Stop Trying To Fix People
You know what our monstrous mistake is?
We try to fix the people in our life.
Oh, I see it everywhere.
Everywhere I go, I see people complain about the people in their life.
Wives complain about their husbands.
“Bo, please talk to my husband. He eats too much.”
“Bo, can you help me? My husband watches too much TV.”
One frustrated wife told me, “Bo, please advice my husband. He doesn’t have a one romantic bone in his body. Last year, he gave me a bar of soap for Valentines Day. The brand? Mr. Clean.”
But husbands complain about their wives too.
“Bo, please talk to my wife. She’s gastadora.”
“Bo, help me with my wife. My wife is always hysterical and historical. She remembers all my past mistakes, including date, time, and place.”
One husband told me, “My wife is so talkative. If the universe paid 1 centavo for every word she said, I’ll be the richest man in the world today.”
Another man said, “My wife is always angry. When she’s angry, she causes global warming and the melting of the ice caps in the North Pole.”
Parents complain about their kids too.
“My kids are too messy.”
“My kids can’t focus on their studies.”
One mother said, “My kids are so lazy. If given a chance, they’ll ask someone to breathe for them.”
And everywhere I go, I also hear many kids ask me to fix their parents.
“My parents are too strict.”
“My parents are too corny.”
“My parents are too kuripot.”
One girl told me, “They allow me to swim only if I wear a long gown.”
All over the world, people want to fix people.
Let me tell you why…
Are You Sick Of Comparasonities?
First of all, you want to fix people because you love them.
But sometimes, our motives aren’t pure. Sometimes, we want to fix our loved ones because of shame. We’re ashamed of what other people will say about our kids, our siblings, our spouses, and our parents.
Another reason of our “fixing other people” tendencies is we’re afflicted with the disease called comparisonities.
Humans like to look to the other side of the fence to see if it’s greener.
Someone told me that marriage is like going to a restaurant. After you ordered your dish, you learn what the other table ordered, and suddenly regret what you ordered.
Believe me, this urge to compare causes so much misery in marriages.
If you always compare your wife’s body with Beyonce or Angel Locsin, she can’t compete. Or if you compare your husband’s salary with Manny Paquiao’s earnings, he can’t compete.
Many times, we compare our spouse to someone who doesn’t exist. For example, we fantasize about Hollywood stars who aren’t real. Because all their blemishes were removed by photoshop and a huge PR company.
Even the pretty officemate who seems so gorgeous on the outside may actually be your worst nightmare the moment you live with her. You really don’t fall in love with her. You fall in love with a projection of how you imagine her to be.
Even parents are guilty of this.
Motivate Your Kids In Other Ways
We have a tendency to compare our kids with other kids.
We even verbally share our comparisons in the hopes of motivating him.
I overheard one mother tell her little boy, “Junior, why can’t you get good grades like your sister? She gets straight A’s in all subjects. But you’re highest grades are Recess and Lunch.”
Parents compare their kids to their classmates, their cousins, and even to themselves when they were young. Their sermons begin with this famous line: “When I was young, I wasn’t like you…”
Kids cannot flourish in an environment where they are being judged. Kids flourish in an environment of appreciation. They need to know that their parents accept them for their uniqueness.
Parents, stop comparing!
And there’s also another disease that causes us to fix people.
The Virus of Criticalities
I’ve met people who have a strong critical spirit in them.
I pity them so much. Once afflicted, they become very miserable people.
These people think God created them to criticize others. All day long, they look for the faults of the people around them.
But behind this critical spirit towards others is really a critical spirit toward oneself. In fact, the critic pulls down others so that he can hide his own failures.
Let me now tell you what you should do.
Question: Do You Want Less Stress and More Joy?
Do you want less stress in your relationships?
Do you want less fights?
Do you want less wrinkles?
Do you want more joy?
My solution is really simple: Stop trying to fix others.
Big clarification: In my message today, I’m not talking about the big sins. Like marital abuse, alcoholism, adultery, and all the other major violations against the Ten Commandments. I’m also not talking about tolerating the sins of your kids. I’m not teaching you to say, “Wow son, you’re very good in stealing. Perhaps you can be a Congressman one day.” (I’ll talk on “tough love” on the sixth instalment of this series, Relationship Reborn.)
Today, I’m talking about idiosyncrasies, eccentricities, personalities, and persuasions that make your loved one very unique.
If you’re not going to fix people, what should you do?
Appreciate them.
I’ll now explain a mystery.
What You Like And What You Don’t Like
Maybe One And The Same Thing
I have mixed feelings about my cellphone.
My relationship with my phone is ambivalent.
I like it and I don’t like it.
There are days when I think it’s the greatest invention since peanut butter. And there are days when I want to fling it into the mouth of a volcano.
Here’s what I noticed: The very features that I like are the very same features that I don’t like. Absurd but true.
Why do I like my phone? I like the fact that I can call up the 954 people in my phone directory anytime. Useful when I have a flat tire, when I need a prayer, or when I’m on the rooftop because of Typhoon Ondoy.
Why do I not like my phone? I don’t like the fact that these 954 people can call me up at anytime—even when I’m lying on a hammock in a tiny island far out in the Pacific Ocean.
Why do I like my phone? Because I can bring it everywhere I go.
Why do I not like my phone? Because I can bring it everywhere I go!
Question: Have you ever had the absurd experience of leaving your cellphone at home and having to make a U-turn to come back for it? Nuts, right? Cellphones are now like one of our kidneys. You can still survive if it gets lost, but it’ll be risky.
I repeat: The very things that I like are the very same things that I don’t like.
Funny, but this is also true with our relationships…
Why Did You Fall In Love?
Don’t be shocked, but the very thing that made you crazy for a person will be the very same thing that will drive you crazy in the years to come.
I’m not kidding.
If you fell in love with your wife because she was bubbly and the life of the party, today, you want to zip her mouth so that there would be world peace.
If you fell in love with your husband because he was quiet, strong, and steady as a rock, today, you want to curse him for being so cold and unresponsive—like you’re talking to a rock.
If you fell in love with your wife because of her stunning beauty, today, you find yourself pulling your hair in the car, waiting for her because she takes 3 hours just to dress up and put on her make-up.
Remember: Every strength has a weakness.
My friend Jon Escoto says that “a weakness is really a strength applied inappropriately.” (As another friend loves to say, “You’re right in the wrong way!”) You can’t have only one side of the coin. You have to have both.
Why My Wife Married Me
One day, I had a very serious talk with my wife.
“Sweetheart, I want you to be completely honest with me,” I said to her. “Aside from the fact that I look like John Loyd and Piolo Pascual put together, what else made you marry me?”
After laughing out loud and rolling on the floor, she finally said, “Sorry Bo, your looks weren’t the reason why I married you. I married you because you have such a big heart for God.”
But I bet if you ask her today, “Marowe, what are the difficulties of being married to Bo?” she’ll tell you, “Because Bo has such a big heart for God!”
She will explain to you, “Our schedule isn’t normal. Our entire married life isn’t normal. Bo runs 9 non-profit organizations. He’s constantly stretched. He travels a lot.” She’s accepted that as her lot in life.
Here’s something she’s also accepted: When we have our weekly dates, she already expects it to be interrupted. Many times, a total stranger would approach me, cry on my shoulder, and ask for prayer. In the middle of the busy mall, I hold an instant mini-healing rally—because the moment people see me praying for one person, people fall in line.
She’s come to accept this reality as part of the set package called Bo Sanchez.
She’s accepted the fact that when she married me, she also married the people I love—the flock I care for.
Why am I telling you all these?
Stop Trying To Fix People
To repeat my million-dollar point: If you want to have happy relationships, you’ll have to stop trying to fix people and start appreciating them.
Jesus said, “Love your neighbor”; He didn’t say, “Fix your neighbor.”
Two reasons why you need to stop fixing people.
First, you can’t.
Second, I’ve realized that people are like old houses. If one thing gets fixed, another thing gets broken.
Let me tell you what I mean by appreciate.
Two Levels Of Acceptance
The first level of acceptance is tolerance.
The second level is appreciation.
Let me tell you a story.
Jean came up to me one day and said, “Bo, can I share something with you? My story might help women you talk to.”
Jean said that her husband is addicted to watching basketball. She told me that it drove her insane. “Brother Bo, there was a time when his passion for watching basketball made me so angry. I would nag him, I would throw pots and pans in his direction, I would hide the TV remote control—just so he can’t watch.”
She told him, “I think basketball has become your god. And the churches you attend are NBA, PBA, PBL, NCAA, and UAAP. All you talk about is basketball.” And her husband would answer back, “Foul yan.”
“But after a couple of years,” Jean said, “I just gave up. I realized that nothing was going to happen. That he will never change.”
That was the day when Jean began to tolerate her husband’s passion for basketball. Whenever she saw him sitting in front of the TV watching a game, she felt less irritation in her heart.
But one day, Jean had a bigger epiphany.
That fateful morning, Jean’s best friend called her up crying hysterically on the phone. Through many tears, she said that she discovered her husband was having an affair. After an hour of trying to comfort her, Jean’s friend said, “I wish my husband was like your husband, Jean—so faithful to you.”
That one sentence was like a slap on her face.
She woke up.
Jean realized she was blind to the great blessing that her husband was to her.
Because she was so focused on his basketball addiction, she never appreciated how faithful her husband was to her.
She also began to count the many ways he was a wonderful husband: He was hard-working, he loved the kids, he went with her to her prayer meetings, and he was sweet in his own manly, clumsy way.
Today, she sometimes joins him watching basketball.
She still doesn’t appreciate the game. She told her husband once, “Why don’t they just give one ball to each team?” But she enjoys being with her wonderful husband now.
That day, Jean moved from tolerance to appreciation.
And that was the day her marriage became very happy.
Are You A Judge Or A Painter?
What I’m sharing with you is so earth-shaking, I should be charging you a million for divulging this secret to you.
Believe me, if you apply this secret into your life, you will change your entire life—radically. You’ll have less stress. You’ll have less fights. You’ll have more peace. You’ll be more joyful. You’ll feel and look younger by ten years.
It was Dr. James Dobson who said that before you get married, you should have both eyes wide open. But after the marriage ceremony, close one eye.
What does he mean? Before you get married, you should be very careful in evaluating your future spouse. Check everything. Values. Background. Preferences. Reactions. Beliefs. Examine everything!
But when you get married, stop evaluating. Stop critiquing.
It’s now time to stop fixing the other person and start appreciating the entire person in his totality.
Remove the robes of the courtroom judge. Instead, put on the robes of a painter capturing the beauty of a scene. An artist simply accepts what is and nurtures a gratitude for what is there.
When you accept the other person and become grateful for him, a great miracle happens: The person learns to accept himself too and thus bring healing of his Heart Wound. Changes begin to take place spontaneously.
You can never fix anyone.
Because fixing is an inside job. Never forced from the outside.
Yes, you should inspire. You should guide. You should teach. But you cannot force.
At the end of the day, the only thing you can do is to love the person by creating space for the other person to fix himself.
Your Assignment
One of the ways to show gratitude is to simply to say it.
Here’s your assignment for this session: Go to 1, 2, or 3 people in your life and thank them for the blessing that they are to you.
Be specific. Write them a letter of gratitude.
Thank your wife for the small things she does for you.
Thank your husband for going to work everyday.
Thank your mother for the way she serves you.
Thank your child for being a wonderful child.
The next time a loved one presses your clothes, or takes out the trash, or fixes the car, or takes care of the baby, appreciate them in your heart and in your words.
I promise: Gratitude will be like oil in the engine of your relationship.
Your relationship will function in a whole new level.
Final Story:
“I Love The Perfection Of Your Imperfections.”
Let me end with one of my favorite stories.
One day, a wife came to her husband with a magazine in her hand, “Darling, this article is wonderful. It describes a little activity that we can both do to improve our marriage. Can we do it together?”
“Sure,” her husband said.
“It says here that for one day, each of us will separately write a list of what areas we want the other to change. Little annoyances, little irritations, etc. And then tomorrow, we share this list to each other. Deal?”
“Deal!” the husband smiled.
That day, the man sat on the living room with paper and hand. The wife went to the bedroom and did the same thing.
The next day, over breakfast, the wife said, “Game? Can I start first?”
“Yes,” the husband said.
The wife pulled out three pages. Single spaced. Font 8. It was a long list. She began to read her list. “Darling, I don’t like it when you do this…” On and on, she read the little ways her husbands annoyed her.
The man felt a sting in his heart. The wife noticed this and asked, “Do you want me to continue?”
“I can handle it. Go on,” the man said.
So the wife continued to read.
Finally, the woman said, “Okay, it’s your turn.”
The husband pulled out his piece of paper and said, “Yesterday, I asked the question what are the changes I want in you. But hard as I tried to think, I couldn’t think of one thing.” He then showed to her the empty piece of paper in his hand. “Because to me, you’re perfect in your imperfections. I’ve accepted who you are—strengths and weaknesses. And I love the whole package. I love the mix. You are a wonderful person and I love you so much.”
The wife began to sob, rolled up her three pages in her hand, and beat her husband on the head, “Bwiset ka!” And hugged him tight for a very long time.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Do you need more spiritual nourishment? You can get a mountain load of it when you join our international, virtual, non-physical community called www.KerygmaFamily.com To receive this spiritual nourishment, log on at www.KerygmaFamily.com
PS2. My newest book is almost out, How To Turn Thoughts Into Things. As an author, I need to tell you that there’s something very special about this book. I know it’ll change the lives of many people. The book will be available in all the major bookstores around the Philippines very soon. (By the way, I’m giving away the Ebook version to all my TrulyRichClub and GodWhispersClub members.)
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Awww.. This is so true! It made me laugh and cry at the same time! Thank you and God bless you Bro. Bo! =)
i’ve learned another inspiring lesson today Bro. Bo! Tinamaan ako ng husto. Thanks a lot, mabuhay ka.. God bless!
I love it! I wasn’t able to go to the Feast yesterday, but thanks to this weekly letter I get updated with the series. I agree with you Bro. Bo, we’ll have to accept the unacceptable. We can’t fix things. I can’t fix my dad. I can’t fix my youngest brother. I can’t fix my younger sister. I can’t fix the man I am dating right now. But I can love the perfection of their imperfections. Thanks Bro. Bo!
thank you so much ……… Bo
you make me cry and laugh but honestly ive learned a lot when it comes to a relationships…
i have to accept and love him as what he is.. accept all the imperfections..
thank gain Bo for the enligtenment…
God bless u Bo always and ur family… :))
thank you Bo
another inspiring article
and just in time, it helps me to see what im facing now much clearer….
God bless
being imperfect makes us perfect!.. enjoy it!
thanks Bo u rock!..
Dear Bo,
Thanks for this..am following your session and doing the assignment. But no positive response yet but I don’t worry because I know it will come. Thanks
God bless!
Roselle
But how can you not react when you’re continually abused? You can’t turn the other cheek forever. Self-defense is a virtue. There is a limit to forgiveness. 70*7 IS 490.
I am touch and I really like your teachings… Tinamaan talaga ako, pero it’s not too late, baguhin ko style ko sa family ko. Thank you Bro Bo.
Thank you Bro Bo for this very inspiring article!
This has helped me more realized how important my relationship with my loved ones is. It gives me more meaning about total acceptance. And that’s what true love is.
God bless!
Wow!!! all of it was true…Thanks Bro Bo!!! You’re truly an inspiration to us…
Just loved this article! So timely, so well written.
God bless you Bo!
awwww…. so sweet. I hope i can find someone na i can accept everything about him and just appreciate it. nakakasira kc ng relasyon ung pagiging mareklamo.
based on experience, at ako ung mareklamo… hehe
still got a lot to learn,,,
thanks bro bo!
wow! practical tips for a Happy Married Life…i badly needed this…Tnx much Bro Bo…very timely… I read this in the midst of a boiling marriage turmoil….then felt light and enlightened afterwards…You are heaven sent indeed!
Perfect! That’s what we need today… Very timely! What a stunning observation! Laughably true!
Ang galing mo, Bro. Bo!
salamat sa mga magagandandang aral na ibinahagi mo .mabuhay ka kuya bo.
Hi Bro. Bo,
This is such a very beautiful stories that I have read because aside from the fact that it is very inspiring and learning.
Thanks a lot!
thank you Bro.Bo for opening my eyes! God bless you
I seldom finish your articles especially the lengthy ones. But this one, I did. It was as if you knew me and and my ways. Truly an eye and “heart” opener for me.
God bless you always!
Salamat!
though i believe that what you wrote is true, at what point do we apply (2Ti 2:25) “… who is gentle as you correct your opponents, for it may be that God will give them the opportunity to repent and come to know the truth.”? i gets confusing sometimes. thanks. God bless…
being a teacher, i sometimes fix my students..
i now realized that I can never fix anyone.
Because fixing is my inside job. I can never fix from the outside.
i like your words…
“Yes, you should inspire. You should guide. You should teach. But you cannot force.
At the end of the day, the only thing you can do is to love the person by creating space for the other person to fix himself….”
Bro Bo,
Thank you very much for this great article… It brings me decernment.. I’ve learned a lot…. God is really Good through this I will be able to handle my current anxiety… God Bless You as Always.
Wow, Bro. Bo, very inspiring! Nakakatuwang basahin at the same time totoong totoo, I am one of those who are trying to fix people around me and this article help me to learn to be more loving and appreciative. Thanks for your untiring support to us through your articles.
God bless and long live!
That was what i’ve been doing before in my life, but now that i’m with the Lord and at His service, i’ve come to realize that i cannot really change my husband’s lifestyle since his bachelor’s days. And that is when i feel peace and love in my heart. The more l become true to myself, contented, and appreciate the little things that before were meaningless to me. Thanks for the inspirations that you’re giving to people. You’re a God-sent angel, Bo
dear Bo
thanks for this article. my husband loves basketball shows so much, now i wont complain anymore. I know now how blessed I am having a loving and faithful mate. God bless u:
thank you so much for this very enlightening article..it hit me like lightning and taught me a lot especially in my married life…this is exactly what I am experiencing lately…and I thank God for speaking to me through your articles…to god be the glory!!!!
i agree! =)
Bro Bo,
You’re awesome!!!……I really appreciate this one! It strikes me to the heart. God Bless!!
it’s so inspiring Bro. Bo, thanks for enlightening me! God bless us always….
Bro. Bo, this really made me cry, especially your last story…made me really realize how lucky I am to have my husband! Thanks for reminding me! God bless you! ^_^
Thanks for the nice stories and the messages. Now I know I’m lucky to have my husband.
ngppsalamat po ako sa Panginoon n ngbgay sa inyo ng karunungan upang ipmahagi ang ganito kahalagang mensahe sa mga tao..Nawa’y lubos pa kayong pgpalain ng ating Diyos.
Before I read this article, i was so down about myself. I felt so disappointed because I can’t be satisfied with myself. I’m always comparing myself to the someone and I always end up thinking that they are better than me and I end up thinking that I’m a loser and I can’t win with them.
I realized that I’m a critic to my own self and I should stop comparing and start accepting. My relationship with my girlfriend is being affected because of this attitude and I think I need to do something like this.
Thanks Bo. Now, I feel a little better
hi bro. Bo,
wow sobrang inspiring hehehe at nakaka relate ako ngayon sa article mo, kc ganyan din akong wife sa husband ko tulad ako ng final story mo, masyado akong naka focus sa mga negative side ng husband ko, hindi ko nkikita na sobrang blessed ko having him in my life.. Thanks Bo God Bless you…
Joana M. Duka
Hi Bo!
God bless you for the inspiration and guidance that you give to everyone…it is also an affirmation to my ideas and way of life…keep on!
Thank you for reaching out….
Only broken things need fixing. If you try to fix someone, it’s just another way of saying you think he or she is out of order. And I can’t imagine anything more hurtful than that.
Thanks for the inspiring and enlightening article, Bo
Bravo, Bro-Bo!
@ Anna, you’re right!
Bo, thanks for being a blessing.
this is very timely for me!
God is really working His ways…
Thank you!
A great read to share to others!
God bless Bro. Bo!
Nice! thanks Bo for yet another insightful and inspiring story.
this answers my problem…..(my prob for almost 10yrs)!!!
i always want to fix my hubby and i kept on asking why?….but now, you answer everything bo…..you’re really God’s gift to everyone…God bless you and your family always…..
grabe! i really enjoyed reading this article of yours! everything is real! tinamaan ako ng husto…really inspiring, Bo! More power and God Bless you more!
thank you Bro. Bo! napag-isip-isip ko…tama ka nga…the thing that annoys us is the very same thing that we liked about the other person…hehe…
Bro. Bo, let me share this through my facebook account ha? okay lang po ba? =)
God bless and more blessings to you and your big family! =)
Amen and amen! The moment I moved to appreciation my life has changed dramatically. And so I continue with this journey. Sometimes I still fall but I am getting better. Praise God! Thanks for a beautiful inspirational reminder to be grateful for the people in our lives.
This one really hit the spot Bo! Thanks. Indeed, this reminds us to “Love others for who they are, not for what we hope them to be.” It is very easy to pinpoint flaws and the shortcomings of the people around us. But at the end of the day, those pinpointing are just reflections of how inadequate we feel about ourselves….projections of how we wish things are….and shadows of our disappointments about ourselves.
Change is good, if it’s for the better. But change is not something that is forced. It really is an inside job. And we can only hope to get these “pluses” from the people we want to change, if ever they changed. But then again, accepting them and celebrating their wonderfully unique imperfections can liberate us big time, and make us accept more of our ourselves.
Thanks and more power! =) God bless you!
how to share this on facebook? please teach me…thanks
bo,
you’re such a wonderful blessing to people who needs enlightenment….God bless u and your family as well..
Bro Bo napaiyak mo ko… ang ganda ganda ng article mo today..I’m so thankful na nag join ako sa inyo. kc napaka swerte ko na every day na mag open ako ng e mail ko na galing sayo kumpleto na ang buong araw ko. lalo na today sobrang blessed ako. Thanks Bro. Bo sa magandang message mo. Mabuhay ka!!!!
Hi Bo, i have good news for you, god has answer to my prayers that the wedding of my sister rose and bro-in-law Jerico will be this weekend, rose and jerico has come home last sunday from the us via hong kong ,
pls pray for us so that the wedding will be a success
Amen!!!
Peace bro Bro! How can birds of not the same feather flock together? In any kind of a relationship, both parties need to adjust to each other, not only one side, for both to have a peaceful, happy and inspiring relationship. Nakakasawa din naman kun isang side lang ang palaging nag aadjust! Besides, it is our Xtian duty to correct our loved ones of their “negative world.” Who can afford to be passive if all we see and hear day in and day out are negative things in life? Thanks to your inspiring article. It helps me to understand more others and myself. God bless
Will, on October 19th, 2009 at 7:49 pm Said:
But how can you not react when you’re continually abused? You can’t turn the other cheek forever. Self-defense is a virtue. There is a limit to forgiveness. 70*7 IS 490.
Hi Will: please reread this paragraph from the article:
“Big clarification: In my message today, I’m not talking about the big sins. Like marital abuse, alcoholism, adultery, and all the other major violations against the Ten Commandments. I’m also not talking about tolerating the sins of your kids. I’m not teaching you to say, “Wow son, you’re very good in stealing. Perhaps you can be a Congressman one day.” (I’ll talk on “tough love” on the sixth instalment of this series, Relationship Reborn.) “
it really help me to understand myself more.. thanks Bo. . . keep it up.. god bless!!!
KAKAIYAK NAMAN BRO BO.. LALO NA UNG FINAL STORY MO.. KAKAGUILTY
BRO BO SANA NAMAN PWDE KA ULIT MA INVITE SA IBANG CHARISMATIC COMMUNITY… DATI GINAGAWA MO YAN DI BA? PAHINGI NAMAN NG KAUNTING TIME MO … SHARE TO OTHER COMMUNITY …. GRABE ANG ANOINTING MO…
GOD BLESS
KAKAIYAK NAMAN BRO BO.. LALO NA UNG FINAL STORY MO.. KAKAGUILTY
BRO BO SANA NAMAN PWDE KA ULIT MA INVITE SA IBANG CHARISMATIC COMMUNITY… DATI GINAGAWA MO YAN DI BA? PAHINGI NAMAN NG KAUNTING TIME MO … …. GRABE ANG ANOINTING MO…
GOD BLESS
This really strikes me.. thanks bro. Bo for the reminder. Keep inspiring people, Godbless!
hi Bro. Bo,
You’re right, every person has a unique attitude, you can never change him or her. Ganun ako dati ang daming complain about my husband but when i accept him what he is, i realized dami ko rin palang mali. Now, accepted ko na kung ano sya at ganon din siya our relationship works good. Acceptance is very important in our life kaya nga daming broken marriage dahil hindi nila ma acept na ang pinakasalan nila ay hindi tugma sa inaasahan nila. Ang point dun love each other, trust and accept what you are. God bless and more power..
This really strikes me.. thanks Bro. Bo for the reminder. Keep inspiring people, Godbless! =)
right on time, Bro. Bo! tnxs so much. . .More power! God bless you. . .
Thanks Bro. Bo for the inspiring message of yours! So touching and delightful. God bless and more power!
I’m happy to report that i have decided to stop fixing people months before I even read this article. I am a school counselor so “fixing” people is my “job” … or so i thought. Now that I’ve read this, I was affirmed by God through you Bro Bo and so I want to thank you so much. You see, it’s not easy for me to stop fixing people but I am now more convince to continue stopping because instead I want to do what you just wrote. I want to inspire, I want to guide, and I want to teach. Again thank you so much and May God protect your work/ministry because it helps a LOT of people. Including me. God bless you Brother Bo and all the people you love and work with you.
Hi Bo,
I like the story about the “The Husband who’s so addicted with Basketball”
I also have a husband who’s so addicted with his sports and games - video games, boxing and basketball
But like her i have now understand and accepted that i am too is lucky to have a husband that whose more focused on his family, sports and life rather than spending all his time outside…
God is really good.
hi bo,
i’ve accepted and tolerated my husbands flaws and shortcomings. i was the one paying all the bills, never asked money from him… he has his salary spent on himself and his sports alone…but he still left me in the end… ending our marriage by choosing the girl he’s having an affair with, because according to him “hindi ko sya ginagastusan”… it just doesn’t make sense…
“I love the perfection of your imperfections” Ahhh, such a good story. Thanks for sharing this Bo.
i like it. thank you so much. you’re always an angel…
Thanks Bo! You made my day…I’m looking forward to hear from your next inspirational thoughts. And I’m starting to take down notes..words and phrases from you that I can share to others…love in Christ…offie
hi bo. thank you for this wonderful article. it came at a very appropriate time when i’m thinking about how my relationship is going. i dont exactly think i’m changing my boyfriend, but i know in my head that i’ve been thinking how i wish things were different. and it feels very heavy. i need to learn to appreciate and accept more. thank you again and God bless you.
Hi Bro Bo,
first time i saw you in our GOOD GUYS event at one esplanade, you sure brought me your wisdom…
its as if your a walking saint.
all the best!
thanks a lot always….
hope you’ll not get tired of sending us wonderful learnings in life….
God is talking to us through you…
thanks a lot always….
Bro Bo,
Just what i needed here in the office, at home and in my relationship. Thank you so much. see you at the feast God Bless
Thank and regards,
Cromwell
awesome! sobrang galing!
Thanks for writing for us Bo!
thank you so much brother bo.. i’ve learned a lot from the beautiful and inspiring stories you’ve shared…
i had crystals in my eyes after reading this article especially on the last story about ‘i love the perfection of your imperfections’…thanks
Your article is so awakening Bro Bo! I melted out! THANKS A LOT & GOD BLESS YOU…
Hi Brother Bo, you are so true…i am like the wife in the last part. I fail to appreciate my husband, not to mention that he is also addicted to basketball.
But i will remember it now..tolerance, acceptance…I feel blessed reading the nourishment that you are sharing..God Bless you always..
Good mornig brother Bo! Thank you for another inspiring letter. God bless you more brother Bo.
It’s very beautiful. I’ve lost sight of what I have and you reminded me. Thank you so much po.
God bless
Wow…. Thanks Bro Bo…
It realy open my eyes..
GBU alwayz… ^^
Bro. Bo,
Your message has never been this perfect and exact. “Bull’s eye”, ika nga. Thanks a lot.
you have no idea how you’ve just changed my outlook in life
Thanks Bro. Bo, I will share this with my friends.
I will appreciate all the people around me more.
it hit me once, twice, thrice and counting … bull’s eye!
gosh bo, this entire article is so great! don’t you think you should have this published in all newspapers and magazines and books?
hey, why don’t you have a column in one of our leading newspapers? your articles would be very inspiring and helpful especially to those who don’t use computers.
go for it bo!
Yeah….I will print this and discuss all these things to my children and pupils. I’m not a perfectionist but sometimes,I do commit those bad things and damage my children’s ego…I like it…I learn to more humane and Christian-like in here…
Thanks…
Good Morning….i started my day reading your article. wheew! its very inspiring and you caught my full attention on your writings..grabe Bro Bo! youre so blessed God gave you the wisdom to blessed us also with your inspiring words….
Thank you for inspiring us…..
thanks bro bo
naiyak naman ako dun..natawa din! it hurts but it’s true. and i guess, by acceptance, it also means erasing fear from our hearts and living in the here and now. thanks, bro bo! am looking forward to another great time at The Feast
Thanks bro. bo…ganda! na-appreciate ko lalo ang hubby ko….God Bless!
thanks for another inspiring article. I’m just imagining the way you could get people’s attention, mind and thoughts through writings, how much more when we see you and hear your talks in person….God Bless!!!
bro bo it helps so much to me. thanks bro bo.
GODBLESS U
thanks bro Bo… it made me realize how blessed i am to have my family and in laws… despite of our imperfections.. these imperfections will build a perfect relationship for us… God Bless you! You keep us inspired!
I had to pause for a while today and focus on this. It’s very wonderful. Made me realize a lot of things. Made me smile and cry at the same time. No I don’t have a husband yet but then I’m currently in a very complicated relationship, if it’s even a relationship. I’ve learned so much Brother Bo, thank you for the continuous inspiration, honest words and learning. God bless you always.
I so like this post
thanks Bo 
God bless you and your family always!
i was very touched by your sample stories. my ex-husband (we’ve been separated for years now) and i may have lots of imperfections which i’ve learned to accept for so many years even before we got married but by keeping my other eyes closed and my lips mum, i’ve been subject to a lot of emotional abuse. my husband’s philandering would only stop for a while whenever i found it out and starts another illicit affair thereafter. eventually, finding out that he had already children outside our marriage (we also have children) finally made me decide to give him up.
i would like to know if my ex-husband’s case may be considered one of those imperfections that i should have considered?
=)) that last part was so funny!!!
Thanks Bro Bo. Thanks for reminding me to love. ^^
Thanks, Bro Bo for inspiring us….Mabuhay Ka!
God Bless!!!!
thanks bro bo.
i want to request for your advise on behalf of my friend. her other half is addicted to porn. she knew before they got married that he is into it but not how extreme it is. she’s asking him to give it up for her but he won’t budge. he would rather have divorce than give it up.
is it worth hanging onto?
a very timely one Bo… we’re talking about a friend’s situation a moment ago and just in time, i received this. i let her read this… hopefully this could help…
Bro Bo,
thanks so much for this. i was laughing all the way…and immediately renewed the love for people around me (some of them have criticalities virus)…i told myself that if life is food they are the pepper that make it far from dull…after reading this i sent a mesage to my husband who i tend to always criticize in my thoughts (because i don’t like to openly criticize him)…it is such a help to know that people are like cell phones as you’ve illustrated. what you like is also what you don’t like at different times.:) You are so much gifted, and i thank God for you…May the word of God always guide you..it is our mighty sword…i thank God for you also have examined well the heart of man…where changes should first take place before he change his outlook in life…This morning you’ve also touched my heart…Oh! to be used of God is such a joy. i can imagine how joyful you are now reading all these comments. More power to to you…and may you continue to be a light shining for God’s glory.
juliet
Hi Bo,
I never fail to read your articles even if it’s that long, haha kidding! Really sets me into a good, funny and inspiring mood everytime..
Keep it going!
Thanks, you’re such a blessing!
You know what, Bro. Bo, where do you get your insights in writing? Aside from keeping me holy, you’re really making me happy…Indeed, this article made me laugh…true enough! God bless!
Practical approach… very timely and inspiring
Thanks Bo,
GOD SPEED..
More power.. : )
It’s another heart warming article, thank you….
it is also an affirmation of what I currently do to my husband… i try to be with him in his boxing favorite… oh how he loves to watch Manny paquiao’s fights… buti na lang.
I do nag sometimes, i am not a perfect wife but at least i let him enjoy the little things he wants for himself…
He is a homebody and I love him for that. He gives his enough time for me and my daughter. True enough, when we get marry, let us close one eye for we have chosen the right one.
thank you for the everyday inspiration and encouragement you send us thru the net. you know how these makes our day…. more power! long live!
Hi Bro. Bo, your article really touched me…I now realize how important appreciation strengthens relationships…
God bless you & your family…
thanks for this Bro. Bo! its very timely for me… i’m having a tough time with my relationship right now. and this article made me realize a lot of things. my emotions blinded me from seeing all the blessings that i already have. thank you soooooo much!
thanks for reminding me the real meaning of love….
ouch bo!!!! bulls eye!
Sir Bo
Amazing! i am guilty of this.now i know what to do when this attitude strikes me.thanks!
God bless you more!
This is the realization everyone should know about.. Thank you Bo.. Very inspiring..
it is very inspiring, it open my eyes again that you cannot change the person but you should learned to love the imperfections of him….might as well talk it very seriously by us so that our relationship be strong…
Hi Bro Bo.
I look foolish crying at work… but I don’t care. Thank you so much for sharing your “enlightenments” to us. You are truly making this world a better place… for one, you are on your way to making better wives out of people like me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Weng
Hi Bro Bo,
Very inspiring.
Thanks a lot.
God Bless…
Hallo Bro Bo,
God really touched u to send this article exactly on time when i needed it the most.I´m married to a foreighner & is living now with Him in his country.Simply means,i´m away from my biological family.My family in the Phils just recently experienced a series of “calamities” in another sense of the word.That´s because just last week or a week before u posted this article,my dad was brought to the hospital because of having a hardtime breathing which later on diagnosed for Pneumonia plus high blood pressure plus high blood sugar.Then the following day,my brother was brought to another hospital because of an accident while practicing football as he is playing for the school´s varsity.It was like we have been hit by those 2 recent typhoons that hit the Phils.I´m thankful though that they had been safe from these typhoons as my family live in Cebu.But that was not all of it,my other brother who took the recent CPA board exam,his 3rd try,failed again.Now,it´s like the flooding or the landslide added farther up in Luzon area.I was doomed and felt helpless because for the moment i have been unemployed and don´t have money to send them for assisstance,my family has been struggling financially for years til now.Though i kept on praying and praying extra for their safety and recovery on this low moment,i can´t help feeling weak.I am starting to develop doubts with my man for i He did not confirm with me soon after i told him of my family´s misfortune if He is willing to extend financial help to them.I was crying most of the time but tried to not cry in front of my man as i don´t want to bother him so much about this coz i´m afraid it will just have a bad effect to our young relationship as a couple.(We are just as of the present 9months married.)I was doomed.He did noticed my sadness and tried to cheer me up every now and then during those first 3 days of miseries.Finally,on the 4th day,after dinner,He told me that he transferred money to my sister´s account for help.Then suddenly,the news came like a rainbow after the rain.Then later that evening,i openned my mail and recieved this article from u.Now,i can say my prayers were answered just in time…now,my doubts and confusions are gone and i feel more at peace.I did prayed extra for this earlier the fourth day when i was at the peak of what seemed to be my “dooms day”.Thanks God for touching you and inspiring u to write eye openning,inspiring and life changing articles like this.God bless you,Bo!
God works in mysterious ways…He sent His message to us through you. Thanks for sharing it, Bo.
God bless you and your staff for continuous inspiring us.
thank you, bro bo,
this is a very timely article in my life….you are a blessing to our marriage….you really opened my eyes to appreciate my husband, and truly, both of us are not perfect…that we should appreciate each other….thank you so much….
Bro.Bo,
Everytime i read your article or before opening my email from you ,i pray first to guide me by the HOLY SPIRIT and God give me the wisdom to understand and to feel it from my soul every word i read from your article.. Glory To GOD!Glory to Christ Jesus !.. I Thank God it really strike my soul, my heart.. That’s true! and Its right we cannot fixed other people..To those wive’s who are Bless with their husband for being faithful im so happy for them ..thou my husband made a mistake i know God will make it..I cannot fix him.. I know God will fix HIM for me,.Thank you Bro. Bo for this articles it opened my eyes and its keep me hope to believe..and to understand my husband.God Bless all the servant of The Lord like you..
Dear Bro. Bo,
All I can say is, “ikaw talaga…” you did it again. This reminded me of my unwavering strength in trying to fix a friend. Maybe I should just appreciate her then. Thank you for your articles that remind me to renew my relationships. Very inspiring indeed.
Bo, your articles never fails to put a smile on my face..
i admire your ability to hit straight ahead all those realities in life
ouch.. i caught my self guilty for this..
i guess I’d better follow your advised.
accepting people for what they are,
i agree.. this will bring less stress and more joy in a relation
ang ganda ng article na ito
share ko itp sa husband ko to improve our relationship with the people
inspiring
god bless po
grabehh napaiyak nmn ako kuya Bo,bulls eye ako..cguro kaya d nagwork mga past relationship ko kze im trying to fix them..dame kong complain.baket di xia ganeto ,bat d xia ganun…
but i know d pa huli ang lahat coz ngsisimula pa lng kme ng asawa ko..and i really love this man,and i know hes the God’s Gift for me…im willing to change at ggawin ko un.
nkkainspired ka tlga kuya..thank you po.
Bo,
You made me affirm how lucky I am to have my husband despite his flaws; because despite of me being flawed too he would always tell me “ang swerte ko talaga sa misis ko” whenever i’m in the middle of my fits and nag him.
Life is sweet because of its imperfections!
Good cheer bro Bo.
When I heard this teaching last Sunday, I searched and searched in my heart and mind how I can truthfully respond to it in terms of my relationship with my widowed mother and some siblings with whom I’ve been experiencing a soured relationship; then whaam, that very same afternoon I had a really bad encounter with them!
I never questioned my love for them or finding ways to express it until recently when I started spending more time with my Mom who was living alone with just a maid. Since then my interaction with my Mom got into discussions regarding outlooks and values which made me realize that because I spent a considerable amount of time away from them and instead with my grandfather and aunt and later on my own family, made me realize that there was so much difference between us and that we couldn’t stand each others’ values.
I want to honor my Mom and to be at peace, as much as possible, with my siblings but I’ve realized that at this point, no effort on my part or their’s, that would change the situation, would be forthcoming. I therefore think it best that for now I retreat from them and the circumstances that would bring us to interaction so as to give time and space for God to work on me and them and hopefully, bring the good out of it.
I pray the Lord will give me the time, my own comforting place and wisdom to be healed and find victory in my situation, in Jesus’ name, Amen.
such an inspiration brother Bo!
really like the way u write, its as if ur just talking to me.
God bless!
helo bro. Bo!..thabnks a lot for this another inspiring article. It is very timely in my present situation…natamaan tlaga ako! But you made me laugh and teary eyed..thanks ones again bro. Bo , take care and God Bless you and your family and ministry!
Dear Bro. Bo
Thanks for another inspiring Article that you have shared with us.
HI BRo. Bo, 954 contact lists? ang dami!!! Nagkasya pala lahat sa celfon ‘yan.
anyway, ganda ng article… “perfect in your imperfections”.
cheers!
God bless