it because i was curious how does it feel. He was a typical guy who loves “Girls”, “computers”, “vices”, etc. Name it!
i was not serious then. until i have learned to love him so much and i was blinded by my emotions. i caught him up having third parties, and it did not happen for once, but a lot of times. i accepted it, hoping he’ll change someday. but it is true enough, if it happens once, it would either happen again or not. but if it happens twice, it will happen all over again. but i was too weak to face a life without him. so i’ve tried to accpet everything. i also found out that he was no longer pursuing his studies. though all those times, his family knew he was going to school. like edna lyn, it’s not that he was not able to finish studies, but it’s because of the thought that he was too blessed to go to a good school, with good allowance and compensation from his parents but he did not appreciate it. So “how can he stand for me or for us, if he can not stand for himself?” (edna lyn)
the impurity of the relationship did not stop even just for a while. i’ve tried to resist him but it was something that has been a “vital” part of the relationship (thoough it was reall not). this experience has also put me away from God. everytime i would to Him, my guilt was swallowing me that i chose not to talk to Him. ’til one time, i was really pissed off, we had a petty fight, i broke up with him. this break up happened for a lot of times. but this one, i promised to myself to stand for it no matter what. i asked God for strength and wisdom, and this time He held my hand so tight, embraced me and He never let me go. that decision was really painful but i know this is the best for me coz this is what God really wanted for me ever since. Until i found out that he already have an affair with my friend. Hatred fill me in. i felt i was betrayed. but this painful experience taught me to be stronger and to keep my faith better. God talked to me and i understood that this happened so i could have no choice but to stay away from him. hehe.
O yeah, some things are still unclear for me right now. But one thing that keeps me holding on and hoping, GOD’S PLAN IS PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL, SO I TRUST HIM. Right now, i am still single, would not deny that there are times i am longing for someone’s affection. but i believe that God is just preparing me and my prince charming. and i am so excited for that. this keeps me praying hard and believing that someone out there deserves me.ü
When I look back to what happened, I can honestly say it was not entirely a bad relationship. Insecurities from both parties got in the way of what we had which made neither of us happy. But it created the bestest, if I may, gift ever - Elijah, my son. He is the best ending to that insecurity-filled relationship. The \”donor\” (as I am fond of calling the father of my son) kinda jerked off after knowing the situation but i acted like i can handle anything and everything even without him. For some women, it would be a shattering experience to be left alone with the reponsibility. Hence would go after and squeeze herself in to the guy\’s life, then end up in a miserable marriage. But the good news is there are women like me who take in the gift and treasure it so much that the bad experience is forgotten then move on to be mothers. That is how the Lord took me out of a relationship that He knew was not making me happy. He provided me instead with the best source of joy. But then again bottomline is, how we take the Lord\’s offer of rescue. Me, i chose to take it with all my heart and be grateful for it. The worst mistake i ever committed created the richest me. To God be the glory!!!
[…] How Did You Get Out Of A Bad Relationship? […]
when i was still a kid i always prayed to the lord to send the right one. i said in my prayer that i wont mind if it would take a long time as long as this person that he would “send” to me is someone who would love me forever. i prayed that my first boyfriend would be my one and only boyfriend.
highschool passed and i didnt have suitors. i had a lot of crushes but none of them noticed me. as they would say, i was invisible in school.
then college came. during my last year, it was internship when i met this guy. my heart fell and for the first time i thought that it would be wonderful to take a risk with this person.
and so i did. i took the risk knowing that he had another girlfriend. i felt as though i am so lucky that this guy actually took me in, lifted me up and made me feel loved and special.
the sad thing is he likes other girls. he doesnt get contented with having only 1 gf.
after our 2nd year of being together we broke up. because of lack of time and communication.
i really got affected. after that ….to be continued.
before i found my one true love i\’ve been to several crazy-out-of-the-world-relationships. yes, relationships..several of them that sometimes i think and realized during those times there was also something wrong with me to tolerate it all.
after being treated like a princess for more than 3 yrs, my long time boyfriend back in college broke up with me with a very lame reason and since i am not anticipating that to happen coz i thought everything was smooth sailing between the two of us, i struggled. after almost a yr of finding myself i then entered a relationship with an officemate; with an unfaithful jerk. yes he was and i am clueless at first.he was still keeping in touch with his ex,i even went to the bar where they were supposed to hang out(her ex and i planned it,for him to be caught but that didn\’t stop him) and worst i caught him messaging other girls and sometimes hanging out and other things that guys do after partying,spending overnight and all that.i broke up with him but after a week, foolish as i am we get back together.after several months of him fooling around with me i decided to get out of the relationship. that was the time this angelic looking guy came.he came from a good family,he\’s gentleman,he\’s very loyal and he\’s good looking.i thought i got it right this time but just after 3 months his true colors show up.he was a selfish brat,he\’s unreasonable and worst he can\’t control his emotions.his anger became rage and when he\’s hot tempered he doesn\’t know what he\’s doing.yes, i was being beaten up when his anger strikes in.when i can\’t give what he wants,when he\’s doubting me,when we are fighting.i was in a relationship with a physical and emotional abuser for more than a yr.it was an on and off relationship.after getting back together he was fine,i thought he can really change but then again after a month or two our fights became worst;we fight in the streets,in their house or my house that sometimes my neighbors were being alarmed, they don\’t wanna see him at our apartment coz maybe they were hearing us fighting and me being beaten up.all over my place, i have memories of him acting like a 7 y/o brat throwing things,food,etc and the endless fights that we have.me being pushed,punched,pulled..i really can\’t imagine the other crazy things, those i thought i can only see in television happened to me.it\’s hard to get out,it seems like i have no escape that time.i broke up with him through phone since he won\’t let go of me if i will break up with him personally.he\’s very sorry until now,sending me message and all that but i choose to ignore him.i remained single for some time and enjoyed every moment of it. i dated several guys but all of them are not worth it as well. the first one has a gf abroad that he told me it was already an ex only to find out that they are still together and he will go there also to work abroad and be with that gf for good.the other one just used me,financially and sexually.the other just for the sake of having a gf that he can introduced to his family but what matters most to him is his work,his friends,his poker and computer game.i really don\’t know what brought me up to all this but one thing i knew is that i learned a lot from these relationships,learned to love myself more than anyone else and realized my self worth.and after all these, during the time that i am really not looking for a partner and enjoying single life i was blessed with a very responsible,God-fearing man who accepts me as i am,knows my self worth,respects my whole being and love me trully.yes, he\’s my one true love.after all those that had happened in the past, i know he is the one and this time i got it right. i am very happy and lucky indeed,he is a blessing.true that after a storm, a rainbow will follow.
getting out of a bad relationship is just a matter of choice and sticking to it and with God\’s guidance everything will fall into the right place in his time.
HOW TO GET OUT IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP?
Just get out. Walk away.And don’t turn your back. AGAIN.
My boyfriend is an EMOTIONAL ABUSER. he lives 3 hours away from our town and would often call me on my cellphone every 15min. when he heard somethings not right my classmates (boys) who are just talking. he would get mad and start ruining my day…. He really really likes it when he controls me… at first i was “kilig” of the thought that he is really serious with me and would die for me… but in the end, IM NOT HAPPY….
almost every other day we fight, and the one that i would never forgetwas when i stroll in the mall, by myself,alone… i thought he would not call because i texted him already (he would get mad if he wouldn’t know where am i going and who’s my companions… no boys, strictly!) i didn’t noticed that there is no signal inside the mall all this time.. i ended up crying while we had an argument and walking out in the exit…
he would never stop attacking me… i would cry.he beg me to forgive him.apology accepted.after 3 days.. he would repeat the same scenario over and over again… it was tiring…
there are many times i tried to broke up with him.. but he warned me that if i will leave him, he would pose my “PRIVATE” photos and videos in the internet and would make sure my family will see it… or he will kill himself and would make sure i would suffer for life.. terryfying right? that’s why i always follow his words because im afraid… at first i thought i love him, but as years goes by i realized im not REALLY happy anymore and he’s controlling me like a robot. i would cry almost every night.
after 2 years, i got pregnant at 18… i was depressed.. my parents don’t like him for me and his parents don’t like me either. THEN I BROKE UP WITH HIM. i don’t care no matter what it takes.it’s a life changing decision.. i’m happier now together with my son and my family…
although he’s a nightmare in my life, im thanking him for making me stronger, for teaching me to be patient for giving me such an angel….my son…
Everytime i reminisce all the sufferings i had when we wer still together. i just laugh it out. i can’t imagine how stupid i was before.. i realized that im a new person now. i love myself more and much happier.
I don’t deserve someone who would call me a bitch in shallow reasons… i deserve to be happy and free and that’s what i got…. with my one true love… my son….
>glitter
Hi Bo! I just want to share how I ended a bad relationship. I was married thru civil rights in 2001 with a man I barely knew. I learned after marriage that he was into some form of addiction that caused our everyday life to become like living in hell. We lost our love and peace at home and there was only distrust, betrayal, unfaithfulness, hatred, anger, resentfulness… name all the negative emotions and we have experienced it all in 6 years that started on our very first day as man and wife. We tried counseling, trial separation, consultation, etc. to repair our relatioship but everything just didn’t work.
During the lowest point in my life, with 2 sons and estranged from an irresponsible husband, I turned to God and asked for His guidance and direct intervention, specifically to change my husband. After 6 months of not seeing each other, we finally agreed to try it one more time and ‘Praise the Lord!’ my husband was able to turn back from his old ways and I also changed my ways. From then on, a bad relationship had ended, and a good one started. Now we have a new baby and a peaceful family.
I\’m glad to have come open this blog/article since I am presently in an unhealthy relationship. We started off as acquaintances, seeing each other occasionally since we are into the same activity. Our community is small and almost everybody knows everybody. After spending some time together, we eventually had each others\’ contact numbers. He started texting me and we were mildly flirting through text. I know he liked me and I liked him too. At an event one night we saw each other and ended up spending the rest of the time together. I felt so happy at that time. The \”kilig\” parts of the relationship. Syempre para kang lumilipad sa hangin. Next day he confessed that he has a girlfriend. ARAY KO, diba? I decided not to text him again after I gave him a reply na HAHAHAHA! Just so to keep my dignity and make feel that it didn\’t matter at all. But still, he insisted. Sana daw wag akong umalis sa tabi nya. Masaya sya na kasama nya ko. I gave in and eventually, we were officially together and he broke up with his girlfriend of a month at that time. The first part of the relationship was a blast. We\’d go to parties together, go out of town together, until I noticed that everytime I was TOO happy, he looked kinda irritated. He didn\’t like the way I laughed. Masyado daw malakas. So I changed that for him. But that was just the beginning. He is insecure and carries a baggage from a past relationship na pati ako bumitbit. Eventually, lahat ng naging kaibigan naming lalaki pinag selosan nya. He would laugh it off the next day, but if I got close to a guy friend of ours again, he would turn weird and ignore me for the rest of night hanggang mag aaway na kami. It made me feel bad since I tried to do everything just so he won\’t get mad or feel any jealousy. I cut all my connections with all of our guy friends. I lost contact with all of them. Yes, I gave up all of my friends, including the girls and just had him to rely on for happiness. Basta kaming dalawa lang, walang problema. Basta walang ibang lalaking mapag uusapan, at wala akong matignan na medyo matagal na lalaki kung lalabas kami minsan. I know that I am a faithful woman, since this is not my first relationship. But after all the fights that we had, I felt like I was a slut. A big flirt. Though in my heart I know its not true. I guess when its being said to you over and over you yourself begin to believe it. The relationship became destructive for the two of us. All my time was devoted to him. All my efforts was for me to see that I made him happy and secure. Kala ko kaya ko sya tulungan with his insecurities. I felt that I had to take care of him. Since it was destructive, I too lost my patience and temper on him. If a fight would start I would just start screaming on top of lungs till my throat hurts and I even got to the point of hitting him. In fairness to him, he never hit me back. I felt that I had no other way of defending or fighting for myself from the harsh words he was telling me. It was that destructive. I became that much insecure and had no control of my temper and would go into fits of crying and screaming about why I always had to defend myself, my love for him and why can\’t he take it that I\’m a cheerful and sociable person. Everytime we would fight, ako din ang manunuyo. I would drive to his house, ask him why he wasn\’t answering my calls and he would say, sorry, napraning ako. I would understand and would just be too glad to have him back. I guess he got tired from all of it too, coz he asked for space. Minsan bigla na lang nyang hindi sasagutin mga tawag ko. Imagine, 50 missed calls ang inaabot sa fon nya minsan. Naging ganyan narin ako kakulit since sa kanya na nga lang umiikot ang mundo ko. Per minsan mahal na mahal nya ko. In reality, I don\’t know where I stand. Now he\’s having one of his\”i need space moments\” since he\’s also busy with work. Then I came across this article. And I\’m glad I did. I was crying while I was reading through it. I read all of the replies, would you believe? I called him just now. Guess what? After more than ten missed calls (i lost count) he didn\’t pick up. But I gathered up the courage to text him that I\’m ready and have decided to set him free. I know that he is not a bad person and that his pagiging seloso and possessive will see its end. But the deal here is, love doesn\’t have to make us suffer too long. In the process of helping him ( i thought i was helping him), I lost myself. I lost my self esteem and had low self worth. Now I have to find myself and love myself more. Learn to give myself what I am giving to my partner. I\’m praying to God that I can stand by this decision. That this may be the final one. God, let it be and let both of us move on. Brothers and Sisters, I ask for your prayers too and I\’m grateful to Bro. Bo and others who posted their stories. You just helped me end a chapter in my life.
I met this guy when I was looking for a job. I never had a boyfriend though I have few admirers but I was never courted. I also have a very low self-esteem. So when this cute guy asked for my number, I knew then that he had me. He had a girlfriend at that time and I appreciated that he was honest about it but I started avoiding him because of this. One thing that made me turned away from him was something he said on our first phone conversation… He wanted to be the father of my future children (not necessarily my future husband!). Remember, he had a gf at that time. His first girlfriend. I thought at that time, the naïve me, that it was sweet. But now I know that it was a statement of a jerk.
After 2 years, he reappeared again. This time, he said that he no longer had a gf. We went out on a date. I got infatuated again due to his boyish and shy looks. I accepted him to be my boyfriend. But I ended it after several days because again of his statements that I didn’t find appropriate. Call me prudish but he kept on giving out sexual innuendos. Technically, he was my first boyfriend so I really didn’t know if I was just over-reacting. I thought I made a wrong decision. But we were still sweet with each other and he still kept on saying that he loved me. Several days after I broke up with him, he stopped calling and texting me. Then I found out that he had a new gf.
I regretted my decision thinking that it was all my fault. I should have given him a chance. So I was so happy and excited when he started e-mailing me again 4 years after we first met. And why? You guess it right. His second gf for 2 years just ended. I told him that he treated me as if I’m his spare tire. He said that he changed for the better… that people mature. He also said that the reason why he kept on coming back to me was because he thinks that I’m the ONE. I believed him. I went out with him again and he shared many secrets about him. So this time, what I felt was no longer infatuation. It was love. We were not officially a couple but I loved him and he said he loved me too. We would make plans about our future. But I sensed that he couldn’t commit. I would ask him to go out with me but he would fail to appear several times. I was devastated. I began harboring the same feelings of self-pity. However when he asked for forgiveness, I still found myself accepting him back. I even went to the extent of justifying his deeds towards my family and friends. Then it happened again. He stopped calling, texting and e-mailing me for a month. I was lost. I loved him. How could he disappear just like that? I began to feel pathetic again. I cried like I never cried before. But behind those tears, I prayed to God for His enlightenment. So one day, I sent this guy an email stating that I need to talk to him. He said that he was hoping that I haven’t loved anyone else yet. He was asking for another chance. He was my first love. I was about to give in again. But with the grace and guidance of God, I made the best decision. I told him that I may have loved him but I could not stand the pain anymore. I deserve to be happy. A week after that conversation, I found out that he had a gf. He must already have a gf all the while he was asking for another chance. Talk about being a jerk!
It was a four-year merry-go-round experience with a person who cannot commit to me… a person who is a vicious liar… a person whom I loved. I’m praying to God that it was just a test for me… preparing me for the real “ONE” for me. It still hurts a lot because it just happened a few months ago. So I really appreciate the story of Marowe. Just like her, I kept on accepting this guy regardless of his misdemeanor. And just like her, I’ll eventually find my one true love as well. Praying.
4-4-4
Relationship with a Bum.
Relationship with a Person who can’t commit.
Relationship with a Verbal Abuser.
Relationship with an Emotional Abuser.
Relationship with a Physical Abuser.
Relationship with an Unfaithful Jerk.
I was in a 4 year relationship with a bum who couldn’t commit. (lethal combination huh? but it doesn’t end there) He was my college sweetheart. We attended university together and I thought that I had met the love of my life. At first it seemed so sweet that he would get up at 4:30 am just to get to my house at 5:30 to pick me up and we would commute together. It was cute until it became our way of life for 4 years. I couldn’t go anywhere without him, I was not allowed. He was in our house every single day, even during holidays and sundays. My dad used to kid me and say, “dito na kaya tumira yan?” Of course at that time, I felt offended.
Life with my college sweetheart took its turn for the worse when he started to curse me whenever we would fight. He would call me names and such and I’d get very hurt and cry myself to sleep. We broke up several times only to get back together again. I thought it was because I loved him that I couldn’t let him go. He was a sweet talker and knew how to “make ligaw” my whole family. I thought that “them” liking him would be enough for me to see past his filthy mouth. One of the times we decided to stop seeing each other to cool our heads, he had an affair I could not have imagined him doing. He had a one-night stand with one of his classmates in college. How did I ever find out? Well, his little sister, whom we was sharing his apartment with told me that he had a guest one night and she stayed in his room. So, I confronted my then boyfriend. He tried to lie his way out of the confrontation, but I persisted. He admitted to the deed and told me that it would never happen again, or so I thought.
He was 4 years older than me but we started the same year in college. He came from an international school abroad that’s why he was delayed. He failed most of his major subject when we reached 2nd year. By the time we got to 3rd year, he flunked out of school. So he justified his failure by saying to everyone that the course he took wasn’t the one he really wanted. (typical!) Rather, it was the course that his parents wanted. I coached him to talk seriously to his parents (who were abroad) to tell them what he truly wanted to take up for college. So he did. He started a 2-year computer course in one of the “prestigious” computer schools in the Philippines. By the time I graduated from college, he was not yet done with his 2-year course. I asked him what were our plans for the future. I wanted to build one with him you know?!? But, he couldn’t commit. He did not know what time-line to give me. He didn’t have a job, couldn’t finish college and was living off of his father’s money.
The final straw was finally drawn when one night we were in a heated argument on our way home from a party. He got so emotional about the fight and I got so fired up as well. He reached for the cellphone I was clutching in one hand and threw it directly on my face. It hit my lower lip hard and it bled profusely. He didn’t apologize immediately, which made me cry more. When he regained his sense of reason, re reached out for me and tried to hug me, but I ended up pushing him. That night I decided to break up with him. He couldn’t accept the break up. He hounded me for months. He visited our house almost everyday and always texted me to ask what I was doing.
Then I met my one true love.
I went to a friend’s birthday party one day. I was quietly sitting in a bar when my friend (who was the birthday celebrant) asked me if she could give my number to one of her bf’s friends who was asking for it. I asked her who he was in the crowd and she pointed at the direction of this creature who was looking at me smiling. I told her I would think about it. The night ended without me saying yes or no to this stranger’s request. The following day, I received a text from an anonymous texter. He introduced himself as the guy who was asking for my number during my friend’s party. I replied politely to his texts but felt rather uncomfortable. He finally asked me out for dinner after several weeks of flirting via SMS. I cancelled the dinner because I had cold feet and was unsure about dating after having ended my 4 year relationship several months earlier. I made up a lame excuse that I had an emergency meeting at the office. He quickly rescheduled a 2nd date 2 weeks after the 1st one was cancelled. Call it karma or fate, but I had a real emergency meeting at work that kept me well into the wee hours of the night. He quickly rescheduled for a 3rd date 2 weeks after. But karma hit again. (This is what I get for lying the first time) He was sent on a site inspection to one of their plants in Batangas (he’s an Engineer). He wasn’t sure if he would be able to return to Manila in time for our date. So, he cancelled. (Who ever said that 3s a charm?!?) So, he rescheduled our 4th date on September 20, 2002. We met up FINALLY that fateful night. We’ve been together ever since. We got engaged on January of 2003 and got married on April 4, 2004 (that’s 4-4-4). Btw, he’s 10 years older than me and we have different interests in life. But, somehow, I knew he was the one when he held my hand for the 1st time during our 4th 1st date. We have a 2 year old son and are expecting our second baby boy this coming December 2008. I was diagnosed to have a congenital disease which causes infertility back in 2004, but that’s another story.
Article: How Did You Get Out Of A Bad Relationship?
My once was thought love story was buried seven years ago. It took me that long to pick up the pieces and write it down here, so I hope it will shed some light to some who’s still on their journey to accepting where they are now.
My boyfriend and I we’re both first timers being in a relationship, so you can just imagine how very experimental that was. He courted me during my college days and turned him down trice, but his perseverance had not escaped my attention, and found my self developed in the process. After graduation he became my boyfriend (thinking that my strict father wouldn’t mind since I already graduated, it was pretty much scary having that thought) and we were inseparable ever since. He was the quiet, mysterious, and a romantic kind of guy that I adored. He would write me love letters and surprise me with things.
Unfortunately, that lasted only for 2 years, but the following years became different…If you know the song you don’t love me anymore by Weird Al Yankovic, it’s pretty much like that. When I had Bell’s palsy he would make jokes about me and laugh at me in front of his mother, which I accepted painfully but in silence. Of course it seemed funny because when I was smiling I looked like the Joker…only with the left side of my lips almost touching my ear…making the joker smile under rated (thankfully my face went back to normal). But it’s never the same when you’re dealing with it in reality. Or like when we were invited in a wedding and whisper to me that he was checking out a hot bride’s maid at the church, it’s typical but being a novice, it pretty much slipped off my “something must be wrong lists”.
Then clues to my already puzzled mind started coming out. One time, I checked his phone messages and found out that he was meeting girls via text, it just didn’t flourish because he said they were ugly (can you believe that!?!). Sadly, I let that slipped too. And then came to a conclusion (that he’s indeed a jerk) when he confessed he’s having an affair with a married woman.
After that revelation, it only left me dizzy so we had an on and off relationship. His wooing is one weakness of mine (remembering him singing a boy band song about giving another chance, aw! By the way, he has an amazing voice… It’s all so corny now!). So I fell for that too (yes I can hear now…”somebody hit this girl with a bat please!”). I was really weak in handling the situation because at that same time my parents were also undergoing a pit fall (figuratively speaking), so it affected me emotionally, spiritually, and physically because all the crying drained my energy! Oh, and my brother’s punching bag was very useful (I bet a broken hearted invented that!). Although, my friends were very patient listening to my whining, it was also very exhausting to hear my voice all the time (don’t get me wrong, my voice sounds good over the phone by the way…ahem)…that’s when I decided to help my self. So I prayed the rosary and each decade I asked for the strength and courage to break up with my boyfriend for good…and I did. It’s Funny how long it took to stop this exhausting experience and it was only solved with a sincere prayer.
Then I started searching the pieces that was lost in me …This includes:
1. Enrolling in short courses (five, to the max of my recollection—mostly included in the list which I’ve always dreamed doing but couldn’t at the time because I was so caught up scheduling my dates with my boyfriend).
2. Doing a lot of voluntary work (which has been a tremendous and fulfilling experience, a plan that is worth extending).
3. Going to the Gym (but dismissed the idea of renewing my membership after sensing that my gym instructor was hitting on me…feeling not ready for dates…oh and also terrified of the fact that every time he’s near me, I feel that he’s going to crush me with his bare hands! (I wonder how they grow their biceps!?!). How scary could that be?
4. And even seriously considering that God might want me to be a nun. After confiding with friends (most of them laughing hard, I really don’t know why) and Sisters, it wasn’t successful.
5. And also tried to patch things up with my siblings (I figured there’s too much weight of emotions that is draining me and thought it might help lessen my baggage if that happens) and decided to open up more and share my time with my family, which is hardly the case being in that relationship. And the hardest part, forgiving my father (of course my prayers were very helpful).
I also bought the book how to find my One True Love and was enlightened when I read “God’s will is your deepest desire”, at first it sounded crazy and impossible. How could your deepest desire even relate to God’s will? And then realized I put too much distance in my relationship with God. I forget that I am His child and He made me (according to his image), therefore the very core of my being comes from Him. And that’s when it hit me. It made sense that God’s will is indeed our deepest desire, we just thought that most of our superficial desires are of God’s will (that’s why we stumble and get hurt) but it’s not…it’s what’s really with in us. Sometimes it’s hidden from our hate, greed and false conception of who we really are, and that’s why we have to remove all that and find our selves…the original, that is (no extra salt, no sugar please!)
When we finally find ourselves, we can now see clearly that our will coincides with God’s will and the pain we once had from loving that person made us accomplished passion, strength, courage, patience and for some wisdom, that made us better persons…for us to also deserve someone better someday. And for that, we can say…we have truly loved.
I’m grateful that God has allowed me to feel pain that made me embrace my life more and appreciate my family, friends, the people around me and the simple things that comes my way. My life still need polishing but happiness is already here, and whether or not I bump at my “one true love” (which is of course an active process); I will be forever thankful to God for all my bitter sweet experiences.
Now, thinking about it…this was indeed a love story!
Sincerely,
Precious Stone