There was a young girl who had a problem with her temper. She would always shout and curse. So her parents gave her a hammer and a bag of nails. They said, “Every time you blow your temper, go out of the house and hammer a nail on our white picket fence.”
On the first day, she kept blowing up that she hammered thirty-seven nails on the white fence. But as the weeks went by, the number decreased as her outbursts lessened. The day came she could already control her temper. She was so happy.
Her parents said, “Congratulations, dear daughter. This is now what you need to do next: go out there and pull out all the nails that you hammered on the fence.” The three of them went out. The girl began to pull out the nails one by one. Then her mother asked, “Daughter, look at that fence. What do you see?”
“The nail marks have left holes,” the daughter replied.
The mother then imparted her lesson, “Your words sting. They leave a scar in the hearts of people.”
Friend, that’s the problem with our temper. We say painful words at the height of our emotions and they leave scars. Even if we’re sorry later on, they’ve already wounded the other person.
So, it’s much better not to speak painful words at all. Let me share with you the three steps you need to take to overcome your temper.
1. Identify Your Triggers
You know when you’ll blow up. You know when your emotions are getting out of control. Maybe you’re triggered when you’re frustrated or when you come home tired and stressed. Whatever it is, do this: Identify what triggers you to lose your temper so you can be prepared. If you see a monster coming, run away.
That monster is the uncontrolled temper that can hurt the people you love. It steals away your happiness, your relationships,and even destroys the people you care for the most.
2. Change States
When you feel your anger rising up, count one to ten before saying something. When your blood pressure rises and you’re about to blow up, change your state. You have more control than you think you have. What do you do to change your state? You can sing. You can take a walk. You can walk out of the room. You can pray and cry out to the Lord. You can dance.
I’m not kidding! That’s the way to change your state. You’ll realize that you were just in that emotional state that if you didn’t stop, you would be heading down a landslide of emotions.
3. Uproot the Roots
Uproot the deeper roots of your temper and rage. The reason you’re easily angry with other people is because—more often than not—you’re also angry with yourself. These are deeper roots that you can bring before the Lord and say, “God, come and heal the deep wounds of my heart.”
I also recommend that you go to counseling.
Speak with people who are wiser and stronger and who can constantly pray for you until you get healed.
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