Fight The Relationship Drift
Warning: There’s a cruel epidemic afflicting our families, our marriages, and our friendships. It’s called the Relationship Drift.
It’s a very devious disease. It’s like some cancers. You really don’t know you have it until it’s fatal. And then it’s too late.
And then Relationship Drift becomes Relationship Dead.
The only solution is to diagnose it early.
But the symptoms of Relationship Drift are almost invisible to the naked eye.
Because you’re not really fighting each other.
There are no screaming matches. In fact, your home is quiet. Like a convent.
And there are no pots and pans flying in the air.
And there are no bloody court cases.
But little by little, your hearts move apart.
Intimacy is gone.
Joy is missing.
In marriage, sex only happens every time Haley’s comet passes planet earth.
You take each other for granted.
One day, you know the disease had run its full course because you wake up one morning not caring for the other person anymore.
Let me give you examples of the Relationship Drift:
The father who doesn’t have heart-to-heart conversations with his kids anymore. Or the wife who doesn’t enjoy her husband’s company anymore. Or a couple who talk to each other functionally, not deeply. Or siblings who no longer laugh together, play together, and eat together.
Here’s why: We live in a busy world.
Where bills need to be paid.
And cars need to be repaired.
And kids need to be fed, vaccinated, and neutered, er, I mean nurtured. (I know of parents who want to administer this little medical procedure to their kids when puberty comes along.)
My point? It’s natural that you drift apart.
You don’t have to be a bad person. You don’t have to be Adolf Hitler or The Joker. You don’t have to be obnoxious, selfish, or evil to cause the disease called Relationship Drift.
Let me give you an analogy.
Two people in a relationship are like two little boats floating on the sea.
Problem: There’s a current that will slowly pull the two boats apart. Before they know it, the two boats are miles away from each other.
Friend, there’s really only one way to fight the drift: Paddle!
If you don’t want to drift, you’ll have to go against the flow and paddle your way to each other. You’ll have to work hard, muscle your way, sweat like crazy and fight to be together.
I believe that the only antidote to Relationship Drift is to bond constantly.
If you don’t, the effects can be disastrous…
When We Don’t Fight Relationship Drift
In a previous article, I already shared these statistics from David Perdew.
David Perdew wrote this about “fatherless kids” in America. According to statistics, children from a fatherless home are:
· Five times more likely to commit suicide
· Thirty-two times more likely to run away
· Twenty times more likely to have behavioral disorders
· Fourteen times more likely to commit rape (this applies to boys)
· Nine times more likely to drop out of high school
· Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances
· Nine times more likely to end up in a charitable institution
· Twenty times more likely to end up in prison for a long period of time
David Perdew says we either pay now or pay later.
And when you pay later, it always costs more.
My suggestion is to pay now.
Fighting the Relationship Drift is very difficult. But it’s easier paying now than paying later.
Here’s how to do it.
Time Management Isn’t The Answer
Do you want to spend more time with your family?
Time Management is not the solution.
I know a company who charges $759 per person for their Time Management Seminar. Let me save you $759 right now and tell you it doesn’t work.
These guys will teach you how to become experts in multi-tasking.
While you shave, mentally plan for your day.
While you drive, record your things-to-do in an MP3 recorder.
While sitting on the throne of life, make your phone calls.
While talking with your boss, floss your teeth.
I don’t believe in any of that.
Though I must admit, I’m guilty trying all of them.
Except for the flossing. (I don’t have a Boss.)
And believe me, these things don’t give you more time.
Worse, they take away your peace.
Here’s a principle you can take to the bank: Anything that takes away your peace won’t work in the long run.
Instead of Time Management, I teach people Biggies Management.
What Are Your Biggies?
If you really think about it, you can put everything happening in your life into two categories: Biggies and Smallies.
If you manage your Biggies, you manage your life.
It’s the secret to great success.
What are your Biggies?
People who don’t know their Biggies will be ruled by their Smallies. They’ll be lost boats in the sea, being pushed and pulled in various directions.
Your Biggies consists of the 4 most important parts of your life:
1. Your Family
2. Your Health
3. Your Mission
4. Your Spirit
Everything else are Smallies.
If you want to be successful, focus on your Biggies.
When you make your Weekly Schedule, write down the Biggies first.
Each of these Biggies can be broken down. But today, I’d like to share with you the Family Biggies that you need to do. These are the powerful ways to paddle against Relationship Drift.
Are you ready?
Create A List Of Untouchables
My romantic date with my wife is an Untouchable.
I told her that we’d have a romantic date every Tuesday night unless these three things happen:
1) President Obama calls up to consult me on high-level issues such as terrorism, global warming, and nuclear disarmament; or…
2) The Pope calls me to discuss some murky theological question that only I can answer (like “Did Adam have a belly button?”), or…
3) If a comet rams into earth, burning the entire planet’s atmosphere, and human life as we know it ceases to exist.
Aside from those three scenarios, nothing can touch my date with her.
Seriously, there are weeks when I’m travelling and we can’t date. But I see to it that when I fly back home, the first thing I do is spend a day with my wife and two boys.
Frankly, I love my romantic dates with my wife. She’s my emotional home. She relaxes me. (Okay, I confess that one time, I was so relaxed I dozed off when she was still talking.)
My weekly date with my 2 boys is an Untouchable too.
So is my twice-a-month lunch with my mother.
And twice-a month dinners with my extended families.
I also have regular dates with my Friends. (We call them Caring Groups in my spiritual family, Light of Jesus.)
Friend, the only way to paddle against Relationship Drift is to create your list of Untouchables.
But before you invite your kids to a date, let me tell you how not to do it.
How To Have Dates With Your Kids
One day, a teen-age boy approached me and said, “Brother Bo, can you please tell my father to stop having dates with me? I think he got the idea from you.”
I later learned what his father did last week.
First, he invited his son to have a burger. But the moment they sat down in the restaurant, the father said, “Son, I want to talk to you about your poor grades.”
After a mini-sermon on “study well because I work so hard to pay for your studies,” the father jumps to another sensitive topic. “Your music tastes are terrible,” he said to the lad, “It’s loud, noisy, and disgusting. I think you should listen more to classical music.”
The father goes on to other topics, such as the length of his hair, the late night phone calls, and the obscene amount of time he spends playing computer games.
Poor kid. He didn’t know what was coming that day. He didn’t realize he was attending a multi-track conference.
After their meal, the father told him, “Son, I enjoyed our date. Let’s do this weekly!”
His son must have had an epileptic seizure right there. Can you imagine going through this torture for the rest of his teen-age life? That’s when the boy asked me to rescue him from a life of purgatory.
So I called the father and said, “Parental sermons, homilies, lectures, and full-scale multi-track conferences are banned from your dates.”
“Why?” the father asked.
“Because the date isn’t for you,” I said. “It’s for your son. You don’t have to enjoy it as long as he does.” I told him, “Play billiards. Play bowling. Go fishing. Ride bikes together. Anything your boy wants to do.”
Let me explain why this is essential.
When the relationship is close, kids listen. Their hearts are supple and open.
But when there’s already a Relationship Drift between the parents and the kids, their hearts are far apart. So no matter how much the parents shout, their kids don’t hear the message.
So the first goal is to bring your hearts close to each other.
How To Bond As A Family
Another Untouchable you need to create is a Weekly Family night.
The goal is to do something fun together.
Rent a movie and cook popcorn for a family movie night at home.
Or take a Family Walk around the village.
Or play a game together. Monopoly. Pictionary. Patintero.
Or read a book out loud.
Or just order pizza and ask everyone to share around the table.
When you do this each week, you’re creating memories that will last a lifetime. Life is about moments. And believe me, your grown-up kids will never forget these special bonding moments as a family. It will be their anchor. It will be their source of emotional stability. That amidst the sea of change around them, they know there are just some things in life that don’t change.
Like the memories of being together as family.
Here’s one more tip before I end.
Invite Your Kids’ Friends To Hang Out At Home
You’ve got to be the cool Mom and Dad–Even if you’re not.
How? Make your home the preferred hang-out place for your kids’ friends.
I know it’ll cause a little dent on your budget.
Okay, I lied. It will make your life savings disappear.
A group of teens are like a pack of piranha. They will eat anything that looks like food in your kitchen cabinets. And if your kids come home all tired and sweaty from a basketball game, be forewarned. That is a perfect storm. You will become poor overnight. You can buy all the food in your city and it won’t be enough. They’ll just burp and ask for more.
But the rewards are incredible.
First, you’re with your kids more.
Second, you know where your kids are.
Third, you get to know their friends—and counsel the troubled ones. If they lack parenting, you can re-parent them. (I’m sharing you a powerful secret: One of the best ways of influencing your kids is to influence their friends.)
Fourth, because of all racket your guests make, you and your neighbors will not be in speaking terms. So that’s one or two people dropped from your Christmas shopping list. Savings!
Two Choices: Drift Or Paddle
I can hear you now.
“Bo, this is a lot of hard work! Weekly dates with my wife and kids? Feeding a pack of piranhas? And re-parenting the friends of my kids? My gosh!”
I warned you. It’s going to be rough.
But let me repeat what I said at the start: You really only have two choices in life. You either Drift or you Paddle. You either pay now or pay later.
I’ve decided to paddle. I’ve decided to pay now.
Believe me, I’m enjoying the benefits.
My relationships are deeply satisfying.
Friend, it’s your turn.
Start paddling.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. I have a new book coming out very soon. It’s entitled, How To Turn Thoughts Into Things. You can grab it soon at all major bookstores in the Philippines. As an author, I feel that this book is very special. In this book, I share the Law of the Harvest and how you can apply it to achieve success. By the way, I’m giving away the Ebook version of the book to TrulyRichClub members for free. It’s just one of the many free gifts I give to the TrulyRichClub members. To gain more abundance, log on at www.TrulyRichClub.com now!
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how very inspiring!
I understand this but how do I get my husband to understand this? How can I ask him to even read this without making it seem that I am trying to change him?
‘So very true. Thanks Bo for sharing
God Bless!!!!
hi brother bo,
thanks for the sharing.. but i would like to know what can you say for the single ones? for our friends, work groups and special relationships? just curious =)
have a gread day
I tried doing your suggestions several times in the past but (just like Claire) I have a husband who doesn’t seem to understand the need for an “untouchable” time. He is the typical male who prioritizes his work, his car, his friends and his mother after himself.
When I take the kids out by myself, he feels jealous and thinks that we’re making him feel unimportant while he works hard for all our needs.
I know that communication is the key to all relationships but unfortunately my husband doesn’t realizes it yet. Just include my family in your prayers Bo. Thanks and God bless!
Thank you very much Bro. Bo! So true, I can relate to this.
Dear Bo,
Very inspiring and thanks for sharing.
Thank you very very much! This is exactly what my budding family needed to read as we are making efforts to paddle but still think that we might be drifting. Thank you very much for your inspiring words. God bless you more.
Thanks Bo for this inspiring newsletter..
Although my current life situation is misserable due to my relationship with the mother of my daughter plus her family.
Very Disgusting experienced and i never wish to happen,.
Thank you! And Best Regards
Brother bro what about individuals far from the family?
I work outside the Philippines (even when I was working in the Phil, I was in Manila and the family was scattered around the Phil). Then how to paddle furiously back to a relationship with a drifting sister or brother?
Brother Bo what about individuals far from the family?
I work outside the Philippines (even when I was working in the Phil, I was in Manila and the family was scattered around the Phil). Then how to paddle furiously back to a relationship with a drifting sister or brother?
Great! Inspiring!
For Claire, regarding your husband please read the two previous post, it will help a lot.
Luke 11:8
thank you so much . its a reminder for me. di ko alam na alam na its a relationship drift na pala. kasi ala na kami pakialam sa iast isa as we grow pld. pls. help me pray na maibalik namin yon. life is too short…..
i’ll try to do all of this things when i get married and have a family
very powerful message… families and memories… but when already drifted away, no matter how hard you paddle it seems impossible to be closed once more. To my husband, i wish you have paddled more, and respected our untouchable time.
Very true but it will not work if the other party doesn’t want to cooperate. Bro. Bo. what is your stand in domestic violence and infidelity in marriage.
Thanks, your thoughts are a living manifestation of the Holy Spirit, so inspiring …. God bless you!
very timely….a good news when I’m just about reflecting what’s goin’ on in my life.Thanks be to God and to you Bro.Bo
Cheers!
thanks bro bo.God Bless
It’s very inspiring.Thank you so much.how i wish i can let my husband read this post..but he is a Taiwanese,and i am sure most words in this post,he will not understand..I know it’s too much to ask bro bo…i hope you have a post written in chinese/mandarin..how i wish…your thoughts help me a lot in so many ways…
hi bo.im touched by ur blogs.well i decided to paddle thru my life. i am a single mom, i tried to work out my relationship with my bf. but its too complicated.So i decided to go on with my life. My only worry is that she has no father to grow up with. But i will do my best to be the mother and father in her life. Pls pray for me. margaret p.
Thank you bro bo. By the way, if Obama invites you, please include me in the guest list. hehehe… just kidding…
thanks for sharing Bro. Bo. but i want to ask you, do you ever reply to questions posted here? or is there a hotline we can call for answers to our questions?
Dear Bro. Bo,
This is really a cool write-up. I feel that my teenage girls are becoming snubs. They also seldom kisses me anymore. So, I think I’ll make a house rule that kisses are required every morning before they leave for school and in the evening before they go to sleep. It’ll be martial law other wise no allowance..
Do you think that’ll work?
dEaR bRo. BO! thank God for u! for helping us to make our relationship to God, to our family, friends& others & even to ourselves meaningfully, lovely and your sense of humor make us lighten up our life!God bless you and your family!
Hi Bro.Bo, thank you for the very inspiring article!!! Now I realized how important to keep family relationship strong & intact!!!
God Bless you & your family.
thank you bro bo.. you know.. im a cancer survivor. was diagnosed with leukemia in 1998.. had my bone marrow transplant in 2003 ( thank GOD for giving me such a wonderful doctors).im now on my sixth year of remision, though im still taking a few immuno suppressant drugs.
true enough .. that the biggies part of our life are families heakth mission and spirit. time is sooo short., with these illness, i realized how important good relationship is. thank goodness i was given a chance to hug my father when he was still around, kiss my mother, eat out with her, and now that she’s sick in bed, i enjoy taking care of her. i praise the LORD for the gift of family. being around with my family… is home. now im telling to myself. .. when my time is over, i want to die in a place where i feel most loved… home
thank you bro bo for inspiring us. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES. !
benedict
Bro. Bo,
A very inspiring message and a wake up call to everyone who has a family. This is common to
OFW’s. Hope everyone will reach out with your
inspiring message…
you are a God sent, Bo…thank you for sharing these, this is what i really need in my family…u light up my mind and my life…
when we were younger, we use to have a weekly bonding in our family on Sundays.
like we watched movies together. my parents and older siblings will bring out the “rides” and pedal like crazy for 10kms. kahit bisikleta lang pero andaming benefits! watch kami ng movies together, nakapag-exercise pa…
or we go swimming in the beach (sosyal ba? nasa ilalim lang ng bahay namin ang dagat!) bread and softdrinks lang ang baon namin…
ang iba may kodakan moment din…
may panahon na hirap talaga at hindi na kami lumalabas, hindi makalimutan ng nanay ko na minsan natanong ko siya: Nay, wala na bang Linggo?
i do commend my parents for giving us those memories…simple but lasting.
so ngayon, time na namin na magkapatid para i-treat ang parents namin… hopefully by next year pwede ko ng sabihin sa parents ko: Nay at Tay, Bohol tayo! (Magbisikleta lang tayo…hehehe)
Thanks again Bro. Bo. You never fail to inspire me with your writings. Tinamaan na naman ako dito. It surely needs a lot of hard work. God be with me and us all. More power Bo.
a very inspiring thought. this is very true. i’ve been married for nearly two years now. i always make it a point to communicate with my husband and family. one must not neglect the relationship to each other. thanks for this post.
I wish it’s that easy to paddle back. I never thought my marriage will be doomed one day. I’ve forgiven several time for kid’s sake. But when your health is threatened due to his skirt-chasing, I guess it’s time to let go.
Bro Bo, I wish I could correspond with you. I really need spiritual advice.
More power and God bless.
thanks for an inspiring and truthful messages..i cried and laughed while reading on this because i can relate to the reality of these things in our lives…but i believe even if you paddle it should be the two of you who are willing to do this and to do that an open communication should be established first..
i’ve been married for more than ten years and we almost reached the DRIFT stage but we are still trying the PADDLE stage because we both believe that our relationship has a purpose and with a reason…
again, thanks for the reminder…May GOD continuously bless your family, finance and health..
katawa naman sharing ni Ms Daisy Amor. Thanks Bro Bo. your stories touches me always. God Bless!
Haha, it’s funny about the kids eating like a piranha. True my mom is a cool mom my friends likes to hang out in our crib.
Hi Bo!
This article - - - all by itself - - - can constitute an effective guide for fathers (yes, especially fathers) in navigating through the unfamiliar territories of husbanding and fathering.
Women (well, at least most of them) seem to be walking relationship manuals, most men (including me!) need a lot of help! Problem is, most men don’t admit it!
To men out there, printing this article and hiding it in your business folders for you to review before every meeting may just be the only thing worth doing in the next few days.
Marvin
P.S. Sorry for my seeming hyperbole
But I’m serious about the last sentence 
Million thanks to you Bro. Bo! Very timely coz we’re having problems in our relatonship.Great help for us. God bless you more!!
Very good article..But how can I manage if I am based abroad?
I’m paddling Bo. Thanks. God bless you and your family
Thank you for the insights
these are the moments that i miss when i was a child. if i could just turn back time…
when i was not yet separated with my parents…
when my parents are not yet separated…
when my family was not yet broken…
i will tell them: “Let’s have a DATE…”
if i can just do it…..but i can’t and i did not….
this article makes me sad but it is a challenge to me. I wanted saddle with my nephew…with my aunt…with my friends…
SADDLE…
DUC In ALTUM!
These are the moments that i miss when i was a child. if i could just turn back time…
when i was not yet separated with my parents…
when my parents are not yet separated…
when my family was not yet broken…
i will tell them: “Let’s have a DATE…”
if i can just do it…..but i can’t and i did not….
this article makes me sad but it is a challenge to me. I wanted saddle with my nephew…with my aunt…with my friends…
PADDLE…
DUC In ALTUM!
Hi Bo,
You are such a living saint to me. Thank you so much for your untiring love to GOD’s people. You know what I’m thinking, that when you die I think you will be directly going to heaven you dont need purgatory because you dont need cleansing anymore because the way I see your life, your everyday reflection and the way you love people around you…….wow! I call it FANTABULOUS. Great. you’re one of my stars.
I thank GOD for you.
Hi Bo,
Please include me in your prayer. How I wish my family will be complete again so that we can do the bonding as what we are doing before. My marriage life as of now is now ok. So when I read this article my tears comes out. Because I am missing those day that my husband is still with us. Please pray for me to be my husband be with us again. I know God will make a way for these. Thank a lot for sharing this article. Hope you can help me about my problem.
ianne
Hi Bo,
Please include me in your prayer. How I wish my family will be complete again so that we can do the bonding as what we are doing before. My marriage life as of now is no.t ok. So when I read this article my tears comes out. Because I am missing those day that my husband is still with us. Please pray for me to be my husband be with us again. I know God will make a way for these. Thank a lot for sharing this article. Hope you can help me about my problem.
ianne
Thank you Bro. Bo for these inspiring message. You touched my heart. Now I know, after reading your article, my relatioship with my husband is drifting apart and will eventually die if I will let go. I decided to print it and leave it inside my husband’s lunch box for him to read it.. He will not get it if I will give it to him directly. Please pray, B ro. Bo for my husband so he will give his full support and time for us his family again just like before.
God bless you always Bro. Bo. More power to you.
Bro. Bo, thanks for the wonderful article but it makes me feel more sad in a sense that it is happening with me and my husband in reality. The bondings are gone since i confronted him with his philanderings..
Just pray for me/us that we can still paddle the relationship that is being drifted for the past 6 months. I think we are just taking each other for granted because of our children but the love & respect between us has gone.
i wish my husband would also paddle up and would realize how important we are to him. I miss those times when we go out for a weekend treat and respect our untouchable times
Like Mylene, this blog also made me sad because I feel like our family’s way passed the DRIFTED relationship. Kung may mas malayo pa niyan baka ayun na sa amin.
But unlike Mylene, our family’s still intact. However, this is the saddest part, we may only be intact physically but emotionally (deep seated one) I guess that’s where we need to not only shout out loud to the other person on the other boat but already need an ultramegaphone to be heard loud and clear. Those untouchable list are always compromised in our family and I guess this made the drift gap even wider.
At present, I should say we so much learned how not to rock the boat when we’re together that even if we are drifted far apart (emotionally), each of us learned so well not to rock his or her own boat. We’ve mastered this craft of not rocking the boat so much that I guess we’re all just resigned to the fact of accepting whatever payment we may get from being drifted far, far apart (to which you said Bo that it’s gonna be more costly the longer we remain adrift). Now isn’t that sad.
My eyes just got misty especially when we get to the part where you describe about creating memories that are to be cherished. Our family is not of the “hugging type” (to which I believe is a contributory factor in the drifting) and I don’t know if we’ll ever be. I guess in another lifetime. Or maybe, I’ll just read more of your blogs so that I might one day be able to see a glimmer of hope for a transformation in our family within this lifetime. This I pray to God.
we live in a busy world… should not be an excuse. people get obsessed with so many activities that they think this is the way to live. they need to learn and know their priorities in order not to “drift”. also, if u really care for the person or the relationship, then time should not matter - quality not quantity.
Thanks Bro. Bo for this inspiring message! We all need a reminder once in a while. At least I do. Please pray for me and my husband and my three boys. Nawa’y mai-apply namin ito sa aming family life. God bless you and your ministry!
there are 6 of us in my family. my older brother and i are already working and he already has a ki. my two younger brothers are in college now and have girlfriends. we’ve been experiencing financial difficulties since my father’s early retirement. i guess things like that force you to give up certain conveniences, a process which actually turns out to be a blessing.
we used to have cable tvs, internet, etc. now we have a single tv (no longer a cable one) and it’s in our parents’ room. so whenever my brothers and i come home from school or work, and whenever my parents come home from our tindahan, we would all go to their room and watch tv. usually, we would switch to different channels whenever one show is on a commercial break. let me repeat that there are 6 of us cramped in one room with a 21-inch tv with no cable. and this happens every night. and even though we would always “argue” who should have the remote control, and whether the primary show should be news (parents) because it’s more important than basketball (kuya), anime (younger bros) and fashion (mine), deep inside, i know that we are all happy that we get to have our family time. and because of the long ads in local tv, we also get to chat in between the shows about how our day went.
very inspiring!
HI Bro. Bo!
Amazing article! I suddeny remembered my bonding moments with my family. My dad is so much like you! He’s very very persistent when it comes to family time.. he makes ordinary things super extra ordinary and special!
He gave up his work abroad when I was 4. He was the one who taught me how to read, he was with me on my first day of school.. he would also research for my declamation pieces and help me memorize them… he was also the one who composed my school speeches…
Dad was kinda strict (i understand that it’s normal…and it’s essential for the kid’s future, but it still depends on how the disciplining thing is carried out) … but his open mind and open heart helped us communicate with him, I remember telling him one time to listen to me because I want to explain something and he did from then on, I also used to tell my dad to trust me in my decisions and he did too… (that was mostly on love matters haha i never attempted to break his trust) well, our weekend family lunches paid off.. my dad knows the art of communication and i guess psychology. He has the power to tell his message indirectly and with humour but hitting me (i’m pretty sure my sibs too) bullseye…he gives his messages simple and clear.. we know the consequences if we lie… (that’s the biggest NO NO on his rules.. ) yes, we were afraid of him, but we loved him more.
Family gimmicks need not to be expensive.. we dine out as a family, literally dining outside our house… having home made steak, mashed potatoes and sparkling wine… where each of us will cook / prepare something… it’s already a bonding moment while cooking! If we wanna go native, we’ll eat on banana leaves.. We also have saturdays/ sundays videoke alarm… my dad and mom will start singing early in the morning so we’ll wake up and join them, dad will clip a 100 or 500 peso bill near the tv so whoever gets a perfect score of 100 will get the prize..who won’t wake up excited? We also play bowling on saturday nights and we have family tournaments.. since both of them are bowlers..and of course they teach us.. driving lessons from dad… grocery & shopping moments with mom.. and we have this family tradition that we always look forward.. whenever we go to bicol to visit mother side relatives.. we go to the church and pose the same way we had it on our first picture when we were still small kids..and with the technology now of having timers and remote controls for cameras, we now have a jumping family pic!
my mom is my dad’s biggest supporter. we NEVER saw nor hear them fight. yup we experienced cold wars… but dad would do extraordinary things to make peace with my mom.. like he one time bought a cupboard for our dining area.. he brings her flowers… he would sing songs or dance with her.. those things made her smile and then laugh.. and the love as usual prevailed…
we are also very lucky to have a small house then. me and my 3 sibs share in a pull-out bed or double deck. we talk and talk until the wee hours and play before sleeping… for several years we were like that until our house was renovated but for the first few months we had a hard time adjusting it’s either we shout and laugh loud so we can hear each other or sleep in one room again to talk…
I am now practicing the art of communication with my husband. I have my mom and dad as my models. and we always talk… plan.. give each other support and words of encouragement (since we are both abroad) it’s really hard to be away from our families… and now we’ll be having untouchable projects to do… and when we have our own kids, we’ll make their childhood very memorable too.
I’m sorry if this is too long. I’m just really proud of my parents.Maybe their ways can help someone else…
Thanks a lot for the very inspiring article!
Very inspiring, Kuya Bo!
One of the things I truly appreciate about my mom is that she allowed me and my friends to hang out at home. Sure it cost her a lot of junk food especially on our overnights. But as a result, my friends think she’s cool and are comfortable talking to her too.
I hope other parents try doing this. My mom says it’s very rewarding. She says it feels like she has more children - not just one child.
Very influential message… As usual I’m so much inspired ,Thanks again Bro. Bo.
Dear Bo,
Thank you very much for this inspiring letter. Sound advice indeed. We need to stay connected in a genuine, sincere, but accepting way. We need to love unconditionally. I like the concept of biggies and smallies.
God Bless
hi bro. bo.. galing mo tlaga. very timely on my part as a mother. answered prayers, answered questions… kaya lng po how can i tell this things to my husband, for 2 years, he has to travel back and forth from pasig to cavite every sat. afternoon then back to pasig sunday evening. my mother-in-law has a cervical cancer and he told me that her mother needs him more now.. for 2 years, hindi na po kami nakkapgsimba as family, ang dami kong dapat i-sacrifice for the condition of his mother…ang hirap po,, ang daming problem re. my 2 teenager daughter,, but still God is continuously telling me to be still and know that He is God… not to be afraid,, have faith… and He will do the rest… thanks for everday message, it keeps on inspiring me… God bless us….
I really believe in this line….”When you do this each week, you’re creating memories that will last a lifetime. Life is about moments. And believe me, your grown-up kids will never forget these special bonding moments as a family. It will be their anchor. It will be their source of emotional stability. That amidst the sea of change around them, they know there are just some things in life that don’t change.
Like the memories of being together as family.”
Our family is a middle class family composed of my father 64,mom 58, kuya 30, me 28, dang 25, henry 23. My siblings and I are all singles and so we spend most of Christmass and new year’s eve together in our home..This memories will last forever. I always remember our dining table when we are always eating together or share our midnight snack in the sala watching tv or hanging out in the terrace after dinner drinking coffee and sharing stories like how my younger brother struggle in his engineering course or my wonderful job of chemical engineering in Bataan…Right now I will spend my first Xmass away from home, away from my family, the worst is I might spend it alone. I am now working here in Australia. My Kuya is in Korea also so I know for sure this year’s Xmass is somewhat lonely back in the Philippines….I really love your Articles…I have collection of your books like Thanks God hes the Boss, How to find your one true love…(still not found one)hehe. Bo you are really great and i always laugh at your article and then eventually be touched and then laugh again and then cry..and at the end it made me always realized that it is true…that what you were saying is absolutely essential and must be put into action…thanks for always inspiring!
You inspire me Bro. Bo! Thanks……….thanks for bringing me closer to God =)
thanks for the beautiful message
whenever i see your email pop-up on my computer, it feels like i’m talking to you directly and answering my questions at the right time. thanks for this inspiration, bo. God bless you dearly.
A very interesting message. Have been doing these subconciously but there are still room for improvement in the way the paddling has to be done. God bless you Bo!
love that message bo! in my case my wife paddle too fast, leaving me and the kids paddling slowly unable to cath her while watching her drifting us apart.
so timely.. it made me cry.. how i wish i could paddle back towards my sibs.. so hard it was i whom they thought made the mistake of drifting apart. hope i would have the courage to paddle and strength whenever they would neglect the effort and continue paddling no matter what it takes.. help me Lord.. thanks!
LOVE IT BRO. BO.
MORE POWER.
GOD BLESS!!!
this came to me Just In Time! will share this to my friends and to my partner
hi bro. bo! russ here!
it’s my first time last sunday to attend the feast and for the first time hindi ikaw yung nagtalk, but it’s one of the best sunday i ever had..a
while singing before the talk of bro. alvin, nag-isip ako kung bakit ako nandun and i realized it’s a thanksgiving sunday for me because after i experienced last september and october i thought it will be the end of my life, dumating sa point na i can’t handle the pressure and the problems.. because sunod-sunod na ung problema dumating sa akin,..
my friends always invite me every sunday to attend the feast,but hindi ako nakakapunta, kapag nakikita kita bro. bo sa tv, talagang pinapanuod kita and i’ll get my planner to take down notes.. and nun tumuntong ako sa valle verde sabi ng friends ko yakapin mo si bo kapag nakita mo, and nandun yung feeling ng panghihinayang sa mga sunday na hindi ko napuntahan.. but i will make bawi…
my life, my God, and my family and my mission are my biggies! last sunday before i go to the feast and for the first time binati ako ng tatay ko na “papasok ka na?’ sabi ko “opo sabay smile” after that i was shocked kasi binati niya ako and iba yung feeling na binati ako ng tatay ko.. ( i’ll tell to you my life stories in the future…) mahabang kwento po and isasabay ko sa topic po..
right now i want to have a peace of mind, that is why i’m now starting to pray the Novena to God’s Love and i’m planning to buy your books and cds,
thanks bro. bo! see you on sunday!
I really like the way (style) you write, nakakarelate talaga ako sa subject matter, umpisa pa lang, he, he, he for me really ang topics, salamat po uli, sa paulit-ulit na pakikialam mo sa buhay namin, I like it, I love it.
Hi Bro. Bo
I should have gotten this message 5 years earlier…
so sad, but i guess no amount of paddling can bring back what me and my husband used to have. i never realized he’s drifting far away from me. it started with different sports, then bonding with single male friends, then hooking up and skirt-chasing, and finally getting someone pregnant. now, it’s payback time and it cost me so much… i lost my husband to another woman just because i gave him space to do the things he love… this article is really for the FAMILY MEN out there. they should strive to keep the family intact. be focused on their responsibilities to the family and not seek selfish wants just to boost their ego and self-esteem.
Reading this article made me so much grateful for having a wonderful family. AND made me feel more grateful for realizing that God is really love even if I have veered away from Him for being selfish and ignoring Him in one aspect of my life. I just feel blessed because I felt Him embracing me once again and making me feel His love through my family who gives unconditional love. I just love my family! Nobody can beat their love for me. =) Thank you Lord for that precious gift. I could not ask for more. =)
thanks bro. bo for this another inspiring article….it’s a good reminder of what is really essential in life…i just really hope and pray to have the courage to apply it in my life. God Bless and more power!
just great article!
Inspiring! Though my daughter is just 7 month old now I will make sure to fight the drift. I’ll spend quality time with my wife and my daughter. Thanks Bo
Its really true memories are priceless,and that is the most important things that we can give to our children Thanks Boe.Bo
very inspiring!!! what about if you feel tired being drifting? when will the right time to stop fighting the relationship?
I agree 100% with what you said. Our kids are grown up .. and our time together has always been the Sunday mass followed by dinner out… No matter how busy they are with their single lives and gimmicks and even with their boy friend or girl friend they always find the time to join us. Being friends with your kids at a comfortable distance, them knowing you will always be there to share in their happiness or heartaches. Proud to say they never had 2nd thoughts of bringing their friends home even if the house was a mess. Knowing how to enjoy and appreciate the things things they enjoy. Love the simple life with friends and family and concern for others. I thank the Lord everyday… I’ve been very lucky… we did what you said.
thank you bo! this article is a great reminder for me to spend quality time with my loved ones.
Bro. Bo,
thank u so much! God is touching our hearts through urs. He wants us to be great people like u! we are reminded in things we should be in our life. A litle has been happening but still lucking more. Thank u for keeping us warm to make our family relationship well and good! God bless u all the time!
Thanks so much Bro. Bo.. this is really inspiring and i agree to everything u said.. Just would like to know if you have something for the OFWs… how could we possibly start paddling to save the relationship drift?
Appreciate your usual help, Bro. Bo!! God bless u and ur family always.. Be well…
This is very timely Bro. Bo. My girls are growing up so fast that what matters to them now are their friends and peer groups. I pray that no drift would happen to me and my family. Thanks so much.
correct…. your right…. base on my own experience in my teenage days….. i will do your advice when i have my own children …..coz i dreamt of having my own ” happy family ” too and i think it will be the foundation …..having a happy bonding with them….
more POWER…
Hi Bo,
Thanks! I got the idea to share this to my partner before it’s too late. I have insight that our relationship is in danger to fall into drift. A man who doesn’t seem to understand the need for an “untouchable” time.
Hope, soon as he read this he realize the value of relationship
elow Bo,
great article!
it’s worth while to fight for my love
more power!
My family is my precious treasure….I will not let anything shake or break it…weekly dates, bonding times, focusing on your “biggies”…simple & wise advice….thank you, Bo! God bless!
Hi Bo, this article is so very inspiring, funny and will hit home to everybody who’s read it. I love it and i will forward it to my friends who have not yet subscribed to your newsletter. More power to you and more blessings. Thank you very much.
Jean
Dear Bo,
You have such a special gift you can open people’s minds and hearts. Thanks for sharing your gift.
Ann
Hi Bro Bo,
Thank you so much….. it reminds me a lot..
You are truly disciples of God.
Carmen
Bro.Bo I Thank God for making you as his instrument to share this wonderful guide or let me say a real message for life.. Its true..Please pray for me to Almighty God to guide me by the HOLY SPIRIT how can i start it immidiately, to give me strenght and wisdom. God Bless You
Thanks Bo for the inspiring thoughts…it waked me up from a deep slumber. It made me realize that aside from working so hard, family should come first. God Bless you and your family!
haha so true bo!
great article!
thanks for reminding me before I drift too far i need to paddle!
MORE POWER
a very nice and inspiring article. thank you Bo.
Brother Bo, another very inspiring article… i am sharing this with my sisters… May God continue to bless you and your family. More power!
I have sisters and friends who suffered relationship drift, just like what you have mentioned Bo. It is very sad that this thing is happening. And true enough, you can only do little if the other party is not cooperating. Or worst, have other distractions that caught their attention such as third party. But atleast on the very first onset, you are aware of what is happening (or might happen) and make a move..paddle towards each other to be close again..and yes the secret is to bond and have quality time together.
We have to make the relationship work and make it alive…so you won’t drift apart.
Thanks Bo for the message. I know many of us were blessed with this inspirational article.
For everyone, keep paddling towards each other…don’t quit..don’t get tired
Dear bro,
Thanks to you.
i have many more things to ask and share with you about my marriage life but i don’t want it to be published publicly. i humbly asking you a favor to give me your other email add so that i can tell you everything.
i really need your help spiritually and psychologically and i believe you are the one sent by God to me.
i am really looking forward to it. Hope it is not too late.Thank you.
Almost excellent. I guess you assumed the most important part i.e. to pray for our families.
Hi Bo!
I love the message. It’s really a reminder that amidst our busy lives there are people who are waiting and longing for our time and care, besides they are the reason why we work so hard. And its very timely, I had a friend who really needs this message. I’m worried for them coz I believed their relationship are slowly drifting. I’m so blessed to have a husband who is so loving and thougthful and children who are obedient and cheerful.
MORE POWER
Hi Brother Bo,
This is very inspiring, like I’ve never read something like this before.
Thank you for being such a blessing sent by God to us.
Best regards,
Syve
hi all ! this reminds me of a priest who said that ” relationship is an institution ” . there’s never an end to learning everyday , and like the flower that needs the rain, relationship has to be nurtured frequently so it won’t wilt due to neglect! ha ha .
thanks for sharing bro. bo.
God bless you and your family !
have a lovy - dovy day everyone !
thanks a million bro. Bo. Ingat !!!!! God bless!
HAY NAKU BO YOU ARE RIGH!. i am blessed with friends who have taught me the importance of relationships at asawang kahit OFW di nahihiyang magpakumbaba para maabot lang ang kanyang mga anak at ako.araw2 nagtetxt sya at me email pa morning noon n nyt.
me asawa na yung panganay ko pero araw2 nag eexchange pa rin kami ng txts,at natutuhan din nya na makipag bonding sa amin umuuwi sya dito sa pampanga para dalawin kami at napakasaya namin tama ka magaling na pang kwentuhan ang pop corn mura na masarap pa at nutricious pa [hahaha kabisado ng anak ko yan kasi yan ang bondong food namin pag wala na kaming extra pera para kumain sa labas].Napakaraming paraan para makasama mo ang mga mahal mo sa buhay kung talagang gusto mo.My kids will always remember their dad’s pasalubong when he arrives from anywhere he comes from he would shout to the kids that he has pasalubong then they will be hurrying to him, asking what the pasalubong will be,he will be telling them KISS and we will be bursting with laughter after he had kiss them one by one he will show them the real pasalubong.
at natawa ako sa sinabi mo sa barkada ng mga anak totoo yan naku natawa kami ng asawa ko ng minsan mamalengke ako para sa 4 na araw naming kunsumo nagdatingan ang dating kaklase ng anak ko nung hi skul kasi bakasyon nanuod sila ng palabas sa baryo na play sa pag huli sa kristo niyaya nya sa amin mag stay para mag kakwentuhan sila, na shocked ako kasi naubos talaga nila ang food at parang di pa sila busog,natawa nalang kaming mag asawa at sabi nga namin mabuting dito sila sa atin at least alam natin kung asan anak naabi nga naming mag asawa hindi swerte yun biyaya ng panginoon yun at kasama na ang biyaya na tinulungan kami ng dyos na makapag palaki ng anak na maayos at kasama ang strugle na maibigay ang panahon para sa pamilya at sa kapatid kaibigan at di mo kakilala.Napakarami ko pang pwedeng ikwento dahil nakaipon ako ng maraming memories habang pinalalaki ko ang mga anak ko,at sabi ko nga ang PRIZE ko sa pag alaga at pagtigil sa trabaho para alagaan ko ang mga anak e yung ngayong me edad na kami di kami nag ka problemang malaki na katulad sa ibang OFW pamilya,MASAYA ANG PAMILYA NAMIN,AT MAHAL KAMI NG AMING MGA ANAK
kahit kaming mag kakapatid 12 kami sa pamilya na mimiss namin ang bawat isa kaya pag mahaba ang bakasyon nagsasama sama kami kahit bigyan namin ng pamasahe pauwi dito sa pampanga ang mga kapatid namin sa bicol,at napakasaya namin,
At panalangin ko sa dyos yung mga naituro ko sa anak ko maipagpatuloy nila at wag mag bago ang ugali pag nag asawa na sila mabiyayaan din sila ng asawa na katulad ng ama nila at ama ko
SALAMAT sa time na binibigay mo para makapag share din kami ng mga moments and memories na aming naranasan.
So inspiring! I just wish my husband could read it so that he’ll be able to keep his promises. Naka-set na schedule di natutuloy dahil kelangang magOT. Laging drawing kaya mas magandang surprise na lang sana kaysa laging cancel.
tnx. bro. for your very inspiring article. i remember the story told by a priest. imagine you are juggling some 5 balls in the air: we name them : Family, Health, Friends, Spirit and Work.. its true we have to give priority to our family. Your article really inspired me, God bless. keep up the God’s work.
Life is always beautiful. I had viewed from the national geographic the other day, a scientist was speaking about the dimesion of time. He said that time measure is only applicable on the earthbound. But in the whole universe, it is only the “now” that exists. What separates yesterday from today is the wear and tear of the physical matter. Meaning, everything is bound to corrupt, to age, to get old. From the smallest cell to the biggest, including the planets. So what is important is what we can do to the “now”. The past is merely a trace of the “now”. The future is just a product of the “now”.
In our philosophy studies, way back in the seminary, I have learned that time is just a measure of the before and after. Truly, it connects to the scientific premise.
If both of the of the two fields are true, then nothing to worry about the past, nor the future. What is important is what we can do now to make this life as beautiful as it was purposely created for. Beauty.
God Bless.
Thanks Bo
hi brother Bo,
i would say that relationship drift does not just happened on families db? how about friendship?
may you pray for us brother Bo
thank for always inspiring us, me and my bestfriend..
Bro Bo,
I cannot live without your sense of humor when you write, kahit mahabang article yang gagawin mo, babasahin ko talaga, kasi hindi ako nabobored, gaya nito, I keep on laughing out loud and at the same time madaming relfections nakukuha dito.
Keep it up Bro Bo!
hi, bro. bo,
thi sis my first time to participate on this online reply… can you suggest some untouchable scenario for my family? my husband is working abroad and he is coming back after six months, how can he build relationship with our kids. they are still young like 6 and 5 years old. i am also working….
i think the untouchable time is very true… thank you very much
Thanks Bro. Bo for this life-changing article!!! ^_^ I now know what I should prioritize and value in life. I really pray to Lord God that I’ll be able to paddle and not stop paddling so that I won’t be departed from my loved ones! Thanks again Bro. Bo, God bless you and your family!!! ^_^
it’s short, simple, and direct to the point… perfect!
thanks bro. bo & may God bless u more.
Thanks Bro. Bo for this inspiring article.
God Blesa and regards.
Bo thank you…you fills,inspire…salamat for all the things you share with us…
Yes, it’s true, bonding moments with the family is like having a rare diamond.My family can’t afford to eat in a fast food restaurant on Sundays. But recently, we discovered something we can do together without spoiling my boys’ attention;attending children’s mass.They’re enjoying it than the usual mass we attend to because they can see more children inside.While they’re properly seated, I and my husband stand at the back to join them.After this,we go home and eat dinner together.This has been a part of our weekly activities….so fulfilling!
What if we are already experiencing the drift bo? And worse I end up looking for attention from another person. My husband and his family found out and everyone is just hella mad at me. I said sorry and asked for another chance. But he wont give me a chance anymore coz his family are feeding him negative opinions. I regret what I did and really want his trust back. I really dont know what to do anymore. I am in America and my husband is in the philippines and this distance gives me more problems. I want to patch things up.. But he wont listen anymore. Need help badly.
to the comment above,
true, the past is gone, tomorrow is not certain, to live in the ” now ” and enjoy its beauty is the breath of life itself. it is the language of the saints, living harmoniously with others is living harmoniously with our Creator. even Jesus taught us not to worry ’bout tomorrow, for it will take care of itself. we just have to have faith in Him . living the beauty of today , living in God’s grace, the “now ” by loving God and neighbor is a foretaste of the biggest ” NOW ” in the world to come , where we meet face to face with our loving God, Who has no beginning and Who has no end , Who is LOVE , Who is BEAUTY that is timeless !
have a good day all!
HAPPY ALL SAINTS DAY !!!
a very inspiring words, got a teary eyes upon reading.
True enough! You are really God-sent gift to us, especially to those who find it hard to deal wit their relationship in the family.
Continue inspiring people. God bless you more!
Sir Bo,
hi bro. bo.. its been a long time since i did not attend or go to your session and i really miss it a lot.. i just quit to my job for the some situation and reason.. i wanna send the whole story to you but now i dont have still time and still im writing it.. my prob. now is how deal to a person you like much but i think he didnt like me, he find way i dont know if he do that but it hurt me a lot.. now all i do is to move away from him.. to protect our friendship and not to hurt me much.. im hoping that we gonna be okay at time will come..thanks a lot,, and will you pray for my grandpa his admit few days ago he’s in the ICU..thanks
bro bo, Thank you so much. im gona do this to my family for the rest of my life…
you really inspired me
Good bless you always & Forever
napaka galing po.i have to forward it to a friend who decide to be a single parent.bless those children who live with single parent.thank you po and God bless.
thank you very much Bro. Bo for all of your wonderful sharings.i had limited time of using the internet that’s why i could not do any reply eventhough i really want to. so i’m taking this opportunity to say thank you for the past soulfoods i have received. and about this article, i really pray that the relationships i have won’t drift that too far just because i or the other boat/s is/are tired of paddling back for us to be together again. you know, many things had changed and sometimes that get me so confused. so i Thank God for always guiding me and for giving you as His instrument to send His message to all of us who seek His guidance. we are all blessed.
This is just wonderful. I always love reading your posts. God bless you Bro. Bo!
bro. bo, this article is very timely. i’ve been paddling towards my husband but he just stagnate and ignore me. communication is not in his vocabulary. if we communicate, he is too sensitive and reacts if i have comments he doesn’t like. he always takes me for granted. when he goes out with friends, he would always remind our househelp not to tell me where he went. i don’t know how to work on our relationship anymore. i’m beginning to get tired with the whole set-up. please help. God bless!