Ronni is a good friend and a very successful businessman.

       When I asked him why he’s so successful, he told me a very peculiar reason: He said that when he was growing up as a kid, his father prohibited them from talking about gossip around the dinner table.  They couldn’t talk about showbiz actors, their neighbors, or the usual trivia that people talk about. 

Instead, they always talked about business. 

Imagine being a 5-year-old boy.  And all around you, people are talking about how to increase sales, how to satisfy customers, and how to market your product!

As a child, these daily family conversations around the dinner table painted a powerful picture in Ronni’s mind about who he would become one day.  Subconsciously, he already knew he was going to be a successful businessman. 

Today, Ronni owns a few companies worth hundreds of millions.   For years, Ronni’s father made him focus on a powerful Self-Portrait. 

And it has become a reality…

Focus On Your Portrait In God’s Mind

Friend, you have to learn how to focus.

Don’t focus on the negative things happening in your life.

Accept it, yes.  Acknowledge it, yes.  Don’t deny it.

But don’t dwell on it, meditate on it, and analyze it to death.

Instead, focus on what God is telling you.

Because as you eat around the Banquet of Life, your Heavenly Father likes talking about how great you are—and how great you will be.  Listen to Him.  Focus on His Words.  And be blown away by how beautiful you are in His eyes.

No Matter What Happens,

Never Give Up Your Divine Self-Portrait

When I think of Self-Portraits from God, I think of Joseph in the Old Testament. 

Because Joseph had a dream about who he was in God’s eyes (Genesis 37:5-11, 23, 28).  In that dream, he saw the sun, moon, and stars bowing down to him.  This became his fantastic Self-Portrait.  He saw himself as a Child of God, Friend of God, and Champion of God.  And through all the trials of his life, he held on to this Divine Self-Portrait. 

Joseph kept on rising after each fall, even if others kept putting him down.

       Consider this list of failures:

·      Joseph was thrown into a pit.

·      Joseph was sold as a slave.

·      Joseph was falsely accused of rape.

·      Joseph was thrown into prison.

·      Joseph was forgotten in prison!

       Through all these, Joseph must have asked, “Lord, what about that vision, the dream, that Self-Portrait that you gave me?  Was it fake?”

       But Joseph never gave up.

       Each time failure struck him like a lead pipe hitting his head, he held onto the Self-Portrait God gave him in his heart.  He believed that he was going to be a winner.

For we walk by faith, not by sight.  (2 Corinthians 5:7)

       And in the end, Joseph’s Self-Portrait came true. 

He became Governor of all of Egypt.

Let me tell you one last story of another electric fan…

Use The Power Of Pictures

In Your Heart

       When he got married, Rudy was so poor, he couldn’t even buy an electric fan.  He and his wife were renting a tiny room for P90 a month.  And this tiny room got warm during summer, and without a fan, it got really hot.

       But even in his poverty, Rudy believed in his dreams. 

He was also a great believer in having pictures to remind him of his dreams.

So he did the ridiculous.  He got a newspaper, cut out a photo of an electric fan, and pinned it on their wall.  And each time he saw the photo, it reminded him of his great goal in life (at that time): That he’d be able to buy an electric fan for his beloved wife. 

Whenever he saw beads of perspiration on her forehead, he’d go to the photo, and “press” the switch of the fan.  He focused on his dream.

       Four days later, Rudy heard a knock on the door. 

When he opened it, he saw his neighbor holding an old electric fan.  The neighbor said he was moving out and wondered if Rudy wanted to buy his old fan for P50.

       Rudy was overjoyed.  “Yes!” he said.

       In four days, the real fan now replaced the photo.

       The next photo he pinned on the wall was a beautiful white van.  Foolish, right?  How in the world can a poor man who couldn’t even buy an electric fan now dream of buying a van? 

       But he kept on dreaming for that van and worked hard.  The white van came.  And so did the larger homes.  Both here and America.

       Today, Rudy is a multi-millionaire.  Because he had pictures that guided him through his journey.  (And in case you’re wondering, yes, Rudy is also one of the financial mentors in my Truly Rich Coaching Program.  I hope you can meet him one day.)

       Having photos work!

Hang In Your Heart Your Divine Self-Portrait

       But I’m asking you not just to hang a photo of an electric fan on your wall.

       Use the power of pictures for a more important task: Hang a photo of yourself in your heart—the kind of person God wants you to be in the future.  Like Rudy, I want to you to focus on that photo—your Self-Portrait—and dream big dreams. 

       See yourself as a holy person. 

See yourself as a loving person. 

See yourself as a successful person. 

And see yourself as a “truly rich” person.

Redefine yourself.  Now.

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez

PS.  If you want to learn how to earn passive income through creative Real Estate: My friend, Real Estate Mentor, and Bestselling Author Larry Gamboa has a Think Rich Pinoy Seminar on June 1 at The Fort.  To learn more about it, click here now.

       One day, a man came up to me and asked, “Did you come up withKerygma?” 

“Yep,” I said, “Started it way back in 1990.”

“And after that, you published other magazines, like Didache, Gabay, Companion, Sabbath…”

“Yes,” I said.

He grabbed my arm and asked, “Bo, can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot,” I said.

“Where do you get all your ideas?  Man, I’m serious.”

To tell you honestly, I couldn’t answer him. 

Because I felt my answer would have sounded cocky.

       I wanted to tell him, “I’m a friend of God and He talks to me.”

Not with bolts of lightning and peals of thunder.  But through ordinary thoughts.  Why?  Because He’s my friend and friends talk to each other each day.

When I say this, I’m NOT saying everything I’ve done has been a resounding kawabangga success.  On the contrary, I’ve started a lot of stuff that crashlanded the day I launched it.  But even those failures weren’t really failures because I learned so much from them.

So even those failures, I felt God’s guidance and kindness on me.

And in case you’re thinking that I’m putting myself on a pedestal here, read my next sentence: If you look back at your life, you’ll realize that God has spoken to you too.  He has been guiding you throughout your life.  Because He’s your friend too.

       There’s nothing special about me.  I fart.  I snore.  I sleep with my mouth open.  I leave my dirty socks on the floor (My wife is holy because of me).

       YOU are God’s Friend. 

And God likes talking to you.

       Jesus says, No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)

God Stands By His Friends

       Whenever I face a problem, I speak these mighty words out loud: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).

       Let me tell you a story that happened to me a few years ago.

       One day, I got worried.

       Because we bought an Audio System for the FEAST (that’s what we call our prayer gathering)worth a staggering, mind-blowing P2.4 Million.

And I also promised the guy who sold it to us that we would pay him in three months time.

       Frankly, I didn’t know how in the world we could pay him in three months.

But after all these years, I’ve gotten used to my insanity, and so have my friends.

I figured I didn’t have a choice either, as our weekly FEAST was growing in number and we really needed the beefed-up Audio System.

So after I signed that piece of paper, I went on stage and spoke to our FEAST audience.  “Friends, we need to raise P2.4M in three months for our Audio System.”  The crowd in front of me looked at me with a huge question mark on their faces, waiting for a punch line.  They probably thought I was joking.

After my announcement, we passed the offering basket for the Audio System.  True enough.  On that day, we collected the humongous, astronomical, gigantic sum of… (drum roll please)… P12,000!  Wow, if this pace kept up, I calculated that we’d reach P2.4 Million in, oh, fourteen years.  Man, we needed a miracle.

During those three months, I don’t know how many times I said, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I’m a Friend of God!

And as the weeks went by, the miracles came.

First, the wonderful man who sold the Audio System slashed his price to P2 Million.  He said he no longer wanted to make a profit from us.  (Bless his soul and business, Lord!)  Second, a lot of people began to give sacrificially.  And the Audio System was fully paid at the exact time!

Right now, you may be worried about all sorts of concerns.  Perhaps it’s about your kids.  Or about your job.  Or about your health.  Or about your future. 

Declare today that God stands by His friends.

And you’re God’s friend.

Even more, trust in your Friend today.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

PS. If you’re voting today… I pray for God’s wisdom upon you.  Be guided by the Lord’s voice in your heart.  And together, let’s pray for the Philippines—that we be led by men and women who will uphold life, serve the poor, and lift up our countrymen from poverty to God’s abundance, in Jesus name.  Amen!

PS2. Another Topic: If want to learn how to earn through creative Real Estate…  My friend and Real Estate teacher Larry Gamboa has aThink Rich Pinoy Seminar on June 1 at The Fort.  To read his letter about it, click here now.

Last week, my mother died.

Looking at her lifeless body in her simple white coffin, and remembering her permanent impact in my life, I realized that mothers are God’s greatest inventions.

Why did God invent mothers?

Because there are a few things that only mothers can do…

I needed someone crazy enough to carry me in her womb for 9 months, crazy enough to go through the pain of childbirth, crazy enough to feed me, bath me, burp me, and look after me 24/7, crazy enough to teach me to how to walk, how to talk, how to play, how to pray, how to learn, how to share, how to serve, and how to say “Thank You” and “I’m Sorry” and “I love you”

Why did God invent mothers?

Because when my fingers were smaller, I needed someone with bigger fingers to button my shirt, to cut my fingernails, and to tie my shoelaces.  And when my wisdom was smaller, I needed someone with bigger wisdom to teach me what was right and wrong, and someone to forgive me when I did the wrong.

Why did God invent mothers?

Because when I failed in an exam or when a teacher laughed at me or when a playmate rejected me and I felt like my whole world was collapsing, I needed a mother who would tell me, “Just wait. Everything will be alright…” I needed a mother to hold my hand when I was afraid, hold my hand when I was sick, to hold my hand when I fell down, and hold my hand when I felt sad. 

Why did God invent mothers?

Because when I was 13, I needed a mother who would listen with rapt attention to the mumblings and ramblings of a 13 year old boy giving his first talk; I needed a mother who went to every talk I gave, who recorded my every word in her gigantic old tape recorder, and who heard my talks over and over again in her bedroom—to tell me that in her heart, I will always be the greatest preacher in the universe; I needed a mother who would believe in me so that it would be easier for me to believe that God believed in me.

I needed a mother who would read every word I wrote—in every magazine and in every book I published.  I needed a mother who, even if she never used the internet or email in her life, would still read my blog by asking her daughters to print my online essays for her—to tell me that I never stop writing God’s message to this world.

Why did God invent mothers?

Because when I was 14, I needed a mother who didn’t freak out when I told her that I wanted to live in a dangerous slum area to bring Jesus in the poorest of the poor; All she said was, “If that’s what God wants you to do, then do it; I will pray for your protection.”  Like any mother, she wanted me to be safe, but she believed that there’s nothing safer than being in the will of God;

When I was 14, I needed a mother crazy enough to allow me to travel by myself to the farthest islands of the Philippines to preach the Gospel; I needed a mother who trusted me but who trusted God more than me to take care of me. 

When I was 16, I needed a mother crazy enough to send me off to pilgrimage to Israel and 20 cities in Europe for 41 days all by myself—because I needed a mother who would love me and launch me, love me and let go of me…

Why did God invent mothers?

Because when I started preaching about financial literacy and how to become truly rich, and some people were criticizing me for becoming worldly, I needed my mother who knew my heart more than anyone else and told me, “I’m happy that God is opening a new ministry for you.”

Why did God invent mothers?

Because I needed a mother who prayed for me every single moment of her life. I needed a mother who showed me God’s face by simply showing her face to me.

But I realized I didn’t need just any mother.

I needed my mother.

I needed Pilar.

To make me who I am today.

Dearest friend, God gave you your mother.  With all her weaknesses, she is still one of God’s most precious gifts to you.

       Love her…while you can.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

PS. Do you want to help others with traumas and phobias?  (Do YOU want to be healed of your traumas and phobias too?)On June 14 to 15, my friend Jojo Apolo is giving a seminar on how to help people with phobias and traumas.  I joined his previous seminar as a participant and it was simply amazing.  For more information, click here now.

She left us quietly, peacefully, and lovingly.
When I arrived from Europe yesterday morning, I whispered to her ear, “Mom, I’m here.  This is Bo, your son.  I love you.”
I knew she heard me because a tear escaped her eye.
I’ll always be grateful that she waited for me for an entire month before saying goodbye…

She was the first woman who loved me.
She loved me when I was conceived in her womb.
She loved me when I was a baby nursing on her breast.
She loved me when I went to school for the first time.
She loved me when I gave my first talk at 13.
She loved me when I wrote my first book.
She loved me when I got married.
She loved me when I gave her grandkids.
And yes, she loved me on her deathbed.

At 3:55pm, she slipped into blissful eternity.

I imagined her hugging my father, Gene, whom she called “Amor” for 62 years.  Dad must have been his dashing, handsome, wonderful self–how he looked like when they got married–not the old, sickly man who died 5 years ago.  And Mom?  She would be beautiful and passionate, young and strong, her jet-black hair, large eyes, and a warm smile.

I imagined her embracing Jesus whom she served all her life.

Thank you for your love and prayers.
Yesterday, God gave you and me a new gift.
You have a new intercessor in Heaven praying for you.
She is the mother of all our ministries.
She will implore blessings for you because you’re part of a spiritual community that was born in her heart.

May your dreams come true,

Bo

          I was only a kid then.

But to this day, I can never forget our old electric fan.

          If you’re my age, you’ve probably seen those monsters: An electric fan made of pure 100% steel and heavy as a boat.  And with blades that could chop your head off.

One day, we switched it on, and the blades made so much noise, you’d think there was an army helicopter right inside our home. 

That was when my cousin Chuck dropped by and volunteered to fix it.  He was known in the family as a “jack-of-all-trades-but-master-of-none” kind of guy.  We should have focused on the “master-of-none” part.  Because after he “fixed” it, the noise was totally gone—but so was all signs of life.  Our fan was now dead.  “Chuck, you killed it!” we told him.  “Well at least, it’s quiet now,” he said, “and we can sell this junk!”

That was when my Uncle Tom came ambling through the door.  “He’s good with his hands,” my father said.  So we asked him to check what was left of our fan.

Uncle Tom took it apart, and after almost two hours, put it together again. He plugged it—and with bated breath—we saw the blades moving again!  And without the noise too.

But no wonder, because the blades made one complete spin every…60 seconds!  It was so slow, we wondered if it was now a clock.

That was when one of my sisters asked, “Who made it anyway?”  

Someone said, “Hitachi.”

Another sister of mine said, “Then let’s bring it to Hitachi.  If they made it, I’m sure they can fix it.”  Once in awhile, my sisters can say sensible things too.  (Just kidding.  I’m the only boy in the family, and the youngest too.  So I have the license to tease them.)

True enough, we brought it to Hitachi, and in a few days, the fan was running perfectly.

You Have A Self-Portrait In Your Heart;

Many Times, It’s A Lie.

          In your mind, you already have an image of who you are.

It’s a Self-Portrait. 

And it’s so incredibly powerful, it actually determines your entire life.

This Self-Portrait—how you define yourself—comes from your collective experience of your failures and successes.  It also comes from how other people treat you.   And it comes from how you’ve treated yourself all these years.

That’s why your Self-Portrait could be a lie.

It’s like asking my cousin Chuck and my Uncle Tom to fix you up.  They don’t have your blueprint.  They really don’t know who you are.

Because they didn’t make you.

Go to your Manufacturer instead.

Delve deep within you and you’ll see your label stitched to your soul: “God’s Own, Made in Heaven.” 

He’s got your blueprint.  He knows all your working parts.  He knows you more than you know yourself.

       Because He made you, He possesses your most accurate Self-Portrait.

Friend, in your heart right now, you carry a Self-Portrait—a way of looking at yourself.  Question: Where does it come from?

My Self-Portrait Was A Lie

Years ago, I had a raging pornographic addiction[1].

At 3am, I would wake up and roam the streets, looking for my “fix”—pornographic material.  (There was no internet porn at that time, so I had to scrounge for cheap porn magazines.)  That was who I was many years ago.

In my mind, I had only one Self-Portrait: I was lustful.  I was uncontrollable.  I was sick and ugly and shameful.

And stronger than my sexual addiction was my approval addiction.

Desperate to fill in my hunger for love—and desperate to escape my inner shame—I was desperate that people like me.  I’d bend over to get people to love me, no matter what the cost.  I was a pathological People-Pleaser.  And I was miserable as hell.

Yes, I failed in the past.  Too many times to count!

Oh, I shouldn’t be here writing to you now.

Yet here I am, authoring books and preaching to thousands.  I’m leading four organizations and a worldwide ministry.  I’m a successful entrepreneur running my little businesses.  I’m a happy family man with a lovely wife and two great boys.

I shouldn’t be enjoying all these.

I should be in the dumps.  Destroyed.  Hopeless.  Lost.

So what happened?

In a phrase, I changed my Self-Portrait.

Because every time I came to God in prayer, He wouldn’t agree with my rotten Self-Portrait.  He would insist on changing it.  Each time, He would tell me I was wonderful, beautiful, loved, and powerful beyond my wildest imagination.

He also told me that it didn’t matter how much I failed. 

Surprisingly, He didn’t even look at my failures at all…

Next week, I want to share three giant Lessons on Self-Portraits…

          May your dreams come true,

          Bo Sanchez

PS. Have you ever thought of writing a book?  I meet a lot of people who tell me, “I want to be like you, Bo.  I want to be an author too.”  But many people aren’t really serious.  Because they don’t do anything about it.  I’ve written 29 books and I can teach you how to author a book…

PS2.  If you’re REALLY serious in becoming an author, and creating an income stream from your book… I’m inviting you to join my Bestselling Authors Intensive Bootcamp on May 15 to 18.   For 4-days, we’ll hole up in a secluded hotel in Tagaytay and make your dream of writing your own book come true.  Not only that, I’ll also guide you to identify and create a money machine connected with your book, so you can build a continuous income stream for your life.

Yes Bo, Tell Me More About The

Bestselling Authors Intensive Bootcamp

____________________________

1 I have written about this in my book ‘Your Past Does Not Define Your Future’

Last week, I told you to “Say No To Toxic People.”

Today, I’ll tell you to “Say Yes To Terrific People.”

The Good Book says, Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

There are 4 Terrific Persons you need to be with…

Terrific Person #1:

Those Who Nourish You Emotionally

       They say there are two types of great persons in this world.

       The first type of great person?   After talking to him, you walk out impressed at how great that person is.  You are dwarfed by his greatness.

       Here’s the second type of great person: After talking to him, you walk out impressed at how great you are.  You walk out a giant yourself—as big or even bigger than that great person.

       Hang out with the second type of great person.

Hang out with people who make you feel important, respected, and worthy.

       One of my mentors has a powerful way of making me feel important.

He’s a true blue, genuine Billionaire.  But he treats me like I was more important than he is.  It’s the small things that he does that make me leave his presence believing I’m special.  The way he listens to me.  The way he respects my opinion.  The way he doesn’t laugh at my silly questions.  Even common sense courtesy and respect.  For example, after our meeting in his office, he’ll walk with me to my car.  He won’t leave me until he knows I’m in my car and ready to go.  Small things that tell me I’m a great man.

       Look for people like that.

Terrific Person #2:

Those Who Nourish You Spiritually

You’re a soul with a temporary earthly existence.

Thus, your most important need is to be spiritually nourished.

That’s why I preach at the FEAST every Sunday.  (Call up Tel (02) 7259999 for more information.)  I believe that many people are spiritually malnourished and they need God’s Word in their lives.

But more than knowledge, a spiritual leader should feed you with God’s love.

How?  By his own love for you.

He doesn’t teach you because of pride.  He teaches you because of love.  That’s where I want to grow—and boy do I have a long way to go.

       When a spiritual leader believes he’s better, holier, and more righteous than anyone else in church, be wary.  A good spiritual leader knows his faults and acknowledges them before everyone.

       Look for your source of regularly spiritual nourishment.

Terrific Person #3:

Those Who Nourish You Intellectually

       Do you have dreams?

       Who are the people in the world that have already fulfilled your dream?

       Hang out with them—and pick their brains.

       Listen to their talks.  Read their books.  Attend their seminars.

       There are two kinds of teachers.  The first kind of teacher has a lot of book knowledge and nothing else.  The second type of teacher has experiential knowledge, with mud on her shoes, blisters on her hands, and scars in her heart.  She’s someone who teaches from her battlefield experience.  Look for the second type of teacher.

       I have family mentors who have great marriages and are fantastic parents.

       I have spiritual mentors who live with profound love and holiness and inspire me to do the same.

       I have financial mentors who are millionaires and billionaires.

       Check the net-worth of the people you hangout with.  Most likely, you’ll mirror each other’s average income.  If you want an increase in your income, hangout with people who earn, save, invest, and give more than you do.  Learn from them!

Go and get terrific people in your life.

Terrific Person #4:

Spend Time With God, Who Else?

       Need I say more? 

Jesus was committed to daily prayer:  And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he (Jesus) went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.  (Mark 1:35)

       But here’s the problem: Many people don’t worship God, but a caricature of God. 

       If you really examine their God, He’s cruel, legalistic, insecure, and tyrannical. 

       We need to change our image of God, because we become exactly like the God we worship.  In the end, we too will become cruel, legalistic, insecure, and tyrannical.  (Have you ever wondered why many religious people are poor reflections of the love of God?  This is the reason.)

       Choose terrific persons to hang out with in your life!

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez

PS. Have you ever thought of writing a book?  I meet a lot of people who tell me, “I want to be like you, Bo.  I want to be an author too.”  But many people aren’t really serious.  Because they don’t do anything about it.  I’ve written 29 books and I can teach you how to author a book…

PS2.  If you’re REALLY serious in becoming an author, and creating an income stream from your book… I’m inviting you to join my Bestselling Authors Intensive Bootcamp on May 15 to 18.   For 4-days, we’ll hole up in a secluded hotel in Tagaytay and make your dream of writing your own book come true.  Not only that, I’ll also guide you to identify and create a money machine connected with your book, so you can build a continuous income stream for your life.

Yes Bo, Tell Me More About The

Bestselling Authors Intensive Bootcamp

As a teen, I was part of a tiny Catholic youth group.

In that group, I was called “St. Francis” because I loved Lady Poverty, wore the crummiest shirts, the most horrid brown sandals, and prayed in the chapel the whole day.  (Actually, I slept most of the time, but that’s just a secret between you and me.) 

One of my friends was called “Brother Leo” because he imitated me, the way the real Brother Leo imitated his master, St. Francis.

If I prayed in a particular way—with my eyes closed, my hands clasped, my head bent down and tilted to the left—he’d pray in the same way.

If I wore an ugly shirt because of my love for poverty, he’d wear the same thing.

Because I was good-looking, he’d try to be good-looking.  (Haha.)

One day, his family left for the US for good, and we lost touch…

Six years later, he returned for a visit.  The old youth group was excited to have a little reunion.  So we met up with “Brother Leo” again.

When I saw him at the reunion, I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Nor could anyone in the room.  Brother Leo was wearing a loud purple shirt with a gold band around his neck.  And in thick slang, he greeted us, “Hey Dude!”

That wasn’t so bad.

While all of us were picking up our jaws from the floor, he said, “Let’s go out and look for a real parteeeh.  Let’s look for some chicks!  Man, I love girls!”

The transformation was unbelievable.

Where was the prayerful, quiet, humble, pure guy that we knew?

Here’s what I learned from life: We need to deliberately shape our outer world before it shapes us.

Here’s a story of someone who didn’t do this…

The Story Of A Wise King

That Wasn’t So Wise After All

       The Guinness Book of World Records says that no one beats King Solomon when it comes to wives.  The guy had 700 wives with 300 concubines.

       Believe me, I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes on Valentines Day.  The chaos! While walking around his palace, he’d say to one, “I love you Leah,”; And to another, “I love you Rachael,”; And to another still, “I love you… uh, Melissa or Melanie?”

       Here’s what the Bible says: As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God…[1]

       The wisest man on Earth didn’t choose his relationships well.

       If you don’t want to commit his mistake, let me share with you 3 powerful steps to create your outer world.

Step #1:

Say No to Toxic People

       There are many types of Toxic Persons, but let me focus on 6 types that you should avoid:

       Toxic Person #1: Those who encourage your addiction

       Toxic Person #2: Those who constantly hurt you

       Toxic Person #3: Those who control you through force

       Toxic Person #4: Those who control you through manipulation

       Toxic Person #5: Those who pass their responsibilities to you

       Toxic Person #6: Those who whine about life and invalidate you

Do you have Toxic People in your life?  God says, Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful.[2]

       Let’s heed those wise words!

       Let’s find out if you have Toxic People in your life…

Toxic Person #1:

Those Who Encourage Your Addiction

You know this story very well because it happens too often.

My friend “Jim” was a drug addict.  He entered a rehab for a year.  In that entire year, Jim didn’t touch the drug.  He went back home a new man. 

Not a few days after, an old friend who used to take drugs with Jim visited him at home and offered him shabu.  Jim said no, “I don’t take that anymore.”  But as the days progressed, he kept on meeting his old friends.   After only three months, Jim snorted shabu again—and his addiction was more severe than before. 

Question: What caused his downfall? 

Answer:  He shaped his inner world, but he didn’t shape his outer world. 

He needed a new set of friends.  He needed a new itinerary.  He also needed new hobbies, new music, new activities…

It’s pretty obvious.  If you’re an alcoholic, stop hanging out with friends who drink.  Hang out with new friends who don’t.  If you’re a gambler, cut friendships with other gamblers.  Hang out with people who don’t gamble.  And so on.

       Many people don’t use their power to choose their friends.  They just accept the people who call up, visit, and appear on their doorstep.

Big mistake.  Don’t do that.  Jesus says If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.[3]

Go out and choose the kind of people you like to become.  (More on this later.)

Toxic Person #2:

Those Who Constantly Hurt You

Do you avoid danger?

If you see a rabid Doberman, foaming in the mouth, sharp fangs exposed, racing towards you at top speed, would you run away as fast as Flash?  Or would you stand there with a smile, stretch out your hand and say, “Here kitty, kitty…”

I bet you’d run faster than you ever did in your entire life. 

Unless you have a death wish.

The Wise Book says a prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple (foolish) keep going and suffer for it.[4]

Here’s a sad fact.  After my years of counselling hordes of people, I’ve realized many have a death wish when it comes to choosing their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, business partners, spiritual leaders, organizations, and friends.

Because they choose abusers.

They get physically abused.  Verbally abused.  Emotionally abused.  Spiritually abused.

And after an abusive relationship breaks up, they jump into another abusive relationship.  Insane, I tell you.  But after 30+ years in ministry, it’s more common than you think.

I have only one explanation for this crazy phenomenon: Victims like being victims.  Why?  Perhaps because they want to pay for their sins.  Or perhaps they feel they deserve the punishment.  Or perhaps they feel superior to the abuser.  Or perhaps that’s how they get the empathy from other people.

But this is sick.

Let me shout this to the rooftops: Get rid of all abusers in you life!

Don’t Just Stand There—Do Something!

If your spouse is an abuser, get away as far as possible from him or her.  I’m not saying get a divorce right away.  But don’t live in the same house with an abuser until the person gets help and gets healed.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is an abuser, what are you doing still sticking with that person?  You should have left the first time abuse took place.

If your organization, fraternity, club, prayer group, or church demeans you, manipulates you, drains you, abuses you—why are you still there?  Look for a group that blesses you and nourishes you.

If your business partner steals from you, cheats on you, or disrespects you—get out, sell out, and find another business partner. 

Remember: When you’re with an abuser, you create more inner pain, and inner pain can produce more hidden addictions.

Jesus says, Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.  If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.[5]  You are sacred.  You are the pearls.  So don’t throw yourself to dogs and pigs.

       Some people however may not be obviously abusers, but they abuse you in a less obvious way…

Toxic Person #3:

Those Who Control You Through Force

There are people who control you through subtle aggression.  They intimidate you.  They’re bigger.  They’re louder.  They’re scary.  They’re bullies in nice clothes.

The Controller could be your husband.  Or your grandmother.  Or your friend.   Or your boss.

       Let me tell you a story I read recently…

One day, a young guy was walking on a dark street.  Suddenly, out of an Acacia tree, an old man wrapped in a black robe appeared.  His eyes were fierce, his face pale, his beard unkempt.  He pushed a black book towards the young man and ordered, “You need to read this book!  Buy it for P700.”

       The young man was shocked and mumbled, “I don’t have P700…”

       But the elderly man spoke with a louder voice, “You need to read this book!  Give me P700.”  So with shaking hands, the lad fumbled with his wallet and handed P700 to him.  The mysterious man placed the black book in the chap’s hand and said, “Whatever you do, never look at the last page.  Or you will regret it.”  He then walked towards the field behind them and suddenly disappeared!

       The young man went home, shaken to the core.  In the evening, he started reading the book.  It was all about ghosts and werewolves and vampires!  After awhile, he grew tired, closed the book and went to bed. 

But he couldn’t sleep.  Tossing and turning, the young man could only think of one thing: What was on the last page of the book?  What will I regret seeing there?

Finally, he couldn’t take the suspense any longer.  With every ounce of courage he could muster, he grabbed the black book.  With trembling fingers, he opened it to the last page…

And when he saw it, at once, waves of regret filled him!

The last page was empty.

Except for a small note that said, “P49.50, National Bookstore.”

Friend, never get intimidated to do what you don’t want to do.

Because often, you’ll get robbed.

Toxic Person #4:

Those Who Control You Through Manipulation

       There is another kind of Controller that doesn’t do it through aggression but through manipulation.  In an even more subtle way, they will control you. 

My example is Delilah, the girlfriend of Samson.

The Bible says Samson loved Delilah.  But it doesn’t say that Delilah loved Samson.  Instead, Delilah used Samson.  Delilah neededSamson. (When will we realize that need is different from love?)  As you read the story, you realize that Delilah never loved Samson at all.

Remember, “Controllers” are “Users”, and Delilah was a Controller.  (Do you know of any “Users” in your life?)

One day, Delilah was approached by her Philistine leaders.  They wanted to capture Samson but couldn’t because of his magical strength.  So they offered her 1,100 Shekels from each of them if she could discover the secret of his supernatural strength.

So she went to Samson and asked, “How can anyone capture you?”

First, he lied.  Samson said, “If you tie me with brand new ropes, I’ll be as weak as any man.”  And while he slept, Delilah tied him up with brand new ropes and called the soldiers of the Philistine leaders to capture him.  But like snapping thread, Samson broke free from the ropes and chased after the men. 

Wasn’t that enough proof for Delilah’s deception?

If I were Samson, I would simply have said to her, “Delilah, you’re a snake.  You don’t love me. This relationship is over.  Get out of my life!”

But Samson didn’t do it.  He tolerated her. And so Delilah sat on the lap of Samson and with a pout and a hurt look, she said, “You don’t love me, Samson…”  (Her finger probably toying with his hair.)

“But I do!” Samson said defensively.

“No, you don’t,” she purred, “You lied to me.  You haven’t told me the secret of your strength.”  (Controllers like turning the table and pointing your mistakes, while hiding their glaring mistakes.)

Finally, out of exasperation, Samson says, “Okay, okay!  Cut my hair and I’ll be as weak as any man.”  And while he slept, Delilah cut his hair.  We know the end of the story.  Samson was captured, his eyes gouged out, and he was imprisoned until he died while pushing two pillars.

Because Samson loved Delilah, he was desperate to believe in the lie that she also loved him.  But she didn’t.

Who are the Delilahs in your life?

Here’s the truth: Samson may have been romantically attracted to Delilah, but he really didn’t love her.  If he really loved her, he would have told her off and shooed her away.  That was the kind of love she needed.

Toxic Person #5:

Those Who Pass Their Responsibilities To You

One day, a woman was chatting with her neighbor. 

“I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity.  I gave a five hundred Peso bill to a bum.” 

“Wow, you gave a bum five hundred Pesos?” her neighbor asked, “My gosh, that’s a lot of money.  What did you husband say about it?”

“Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do,” she said, “my husband said, ‘Thanks.’”

Many people are just like that woman.  They have bums in their lives, and these bums are friends and family.

In other words, they are hosts to parasites.

Remember: In biology, parasites can’t exist without a host.  So the reason there are parasites is because there are people who like to play the role of host.

Are you a host to a human parasite?  Someone who depends on you for mone?  Or for housing?  Or for your service?

The human parasite isn’t a quadriplegic lying down in bed with a feeding tube stuck to his throat.  The parasite is an otherwise healthy human being that simply wants you to be responsible for his life, period.  He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his own life.  He looks to you for his sole salvation.  If you don’t help him, he’ll die.

Deep inside, you feel used.  You really want to say “No more!” but you can’t because you feel guilty.   In the process, you have lost your boundaries.  When you do, there is so much inner pain within, and you escape through your hidden addictions.

Bad news: You think you’re doing good, but you really aren’t.

There’s A Difference Between

Feeling Good And Doing Good

Giving to a parasite makes you feel good. 

But that doesn’t make it good.  (Yep, there’s a difference.) 

It assuages your guilt.  But in fact, you’re causing more harm than good.  You’re really a thief.  You’re stealing their self-worth.  More than that, when you take away the bad consequences of their irresponsibility through your constant rescuing, you take away the fuel that would have forced them to change.

Some justify helping a parasite by quoting Galatians 6:2 when St. Paul says, “Carry each other burdens…”  But 3 verses later, St. Paul also says, “Each one should carry his own load.”  That means if a parasite asks for your help, the best way to help him is to say No.

       I give a lot.  Dole outs are fine when there’s a real emergency.  But I stop giving when his daily life becomes an emergency.  Because most of my giving is focused on teaching people how to fish, not just giving fish.  I give when I know the person will learn how to stand on his own two feet one day.

       Finally, there’s a last type of Toxic Person you need to avoid…

Toxic Person #6:

Those Who Whine About Life and Invalidate You

       There are people who are constantly negative—and they suck your energy dry.  Believe me, after talking with them, you feel as though the sky is darker, the world is uglier, and life is more miserable than ever.

       Whiners complain about everything.  The heat.  The cold.  The boss.  The money.  The government.  On and on and on.  It never stops.

       Whiners are bad, but invalidators are worse.  Invalidators are whiners too, but instead of just criticizing the world, they specialize in criticizing you.  When you mention a plan, a dream, or an original idea, you’ll hear an invalidator say, “You? Do that?”  He’ll roll up his eyes, shake his head, and smirk.  These pompous know-it-alls believe they know you and your future more than God.  Before an invalidator, you’ll always remain small.  Size up the invalidator’s “friends”, and you’ll discover other “small” people who bow down to his majesty.

       Whiners will steal away your joy.  Invalidators will steal away your dreams.  If you don’t watch out, they’ll infect you with their virus and you’ll become a professional cynic like them. 

       Whiners and invalidators are losers.  If your friends are losers, get a new set of friends.  I’m not saying that you dump them.  God wants you to love them.  But you don’t have to hangout with them.  Instead, hangout with people who respect you.  And people who inspire you.   And people who put their energies to build up rather than destroy.  And people of life and beauty and love. 

By The Way, Are You The Toxic Person?

       Avoiding toxic people is difficult.

Avoiding being the toxic person is even more difficult.

What if you’re the abuser, or controller, or manipulator, or parasite, or whiner, or invalidator?

       Ask people close by for their honest feedback. 

If they say, “Yes,” own up to your behavior, quick.  And get to work!

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

PS. Do you want to start your own business?  My friend, Dean Pax Lapid, Professor of A.I.M. and Dean of the Entrepreneur School of Asia,is giving a 2-Day Entrepreneurship Workshop.  No doubt about it, its the best Workshop I’ve ever experienced.  If you want to start a business—or improve the business that you have now—this is it.  It’s worth every peso you invest for your training.  Because you’ll save yourself from a lot of failures and business mistakes.   For details on how to join Dean Pax’ Entrepreneurship Workshop, click here now

[1] 1 Kings 11:1-6

[2] Psalms 1:1

[3] Matthew 5:29

[4] Proverbs 22:3

[5] Matthew 7:6

—————————————————————————

Trust Your Needs

Years ago, I had crazy spiritual beliefs. 

I believed that if I wanted to be a holy person, I should NOT trust myneeds.  Because I figured my desires are most likely from the flesh, not from the spirit.

The message I received was this: “Fear yourself.  Fear your desires.  Fear your selfishness.  Don’t trust yourself.  Instead, trust God.  Trust your group.  Trust your leader.  Trust the system…”  (This is the reason why there is so much spiritual abuse happening in religious groups.)

Oh, what a terrible thing to believe!

Priests, preachers, and pastors love to emphasize this message: “Don’t trust yourself!”  Directly or indirectly, they will ask their members to simply rely in the leaders’ wisdom and decisions.  Unintentionally, they produce people who are infants in their emotional and spiritual growth.

Instead of freedom, religion shackles us to immaturity.  (God calls us to be childlike, not childish.)

God Trusts You—

When Will You Learn To Trust Yourself?

Instead, we need to hear a new message.

What message?  That you’re made in the image and likeness of God!  That you’re not just good.  You’re very good! So trust yourself because God trust you.  He trusts you by calling you His child.  He trusts you by planting His Kingdom in you.  He trusts you by dwelling within you.  He trusts you by commissioning you to be His presence in the world.  He trusts you to love the way He does…”

Wow!  (Believe me, when I pray, when I read the Bible, when I listen to God’s voice in the depths of my heart, I say “Wow!” many, many times.)

And one way of trusting yourself is to trust your needs.

Not your sinful needs.  (That’s what you need to deny.)  But your legitimate, valid, and God-planted needs.

Meet those needs.  Even your need for joy.

Some people view all pleasure as bad.  Their unwritten motto: “If it feels good, it must be bad.”  That’s not true.

I believe life was given by God to be enjoyed to the full.  To be savoured with delight.  So taste.  Breathe.  Relish.  Dance.  Sing.  Live!

When we enjoy life, we allow others to enjoy as well.  (Ever wondered why some religious people are so stuck-up, they don’t allow anyone to enjoy life?)

Love yourself!

What is Draining You?

Get Rid Of It If You Can.

I don’t intend to write a complete list of how you need to care for yourself.  (I’ll do that in another essay.)

But here’s a question I want you to ask yourself: What is draining you?

       What person, thing, activity, group, habit, situation, and places in your life drains your joy and life and energy and holiness?  What sucks your happiness?

       If it’s something that’s part of your sacred purpose in life, then deal with it.  But if it’s not, get rid of it!

       By doing that, you’ll grow up and have more life and energy for the right things that God wants you to do.

       In other words, I’m asking you to set your boundaries.

Love The Sinner And The Saint Within

We’re tempted to only see the sinner in us.

Remind yourself that there’s a saint in you too.

In my last birthday, I had a few parties among close friends.

       It has been our tradition that we honor birthday celebrants—so it was my turn to be in the hot seat.

       I have to be honest with you.  It’s always unnerving to be honored by friends for an hour—but after awhile, I felt my Love Tank filled up.      

For example, one friend recalled how I helped him during a time of need.  (I did? Really?)  Another friend shared how she was so touched by my compassion.  Another friend honoured me for how I stood by him even when everyone else rejected him.

       I wish the camera was on!  So that I could replay them and I could hear them again—especially during times of self-doubt.  When I feel bad.  When I feel I’m not worthy.  (Yes, I go through those times.)

       This is a universal experience.

       Let me end by sharing a beautiful story I read in the Chicken Soupseries…

Remind Yourself That You’re A Saint Within

       One day, a teacher asked her students in class to write the names of the other students on a piece of paper.  “And leave space between each name,” she instructed.

       When they finished, the teacher said, “Underneath each name, I want you to write the good things you see in that person.”  Immediately, the kids busied themselves with the task and took the whole class to finish it.

       The teacher took the papers home and collated the material.  On one piece of paper per child, she wrote all the positive qualities written by their classmates. 

       On the next class, she handed out the papers to the kids.  They were very happy to read the letters.  “Wow, am I really this person?” some of them gushed.

       Many, many years later, the teacher received a phone call.   One of her former students, who had become a soldier, was killed in battle.  Would she want to attend the funeral?

       She went and saw many of her former students condoling with the bereaved family.  As she stood beside the coffin, looking at the lifeless body of a young man in uniform inside, a middle-aged woman approached her.  “Are you my son’s grade school teacher?”

       “Yes,” she said, “you must be his mother.  My deepest condolences.”

       “I’d like to show something to you,” the mother said. “My son had this inside his wallet when he died.”  She pulled out a worn-out piece of paper.  It was obvious that it had been folded and unfolded many times. 

Even before it was opened, the teacher already knew what it was.  It was the piece of paper that contained the list of positive qualities his classmates saw in him.  Kept and read all through the years.

       By that time, her other students had gathered around both of them.

       A young man beside the teacher said, “Uh, I carry mine wherever I go too.”

       A woman from behind said, “I still keep mine.  It’s in my diary.”

       Another man said, “I display my list on my desk at home.”

       Another woman said, “It seems like all of us kept that paper all these years!”

       The teacher was moved beyond words. 

       Why would a simple piece of paper mean so much?

       Because here’s the truth: Life can be rough.  At various time, it can even be cruel.  Every time we fail, every time we receive criticism, every time we get rejected, we doubt our worth.  We doubt our goodness.

       We are very desperate for love.

       We need to love the saint within us.

       Friend, love yourself. 

       Each day, celebrate your positive qualities.  Celebrate your goodness.  Celebrate your beauty.

       Thank God for how wonderful He made you.

Love the sinner and the saint within.     

       May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

PS. Before You Start Your Own Business, Learn From My Business Mentor First…   Believe me, you’ll save a lot of pain and pesos!  He’ll teach you what to do and what NOT to do.  If you want to become an Entrepreneur, join my Business Mentor Dean Pax Lapid for his Entrepreneur’s Workshop on April 27 and May 4, 2013.  (We recently wrote a business book together, How To Turn Your Profit Into Passion.)  It’s the best training I’ve ever seen.  We only accept 49 students.  To reserve your seat, click here now.

PS2. I think you owe it to yourself to get the best training you can get BEFORE you launch your business.  And if you’re already running your business, but want to learn how you can earn more, join the Entrepreneur’s Workshop.  To reserve your seat, click here now.

Holy Monday today.

This morning, I start my juice fast.

About the Juice Fast: I wrote you a free eBook, 7 Days Of Prayer and Fasting.  If you haven’t gotten that yet, click here now.  (I suggest you print it out so you can answer the questions I prepared for you.)

But even if I’ll be fasting, I’ll be serving like crazy this Holy Week.  So while fasting, I’m choosing to be happy, holy, and handsome.  (For that last adjective, I speak with expectant faith.)

Today, Monday, I’m flying to Cebu to preach at the FEAST in SM Cebu at 7pm to 9pm.  (Like any of our FEASTs, it’s free.  If you live in Cebu, see you tonight.)

On Tuesday, I’ll fly back to Manila early in the morning to meet with the FEAST Builders—the guys who lead and preach at the many FEASTS in Metro Manila and suburbs.  Together, we’ll be praying for everyone we love in our “flock”—specifically for God’s Holy Week blessings.

      On Holy Thursday and Good Friday, I preach at our Holy Week Retreat in PICC, Manila.  My mission is to help people recharge their spirit and reconnect to God.   (I’m not sure if there are tickets left, but you can check by clicking here.)  You don’t want to miss this.

      On Easter Sunday, we have our biggest FEAST in the year.  We call it the GRAND EASTER FEAST from 8am to 12noon at SMX (Near Mall of Asia).  Aside from hearing my preaching, we’ll have an Easter Mass.  Bring your family.  Yes, it’s free too.  So come over and get empowered beyond your wildest imagination.  12,000 people will be coming to get a foretaste of Heaven’s happiness.

      In between my “work”, I’ll hang out with God.  And at home, I’ll also listen to the greatest music on planet earth—the laughter of my kids.  I’ll spend time with those wonderful blokes.  I’ll also enjoy watching the loveliest woman alive—my wife—tinker in the kitchen in sexy shorts to make those juices for me everyday.

      Life is good.

      Happy.  Holy.  Handsome.  (I walk by faith, not by sight.)

      Have a glorious week.

      May your dreams come true,

      Bo Sanchez

PS. More and more people are asking me about homeschooling.  Yes, we’ve been teaching our kids at home for 9 years now.  And yes, I started Catholic Filipino Academy, a homeschool center that provides parents who wish to teach their kids at home the training, teacher’s manuals, textbooks, and DepED accreditation for their children.  If you’re interested to homeschool your kids, read my articles about homeschooling below…

Grade School Homeschooling, click here.

High School Homeschooling, click here.

May I disturb your quiet existence?

This Monday, let’s start a Holy Week unlike any other Holy Week you’ve ever had in your life.  Let’s make it come rock.  Let’s make the next 7 Days revolutionize your destiny.

      How?  I invite you to do 7 Days of Prayer and Fasting with me. Together with my little spiritual family, Light of Jesus, let’s make Holy Week a personal encounter with God.

       I want to give you a gift: My eBook entitled, 7 Days Of Prayer and Fasting.  All you have to do is go to www.BoSanchez.ph/7DaysOfPrayer and grab it there.  No charge.  Totally free.  It’s my gift to you.

       I encourage you to download and print it out.  So you can write on it—because there are some questions to answer and pray about. 

Note: For a proper juice fast, the eBook also has juice recipes written by HappyHealingClub Director Chichi Barba.

       My dear friend, have a beautiful, inspiring, blessed Holy Week!  In the next 7 days, may you meet Jesus and be totally gripped by His love.

       May your dreams come true,

       Bo Sanchez

PS. My eBook is free.  Simply go to www.BoSanchez.ph/7DaysOfPrayer now and print it out from there.

PS2. I’m not sure if there are still tickets left for my Holy Week Retreat 2013 in PICC.  If interested to recharge your spirit, check if there are still tickets at www.BoSanchez.ph/HolyWeek2013