I was in a meeting, and one of the attendees was a woman who was in a bad mood. She was being disrespectful, angry, and nasty. At the end of the meeting, I approached her and asked, “Hey, what’s wrong? What can I do? You were really disrespectful to the other attendees.”

She said, “Oh, this is me. I’m always like this. I show my feelings. What you see is what you get. I’m always emotionally honest.”

Being emotionally honest is good, but at the right time, to the right people, and in specific places. It’s OK to be vulnerable to the people you trust and who love you. But not twenty-four hours a day. That’s not being emotionally honest. In fact, that’s unloving, rude, and disrespectful.

Authenticity is powerful. When you are authentic, you are like a magnet. People will be attracted to you because you’re real and sincere, and you give them permission to also be broken and wounded. Authenticity is moral honesty.

Let me share my story.

When I was in my twenties, I stood in front of the whole prayer group and told everybody I was addicted to porn, which was rooted in being molested as a child. People were shocked at my sharing. I was their leader, for crying out loud. I told them, “Hey, guys, if you lose respect for me, you can go and transfer to another prayer group. Because this is your leader—broken.”

I was being honest. I added, “I want you to know I’m in the healing process, so please pray for me.”

And their response was beautiful. The love and outpouring of mercy and forgiveness I received from my friends were amazing.

But I also received negative reactions. I wrote about my story in a book, and a leader of another prayer group told me, “Bo, you shouldn’t have told us anymore about your dark secret. We will lose our respect for you.”

But he was wrong.

Being authentic, sharing my vulnerability or brokenness, and asking for help was the best thing I ever did. Not only did I heal. Other people got healed as well.

In psychology, they call this The Johari Window. It has four useful quadrants:

1. Quadrant number one is stuff about you that you and other people know.
It’s open knowledge.

For example, I’m a preacher. I know that. You know that. I’m a writer. I know that. You know that. I’m good-looking. I know that. You kind of know it right now. I’m just kidding.

2. Quadrant two is secrets—stuff about me that only I know but other people don’t know.

If you have something like that, I pray that you confess it to a small group of trusted friends. Just one, two, or three people.

In the Catholic faith, we have priests who minister the sacrament of reconciliation. You can go to confession and tell another human being. I love saying this: Sin, in the dark, multiplies. But if you expose it to the light, it shrinks and shrivels up.

I know of an apologist who was popular, brilliant, a defender of the faith, and a great Bible teacher. But he was hiding something:

He abused women. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. I could have been that person if I hadn’t exposed my addiction and confessed my sin.

3. Quadrant three is stuff about you that you do not know but other people know.

They’re called blind spots. The solution is to go to your trusted friends and ask them, “What are my blind spots? What do you see about me that I don’t? What are my weaknesses, brokenness, and woundedness that I’m unaware of?”

I’ll give you an example. Early on in our marriage, my wife straightaway told me, “Bo, your weakness is you don’t confront people. Somebody needs to be confronted, but you don’t do it.”

I kind of knew this already, so maybe it’s not a blind spot. But there are times when I just deny I have this weakness. So, I needed my wife to tell me that.

4. Quadrant four is stuff about you that you and other people don’t know.

It’s a mystery. And the solution is to go to God because He knows you.

P.S. If your spirit has been whispering for a break, listen.

Join me for this beautiful 16-Day “Traveling Retreat” in Europe.

I’ll take you to Fatima and Lourdes, two of the most miraculous places in the planet. We’ll also go to Banneux and Beauraing and La Salette—all Marian apparition sites. We’ll also Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal.

Just click here to learn more: bosanchez.ph/pilgrims