You didn’t choose your parents. 

There was no audition in Heaven for “Parent Idol” where you got to choose your mother and father. There were no preliminary interviews for possible parents, no screening committee, no judges to help you evaluate, and no voting from potential children where you could text in your votes. Simon and Britney weren’t there to audition potential parents for you.

Instead, God chose you to be born in your family, with your set of imperfect parents, with your set of crazy siblings.

What kind of parenting did you receive? There’s good parenting and there’s bad parenting.  There are many ways to be a bad parent, but there’s only one way to be good…

I believe the type of parenting you received is the biggest factor that made you who you are today.  But even if your past wasn’t perfect, it was perfect for your purpose…

1. Punitive Parenting

If your parents practiced punitive parenting, then everyday was all about the Law. As a child, you woke up every morning feeling like you’ve done something wrong already–you just don’t know it yet. 

Punitive parenting produces two kinds of children. The first offspring is totally compliant, but lacks spontaneity, creativity, and independent thinking. I know a guy who was raised by the strictest parents on earth–and he has a difficult time taking risks. As an adult, he can’t make decisions on his own and wants other people to make decisions for him. 

The second offspring becomes a rebel. He can’t handle a job because he can’t work with any kind of authority figure.

And then there’s the opposite type of parenting…

2. Permissive Parenting

If your parents used permissive parenting, there were no Laws in the house. Or if there were, you wiggled your way out of them with impunity. And if you broke the Law of your school or of the country, your parents always defended you, always rescued you, always paid your debts, always paid your bail, and told you, “The teacher doesn’t understand you; the Police doesn’t understand you; the Judge doesn’t understand you…” Sadly, permissive parenting can produce criminals.

3. Poisonous Parenting

If your parents used poisonous parenting, then everyday, you were criticized, belittled, ridiculed, and embarrassed. Poisonous parenting produces small people who have low self-esteem. And even when your parents have long been buried under the grave, you will still hear their criticism in your minds for the rest of your life.

4. Positive Parenting

       In positive parenting, the parents believe in the innate goodness in their children and think, speak, and act out from this powerful belief. They express their love everyday. But they also discipline them by allowing their kids to experience the bad consequences of their decisions. In other words, they let reality be their teacher. Ultimately, it’s Positive Parenting that makes everything work.

God Is Still Your Father

       How many people actually experienced purely positive parenting? Very few.

Most of us experienced all of the above at one point or another–punitive, permissive, poisonous, and positive. Because our parents weren’t perfect.

I repeat what I said earlier: I believe the type of parenting you received is the biggest factor that made you who you are today. But let me qualify. It’s not the parenting itself that shaped you, but HOW YOU RESPONDED to your parenting that made you who you are today.

But I speak from a human level. In a supernatural level, I’ve seen God transform people’s lives, no matter what upbringing they’ve experienced. I’ve met phenomenal human beings who were raised by monsters. Yes, miracles do happen.

I repeat: Your past wasn’t perfect, but it was perfect for your purpose. Even if the parenting you received was bad parenting, God will use that bad parenting for your good purpose. 

You may have been abused by immature, self-absorbed, cruel, narcissistic, parents. But do not lose hope. The Psalmist says, Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. (Psalms 27:10)

God will heal your wounds and fill your heart with love. He says in the Bible, Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! (Isaiah 49:15)

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

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